


It Was All An Accident

by MissPamelaD, PhantomSwelling



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Death, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Grief/Mourning, Kid Fic, Loss, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-04 04:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 58,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1765093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissPamelaD/pseuds/MissPamelaD, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomSwelling/pseuds/PhantomSwelling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard and Frank had it all. A perfect friendship, perfect families with their wives. They're missing nothing. That is until both of their wives die in a tragic accident. </p><p>They both feel at loss, not being totally able to function without their loves. But, when they decide to move together with their kids, their world changes again. Will it be for the better or for the worse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Accident

The brunette reporter caught wind of a tragedy that happened on a busy Interstate in a usually loud and accident prone town. The flashing red and blue lights grabbed her attention and her camera man kept his face buried behind the lense. She watched as residents in the area stopped their cars, blocking and backing up traffic as they watched the scene unfold around them. The ambulance and firetruck blocked off most of the reporter's view, but she could see the debree. There were little bits of metal and glass shattered and scattered along the street with dark, thick, black tire marks that only appeared when brakes were applied suddenly. The yellow police tape surrounded the scene and policemen were scurrying about. The news reporter, Holly Rose, snuck around the side of the ambulance and signaled with her long painted finger nail for the camera man to begin rolling the film. He started the countdown from five; five, four, three, two, one, and she's on.

"This morning at approximately three on Interstate 405, a black Honda Accord with two female passengers were in a fatal accident with a drunk driver. Fourty-seven year-old, John Graine, was seen only moments before at the city's local bar. Witnesses say that Graine had downed an impressive amount of alcohol before getting into his vehicle and leaving. Sources say that Graine's intoxication levels were four times the legal amount, resulting in Graine driving on the wrong side of the Interstate and colliding head on with the Honda. The driver, now identified as Lindsey Way, bassist of the band Mindless Self-Indulgence and wife of Gerard Way, ex lead singer of My Chemical Romance, and passenger Jamia Iero, wife of ex My Chemical Romance's rhythm guitarist, Frank Iero, were killed upon impact."

The camera man zoomed in to a torn piece of black Honda debree that had managed to fly off beyond the limits of yellow tape before refocusing on the reporter. Her soft brown eyes showed nothing but true sympathy. "John Graine managed to escape from the accident unharmed and is currently being taken to the Gardena Police Department for further investigation and questioning. Mrs. Way is said to have left behind her nine-year old daughter and Mrs. Iero is said to have left behind three children, two girls and boy, all under the age of ten"

There was another deliberate pause before the reporter stepped out of view. The camera man angled himself just enough to see between the firetruck and ambulance gap. Two bodies were being carried off by two medics in stretchers. The two women's bodies were zipped up tightly in two separate black bags. They were led up into separate ambulances and not a second was wasted before the two vehicles drove off. The reporter stayed silent and watched the totally destroyed black Honda. The whole front of the car crushed beyond recognition. The windshield was shattered and surrounded the car like small pieces of a fragmented diamonds. The jagged edges of the windshield were splattered with blood and the reporter had to stop her gasp from making any sound. She barely had time to see the large truck that belonged to John Graine with it's completely crushed front end and missing side door before a police officer spotted them and ushered them away from the scene. But it was already too late, the damaged had been seen. It had already begun.

"Fans worldwide have already been mourning the death of the two beloved women." The reported when the camera was facing her again. "Graine is expected to face serious charges of intoxicated manslaughter and the local bar he was last seen at is expected to go under investigation due to his alcohol levels. Now, back to you, Tom."


	2. Bad News

Gerard’s P.O.V: I’m sitting on my couch, a glass of soda in my hand. Frank was sitting next to me. We were watching old horror movies. It was just a simple movie night while Lyn and Jamia were out on a girls night, probably getting drunk. Not that I minded it. It had been a long time since they could have a night out like this. Since Frank and Jamia have their own family to take care of, and they live on the other side of the country, New Jersey, it was hard to meet. Yeah, we got me meet each other on every holiday, but since the kids had school, it stayed with that.

So now that July had kicked in, and the kids were out of school, Lyn had invited them over here for two weeks. They had been here for one week already, and we’d been spending all our time with each other and our kids, like a huge family. We had been to zoos, parks and Disney Land. The kids were best friends, running around smiling and jumping. Lyn and Jamia had smiled at this, being so proud that our kids got together so well. Frank and I would shake our heads, laughing. Why wouldn’t our kids go together? Their parents were best friends, so they were bound to become best friends.

Now, we had shipped them over to Mikey and Sarah for the night, so we could have some alone time. Jamia had expressed a huge wanting for going out with Lyn, which they happily did. It had now been hours ago since they’d both been standing in the entrance, both looking smokingly hot. Jamia was wearing a white and flowy dress, while Lyn was wearing a tight red dress and fishnets. I almost wanted to keep her to myself when she dressed like that, but decided against it. I had to let her have some fun, too. It’s not like she’s been touring with MSI lately.

Frank had already decided for a night in for us. Not that I minded. I still don’t drink. I don’t need to drink to have a good time. I learned my lesson fifteen years ago. So I kept to my soda. Frank on the other hand, he had downed a couple of beers. He wasn’t drunk yet, but he was definitely tipsy. He was now sitting beside me, laughing at all the fake gore in the movies. I had to laugh with him, cause he was right. It was so obviously fake, and it looked like they had done a poor job with it.

We had watched movie after movie, and we were now waiting for our wives to come home again. It was 3 in the morning, and we were both a bit tired. The only thing that kept us awake was the fact that they weren’t home yet.

Throughout the whole night, we had gotten small texts from them, letting us know how they were doing. It felt good to know that they were fine, and that everything was okay. But, we hadn’t gotten any texts for hours now, and it felt strange. I was starting to worry about them. Where were they? Why hadn’t they sent us a message after they told us that they were coming home soon? Had they left from the club, or were they still there?

I look over at Frank, and I can see that he was worrying too. It wasn’t like them to not let us know how they were doing. I got up from the couch and started to pace around. “Frank, do you think we should call the police if they’re not back in one hour?” I asked. Frank nodded his head. Good, that means I only have to keep calm for one more hour before I am allowed to freak out. That’s if they weren’t here by then of course. I walked back to the couch and sat down again.

I had barely been able to sit down before the bell rung. I look over at Frank, who's shaking his head. He didn’t know who would come to my door in the middle of the night, and neither did I. It could always be a crazy fan that had found out where I live, but I don’t think they would come this late. I padded out towards the entrance and slightly opened the door. Outside stood a policeman with a grim expression on his face.

“Hello Mr. Way. I am police officer Oakley and I was wondering if you had Mr. Iero here too.” Sweat was pipling out on his forehead, and I nodded at him. “Could you please let me in? I have something I need to talk to you about.” I nodded again and opened the door so he could come inside. I now feared why he was here.

I walked out in the living room and sat down on the couch by Frank, who now looked terrified. I couldn’t blame him. I am too, but I need to keep strong, this might not be as bad as my head thinks it is. The officer was now standing in front of us.

“I don’t really know how to tell you this, but there has been a catastrophic accident on the Interstate, and I am afraid your wives were a part of that accident.” I could feel Frank shaking beside me, tears were streaming down his cheeks. I could feel tears prickling behind my eyes. I know where this is going, but I don’t really want to know of it. It just can’t be true.

“I am so sorry Mr. Way and Mr. Iero, but your wives car crashed with another, and they died immediately from the impact.”

Frank collapsed on my lap, crying violently. My own tears were now streaming heavily down my cheeks, and I felt like collapsing too. My mind was screaming at me, telling me that this wasn’t the truth. It just couldn’t be.

I let out a strangled choke. “No, this can’t be true.”


	3. Moving In

Gerard's P.O.V: 

I stared out of the open window sullenly and watched the moving van as it pulled up and into my driveway. It was like I had been in denial until now. It was like I hadn't fully realized the extent of what had happened even after a month full of mourning. There was this surreal air about the way my days passed by and I found myself missing the little things that Lyn Z used to do. I missed the sound of her bass and the smell of her fresh perfume. I missed the feel of her soft skin touching mine and us mutually stealing each other's warmth through the night.

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead onto the cold window pane, the loss ripping through me. It was never going to be the same ever again. I held my emotions inside as Bandit's running shoes clomped throughout the house. I heard her enter the door and I threw on a smile just for her. She was my reason to keep going- to keep living.

"Daddy, guess what?" I turned around and Bandit launched herself into my arms. I picked her up and swung her around a little bit and her childish laughter echoed around the room. I held her close before setting her back down onto the ground. Nine-year-olds weren't exactly the lightest children to carry and quite frankly, I was a little weak from little sleep and not eating enough. It was hard to do simple things now. So much reminded me of Lyn.

"What Beezle?"

"You have to guess!"

"What does it start with?"

"It starts with an F, C, L, and M."

"Um," I played with her. "I have no idea at all."

"Daddy! It's Frank, Cherry, Lily, and Miles! They're finally here!" Bandit replied while jumping up and down, ticking the names off her little fingers. Her eyes possessed an excitement that hadn't been present a lot over this past month.

Bandit rushed from the room, yelling for me to follow her to the door. I chuckled at her exuberance before making any movement to follow her towards the front door. I could at least try to put the sadness behind me for one day.

Bandit was already jumping excitedly by the door and I smiled at her before pulling it open. I heard Cherry, Lily, and Miles way before I saw them. They were outside one moment and inside the next, demanding that Bandit take them to her room to play with them. I heard the stomping of shoes up the staircase and the sound of Bandit's door slamming closed. I hadn't even gotten to say hello and they were already gone. I shook my head and another small smile took place. At least they were comfortable and familiar with the place. Plus, I'd have all the time in the world to say hello to them now since they were moving in for good.

I slid on my shoes and stepped outside into the September air. I found Frank standing behind the off-white moving truck. He had his head bent down lowly and his shoulders were trembling with each breath he took. I didn't say anything as I approached him. Instead, I rested my hand softly on his shoulder. He looked at me with red rimmed eyes that were surrounded with dark black sleep deprived bags. It looked as if he hadn't slept properly for the entire month that had passed. I gently squeezed his shoulder and he smiled tenatively, "I'll be fine. I just couldn't help remembering the way Jams would kiss me goodbye before we went on tours years ago. It kind of feels like it except this time the kids are right along with us for the ride."

He let out a shaky breath and ran his hand through his short brown hair. We didn't say anything for the longest time until Frank looked back at the house- our house, "How's little Beezle doing?"

"I haven't seen her smile this much in a while. I think she's coping better than we are sometimes. She's strong, you know. It's always been that way. She's a spitting image of Lyn, too." Frank leaned heavily on the bumper of the moving truck. He searched in and around his pockets until realization dawned on him; he had quit smoking long ago. He had done it for Jamia, his kids, and his unhealthy lungs a long time before I had even thought of quitting.

Sadly, I had picked up the habit again and offered him one from the plain package. Frank looked at it longingly before shaking his head. I put the pack away and nodded towards the van, "Should I hire or do we got this?"

"Help would be nice but maybe tomorrow. It was a long drive and I'm really tired. The kids never slept." He laughed and shook his head playfully, "They were really excited for this. They love you and Beezle. They always look for reasons to come back and play. Well, except Miles; he wants another boy."

As if on queue Miles comes rushing out of the house on his stubby six-year-old legs and launches himself into his Dad's arms. Frank had quickly crouched down on his knees to intercept his son- more or less to avoid a not-so-nice hit to the crotch- and Miles slammed into his chest making them both fall over giggling. I watched the two of them playing and noticed how Frank's eyes lit up as he interacted with his son. I saw just how much the two of them looked alike.

Miles had Frank's natural medium brown hair and the hazel eyes that were always so beautiful. When they stopped tickling each other and wrestling around, they both looked at me, smiling stupidly, and I saw the same shade of eye color staring back at me in both their eyes. But Miles also had a lot of Jamia's traits. He had her long, straight nose and her thin, lined lips. He was the perfect blend between his parents and a handsome kid. He'd only grow up and continually get more attractive.

Eventually, Frank set Miles down and he ran to me. I swooped him up into my arms and he starting tugging on my hair. Frank had cut his reasonably short before the accident, but I hadn't had the chance. I took his stubby hands out of my hair and playfully flicked him in the ear. I set him down again when he started squirming.

"Hey Miles, man?"

"Yeah, daddy?"

"Why don't you go up and play with Bandit and your sisters so Gerard and I can talk?" Frank looked at me in question and I silently nodded.

"But daddy, they only wanna play Barbies!" Miles complained loudly while Frank and I laughed.

"Bandit has a Nintendo DSi sitting on the kitchen counter if you want to use it, Miles," I offered. His hazel eyes lit up considerably before he nodded frantically. Frank spanked his son's butt playfully and Miles ran into the house at top speed. I took note on how their personalities were alike, too; both hyper and energetic, "He's a lot like you."

"Really? I feel like he looks more like Jams. He has her hair and mouth."

"He has your eyes and personality."

Frank smiled at me and the conversation went flat. Frank turned around and started pulling little boxes out of the large van. I caught on quickly and began stacking them in my arms. We worked for several hours until my arms were wobbly and I couldn't stand anymore.

Miles was still sitting on the couch, engrossed with Bandit's Nintendo as we sat down on the couch beside him. It was now around five and the girls were screaming loudly up the stairs. I heard Cherry yell for Bandit and Frank smirked up in their general direction before shrugging at me, "I give them two days before they start making the floors turn into lava."

I shook my head and let out a laugh. I could feel my depression seeping into my pores again. I was no longer busy and the silence between us gave my mind time to think. Thinking was my best and worst enemy. I heard my stomach growl and I stood up, "Who's ready for take-out?"


	4. School Kids

Frank’s P.O.V:

The days kept dragging along like this. The first few days we spent moving everything in. And it was a lot that needed moving. Luckily, we had sent all the furniture first, so Gee had been able to get that in place before we arrived. It made the job easier for us. We had all been unpacking the kids’ stuff first.

Miles now had his own room, airplane themed. For some reason he was really into airplanes, and he really wanted his room to be themed when we moved here. I couldn’t deny him that, so we had gotten a bed for him that was shaped like an airplane, and was hanging up in the air by chains. The ceiling was painted powder blue with small, puffy clouds. His desk was made as a plane wing, with a laptop on it. Otherwise, his room was white, with shelves for his toys, comic books, and movies.

Cherry and Lily shared a room with each other. They had also wanted it themed, but they hadn’t come to an agreement on it, so the room had gotten a mixture of their ideas. Cherry wanted it to be powder pink with fairies everywhere. Lily wanted cute dragons on a night blue sky. Gee told me he had made a sketch on what he thought they would like and hired some artist to come paint it. The room now was now an evening blue with fairies in all kinds of colours flying around light pink dragons, sprinkling fairy dust on them. To say it looked cute and girlish would be an understatement. They both had wanted beds that looked like clouds, hanging in the air by chains like Miles. Other than that, their room was quite normal. They had a big desk that was big enough for both of them, with a laptop. Shelves that were covered in fantasy books and small statuettes of fairies and dragons.

It didn’t take long after the accident for me to realize that I couldn’t handle three kids on my own. Gerard had told us to come live with him and Bandit, so we could take care of the kids together. I had been happy for the offer, but I didn’t really want to pull the kids away from their friends in New Jersey. But, it turned out that they wanted to move, so it was okay. The only thing they really wanted was themed rooms, since they had seen Bandit’s Harry Potter themed one.

Bandit still had her own room, decorated with the Hogwarts castle on one wall. Above her wooden bed hung every wand she had gotten her hands on. On a shelf above that stood every book, signed first editions. Gerard might have gone a bit overboard when he bought them for her, but I could understand him. He just wanted to give her the world. The same as I wanted for my kids.

Even though the days had been spent in a haze with me and Gerard helping the kids gets their stuff up and in order, we still had time to be a family. Yes, an actual family. Though both me and Gerard were mourning, we had to put it away for the kids. We used some days for doing nothing except trying to have fun with them. One of the days was spent in Disney Land since Miles really wanted to go, and the other in the mall, shopping clothes for the girls, since they wanted that.

After that, Miles would sit down between Gerard and me, playing on the DSi, while we watched some old videos of the My Chemical Romance era of our lives. Yeah, I missed that time. It had been so spectacular and so much fun. The thought of saving someone’s life. I missed that feeling, and even more so with Jams and Lyn gone. I want to feel that feeling again. I want to make a difference again.

But all of that is just a dream. One that got crushed a long time ago. The time that Mikey cheated on Alicia for Sarah and Ray didn’t want to do it anymore. Where Gee wanted to focus on his family instead. And I couldn’t keep on the band on my own either, so we disbanded. It had been the saddest day of my life, or so I thought until that accident.

We had barely been able to get everything together before the kids started school. I knew that Miles was scared to start school. Though he was lucky, since he hadn’t transferred schools like Cherry and Lily, but still. He was starting in first grade in a new state with absolutely no friends. But he was such a sweetie and I doubted that he would have any trouble getting some friends. Cherry and Lily on the other hand were excited as hell. They had been bouncing for days just at the thought of going to a new school and making some new friends. And, they also had Bandit, so it wasn’t a big problem for them.

*** 

Their first day at school arrived, and I had been up early to prepare breakfast for them all, since Gee is really bad at cooking. He would always ruin the meal, so I was the one that cooked in the house. Though, it was okay for me. I had made batter for pancakes the day before, so I didn’t have to do much. Just fry them in the pan, and voila, they were done. I simply put them on a plate in a stack and put them on the table that was already set.

Just as I put the pancakes down, five pairs of feet came tumbling into the kitchen. Four excited faces looked up at me, and I nodded towards the table. They turned around and sat down quickly, grabbing the pancakes, swatting each other’s arms on the way. They’re just so adorable together. Giggling reached me from the door, and I turned around to see Gee holding his sides, obviously trying not to laugh too hard at the kids’ excitement. I went over to him and shushed him out. He was going to drive them to school, and we were to use the day as we pleased for once. He went out, still with a smile plastered on his face, and I have no idea what kept it there.

The kids were soon done eating, and as they got done, they jumped off their chairs and ran over to me, giving me hugs and kisses before they ran out to Gee to get driven to school. I already missed them


	5. Making Friends and Dish Fights

Frank's P.O.V:

Paying attention to dates was something I was never really good at, so it surprised me when Gerard entered through the front door after dropping the kids off and started talking about September 1st and Labor Day. It hadn't occurred to me that a month had really gone by. It was all a haze of major depression and smiling because the kids had demanded it. It was full of cold nights and longing for my wife. Her side of the bed being untouched for that entire month from the last time she slept there until I moved to Gerard's. In our rush to leave the house the morning we left for L.A, we had forgotten to make our bed, so her form had stayed imprinted in the sheets for a long while afterwards.

By now, I had taken to getting new bedding, but it didn't stop me from keeping the bed and staying on my side. Some nights, I could feel myself waiting for her to exit the bathroom in her pajamas and come lie beside me, but it would never happen again. Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night, forgetting the past month with the knowledge of years and felt the empty side of the bed before I remembered fully why she wasn't there anymore.

I sunk down deeper into the couch and couldn't help but feel like a horrible father. Gerard kept rambling on in the background while my mind was torturing me. Jamia wouldn't have forgotten, it said. She would've already had the day planned and scheduled, it continued. Lily and Cherry's birthdays were in eight days and I hadn't done a thing. I had planned nothing. I hadn't even thought of their birthdays until now.

I realized with a start that Gerard was still talking to me- or waiting for this matter. I looked over at him and he was staring at me with one eyebrow raised. I smiled apologetically, "Can you repeat the question?"

Gerard let out a loud, exasperated sigh and threw his arms in the air. He crossed the room and planted himself on the couch beside me and rested one leg on the couch. He rolled his eyes at me, "I didn't even ask you a question, Weirdo. What's going on in that big head of yours?" He playfully poked my forehead and I swatted him away.

"Lily and Cherry's birthdays are in eight days and I haven't done anything or even thought about it until now. What am I supposed to do, Gerard? Usually Jamia and I plan this together-" I was cut off when Gerard placed both of his hands on either side of my face and forced me to look at him. We were silent for a few moments just breathing in the otherwise silent room before Gerard let go of my face.

"Frank, you moved here so we could do this- raise our children-together. You're in our house, sitting on our couch, and worrying about our children." He paused, "Frank, there is no 'I' anymore. A couple of weeks ago? Sure, but not anymore." Gerard sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. I felt the ghost of a smile on my lips and a strong sense of hope flooded through me. I realized that we could do this. Together.

"Thank you, Gerard, for everything. You don't know how much I've needed this. You're a life saver. I always feel like I'm letting the kids down or doing the wrong thing." It felt weird to finally get these feelings off my chest and Gerard only listened. He was really good when it came to listening. He was the one who knew me best, other than my wife.

"Oh Frank," he ruffled my hair and I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're a great father. Now, stop worrying and let’s start planning."

Gerard heaved himself up off the couch and returned a few moments later with a journal. He flipped through a few pages before looking at me, "Let's make a list of all of the things Lily and Cherry like."

I raised an eyebrow, "They are twins, but they do not share the same interests at all." I paused for a moment before continuing, "What about friends? They left all of their friends back in Jersey."

Gerard rolled his eyes, "Frank, they're kids. Chances are they'll want to bring someone home tonight."

\----------

"I told you so."

Gerard's words rang throughout the house as the front door swung open and five kids came rushing in. The first kid I saw was Miles and he launched himself at me and began to tell me all about his day. His small mouth was running at seventy miles per hour and it was hard to keep up when Cherry and Lily also had stories to tell.

"-played with the teacher's sand box with -----"

"-made a friend, Daddy!"

"-homework on the first day."

"Hey, one at a time please. It sounds like you all had really interesting days." I felt very overwhelmed but I had missed them while they gone. It was something about their constant noise that made me happy. I saw that Bandit, an unknown child, and Gerard were the last three to enter. Gerard picked up Miles and swung him around like an airplane. Soon, all of the kids wanted airplane rides. I caught Bandit staring enviously before disappearing into the kitchen. I stood behind for a few moments before following her in.

She was holding a miniature water bottle in her little palms and digging around in the bottom shelf of the fridge. She pulled out an apple and I smiled widely. There was no way that my kids would ever do that unless I served the apples to them. I sat on the stool and she jumped when she turned around.

"I didn't see you there. You scared me." She smiled slightly and sat down across from me.

"Sorry about that, Kiddo." She nodded and I continued, "How are you doing, little one?"

She looked at me and shook her head while smiling, "I'm good, Uncle Frankie, but I'm not little. I'm nine! I'm almost a grown up!"

I laughed and shook my head, "Close enough. Do you want me to cut your apple?"

She nodded and I got up. I searched through Gerard's drawers for a minute before Bandit tapped my arm and pointed at a cabinet above my head, "Thanks, Beezle."

I pulled down the knife and looked at her again, "You should give me a tour of the kitchen sometime." I looked at her and she smiled at the responsibility. "So, who's the new kid?"

"She's Roz. She's really fun to play with and she loves horses."

"Does she want to marry them?"

Bandit looked at me with wide eyes and I held back laughter as I chopped her apple. "No, Frankie! You can't marry horses! That'd be weird!" We both cracked up laughing.

"Well, I guess she really doesn't love horses."

Bandit rolled her eyes at me while I continued to laugh. She started eating slowly and I plucked one off her plate and left the kitchen, her protest following me out, "Hey!"

\---------

Later on that night I finally met Roz. She was an adorable child of eight years and Bandit's best friend. She had beautiful dark brown skin and big, round brown eyes. Her medium length brown hair with different shades of highlights running through it was pulled back into a tight braid that trailed over her shoulder. She was quite tall for her age and extremely energetic. She was loud with a strong Jamaican and English accent, but she played fair. She was kind and really cared for the other kids. Cherry seemed to really take a liking to her and they played together for most of the night.

I made a mental note of this and smiled as they played dress-up and put on a funny show. When dinner was going to be made, Bandit smiled knowingly and gave me a grand tour of the kitchen. I ended up making a big batch of Macaroni. I called down to them loudly and I heard them stomping down the stairs. I could hear Miles from a long ways away, "Race you, Roz!"

As I suspected, Roz let Miles win. She was very polite at the table and even Bandit laughed a lot. Bandit was very mature for her age. I could see that now.

We all sat at the rectangular table in silence just staring a bit awkwardly until Gerard cleared his throat, "So, how was all of your days?"

Bandit rolled her eyes and I started laughing. Soon the whole table was laughing and the awkward silence was broken. "Are you guys done eating?" I asked and they all nodded. Roz picked up her plate and started taking it to the sink but Gerard stopped her.

"We got this, dear. You go play with the other kids."

Then for the next few moments all we heard was the scraping of chairs dragging across the floor and more stomping feet. I started clearing away the table when a little hand beat me to it. I looked up and saw Bandit. I had originally thought she left.

"Hey, go have fun, okay? Your dad and I got this. Thank you for helping me get around the kitchen today, too." I winked at Bandit and she smiled knowingly before leaving. I carried the dishes into the sink where Gerard had already started up the water. I looked at the dishwater and pointed at it questioningly.

Gerard just shrugged, "Sue me. I wanted to talk to you alone again."

I laughed and Gerard flung soap at me. I stood there stunned before laughing again, "You did not just do that!"

"Oh, but I did!"

I grabbed a large chunk of soap from the sink and smeared it across his shirt. He shrieked like a girl, dishes forgotten, and turned the faucet hose on. He brought it up to my face and drenched me. I grabbed another handful of soap and rubbed in it his hair. It dripped down onto his face and I grabbed the hose from him. He laughed until I squirted the water into his mouth. Finally, he gave up.

"I give! I give!" I laughed and set the hose down. There were puddles of water everywhere and clumps of soap covering the both of us. Our clothes were dripping and the dishes were still as dirty as they began with.

"Fine, but I win," I replied. I was the least wet out of the two of us. Gerard rolled his eyes and shook his head. Then the next thing I knew, I was being crushed to Gerard's body. I could feel the wetness seeping through my shirt. He let go quickly and ran out of the room yelling, "I win actually!" 

I stood there laughing for the longest time afterwards. Maybe Gerard and I could actually do this.


	6. Planning and Friends

Frank's P.O.V: 

The days up to Cherry and Lily’s birthday went by in a haze of planning, friends coming over, and laughter. Every day it would be at least one friend over, if not two. It showed that Cherry and Lily had no problems with making new friends. Miles was the only one who didn’t drag anyone with him, which worried me a little, until I found out that he just kept himself with the girls and their friends, and then especially Roz.

It was always fun to see how the kids interacted with their friends. Roz was the considerate one, and always made sure that Miles would be included when they played. Bandit loved this fact, and she and Roz would drag him through everything so he wouldn’t feel left out. It always ended up being hilarious. One day they had dressed him up in Cherry's and Lily’s dresses, put a lot of makeup on him, and dragged him out in front of me and Gee. It would have been an understatement to say that we had laughed a little.

Alexandra and Ela kept mostly to Cherry and Lily and didn’t care so much for Bandit and Miles. Usually they would go up to their room and play there while Bandit would help Miles with his homework or just keep him with company.

*** 

It was now Friday and it was just two days until the birthday party. Gee and I were sitting on the couch, discussing the food list.

“Tacos Frank. That will work out. Everyone loves tacos.” Gee argued. I wanted to shake my head, thinking that it would be too messy to serve it, but I knew he was right. I nodded and wrote it down in my notebook.

“Cool, then I can make the food while you watch the kids.”

“No, not happening, Gee! You can’t cook, remember?” I shook my head, wanting to laugh at the sad expression Gerard put up. He knew he couldn’t cook, that’s why I was the one to make breakfast every morning while he drove the kids to school.

“But Frankie…” He whined. I just shook my head and laughed. No way was he going to make the food. He would just burn down the house.

“Gee, you can pick up the cake tomorrow, but that’s as far as I am letting you go with the food” He threw his arms around me, giving me a hug while bouncing up and down. I guess someone was happy that I trusted them with the cake.

“Now, get your bouncing ass off the couch and go pick up the kids” I said, still giggling over his enthusiasm.

“Yes sir!” He bounced off the couch and bowed in front of me before heading for the door. Sometimes his excitement threw me a bit off, like now. I don’t really see why he's so happy, but it helped me to have a clear head.

I got up from my place and padded out to the kitchen to make dinner. The kids always wanted dinner when they got home, and I needed to make two batches anyways since they didn’t want my vegetarian food.

As I stood there, I heard the front door opening. Voices reached me from the hallway, and I smiled. It was always good to hear their voices as they rushed inside. I heard everyone chatting happily as they hung their jackets up and took off their shoes. Soon there were loads of thuds as they ran into the kitchen. Cherry, Lily, and Bandit came in first, jumping around before they sat down at the table. Gerard came in after them and helped me set the table so we could eat dinner.

It took me about a minute to register that Miles hadn’t come in yet. I turned to Gerard to ask him where Miles where, but before I could ask him, I heard Miles’ soft voice.

“Oktober, come on, we don’t bite.” Miles came into the kitchen, dragging on a small girl that I guessed to be about his age. She was quite small and she seemed a bit shy. Miles waved at me, then pointed at the girl and stated, “Dad, I brought my new friend home! Her name is Oktober.”

“Hello Oktober.” I smiled and waved. She nodded, smiled, and waved back. “I am Frank, Miles, Cherry and Lily’s dad.”

Miles had now dragged her up to the table and motioned for her to sit down so we could start to eat. I sat down at the end of the table beside Gee before we all started to eat. The food got sent around and everyone was chatting happily. I smiled to myself, thinking that at this moment, we looked like any other normal family.

If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago if this was possible, I would have said no. Not after I lost Jams. I had been so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to keep things up without her. In the first weeks, I wasn’t able to function very well. I just did what I had to, and the rest had just fallen apart around me. I wasn’t able to be there for my kids as much as I should have been, though it seemed as they had managed well enough after their mother’s death. Either that, or they hadn’t realized that she was never coming back again.

When Gee had realized how poorly I handled the whole situation, he had quickly offered for us to come here to live with him and Bandit. I was so relieved when I got that offer, but it had also made me anxious. How were we going to raise our kids together?

I don’t think things could have worked out better than how they did now. We kind of had our roles set. I was the one who made the food around the house, since he really didn’t know how to make it. In one of the first days, he had tried to make pancakes for breakfast as a surprise for us. Unfortunately, we had all been awakened by the fire alarm instead. Since then, he had not been allowed to make any food. In return, he had to drive the kids around.

I snapped back to reality as we finished our dinner, chairs scraped against hardwood floor and several pairs of feet stumbled out of the kitchen as ‘thank you for the food' flew through the air. Gee flew out of the kitchen too, probably to paint some more, leaving me alone to take the dishes.

“See dad, I can make friends too!” Miles' head poked through the doorframe. The huge smile on his face told me that he was very happy with himself for this and I went over to him and ruffled his hair, which earned me a ‘Daad! Don’t ruin my hair!’.

“I knew you would make some friends little man.” I said, before he went out to his friend again. To be honest, I hadn’t known it, but it made me very proud of him that he had made one.

***

Sunday finally came. As I woke up, excitement filled my body. Excitement that made me jump out of bed, grabbing the clothes I had picked out for myself yesterday and run into the bathroom I shared with Gerard. I took a quick shower before I jumped into my ripped jeans and an old Green Day shirt.

I ran into Gee’s bedroom, ready to wake him up. I halfway didn’t want to when I saw how peacefully he slept, but he needed to get up. I started to shake him, but I only got grunts as a response.

“Gee, you have to get up! It’s Sunday.” I halfway screamed at him in excitement.

“I am not getting up before you bring me coffee.” He grunted and turned away.

I turned around to find his speaker standing upon a desk and plugged my phone in. Scrolling through my Spotify library until I found the one song I knew would get him out of bed, and turned it on on high volume. I was right. As soon as he heard the song, he jumped out and flew out to the bathroom with his hands over his ears. When he came back, I was crouched over, holding my arms tight around my stomach as I laughed my ass off. Nothing like a little Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex to wake someone up.

“Man, that was mean. Don’t do that ever again, or I’ll get you back for it.” Gee threatened.

I was still laughing as I went downstairs to fix the rest for the birthday party.

***

Gerard and I waved as Cherry and Lily’s guests left and then closed the door.

The day had gone smoothly. The kids had gotten here, everyone together after the sleepover, about noon. We had decided to serve tacos to them early, so they would be ready for the cake a couple of hours later. On the table was a white tablecloth in paper that covered the whole table and loads of coloring pencils. We had now hung it up at one wall in the living room to show off all the cute and cool drawings on it.

After they had eaten, they had opened presents and played lots of games. They had been everywhere all at once. Gerard and I had just kept a bit away, only watching out so nothing went wrong. Not that it was needed. All of them had behaved perfectly.

When it was time to serve the cake, most of them had gotten out a lot of energy and they all sat down again, eating in silence. But that was only after they had made a lot of ‘aww’s and ‘ohh’s.

The huge cake had made an impression on us all. The huge cake was formed as a unicorn head covered in pink frosting with edible glitter in it. There was no doubt that the bakery we had given the job to had made a huge effort in it. After the cake was halfway eaten, they all went to play again. This had kept up all until the guests had to leave.

“Daddy, it was perfect! Thank you!” Cherry and Lily came running up to me and Gee, giving us both hugs.

It looked like we did a good job with them together


	7. Realization

Gerard’s P.O.V: 

Frank and I sat on the couch watching some B rated movie but I wasn’t paying attention to the screen. I was watching Frank who was slowly drifting off to sleep on the couch. He was lying across the couch, taking up two cushions and had his head resting on my lap. I found myself combing my hands through his soft hair absentmindedly and playing with small strands that had begun to grow out. His hair grew quickly and I envied that. All of this came naturally to me and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I was so entertained by Frank. Maybe it was the way his eyes darted back and forth behind his eyelids once he did fall asleep, the way his hair was ridiculously soft no matter how many times he dyed it, or maybe it was the way he was so comfortable with me and trusted me not to write on his face while he slept on me. I smirked when I thought of the permanent marker that was sitting on my desk in my office. I could totally draw on his face right now. I debated whether or not to do it, but I realized I was too comfortable to get up and really act on it. 

I watched as Frank twitched in his sleep and shook a little. Now that I thought about it, it was a little cold in the house. I grabbed the afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over him. He smiled in his sleep for a little bit before his face relaxed again. Suddenly, a loud scream blared through the speakers of our TV and Frank’s eyes shot open in alarm. I blushed and looked away as he looked at me in confusion. He had just caught me staring at him and I honestly had no excuse for that. I silently cursed at the movie and my freaking loud speakers. I stretched and Frank rubbed his eyes. I composed my face and looked at him as he did this. He brought his hands down and I didn’t remove my gaze, “Well, welcome back to the land of the living, Frank.” 

“Were you seriously watching me sleep?” Frank was smiling and I laughed. 

“Of course I was, Weirdo. You were drooling and making these really weird sexual noises. I thought I was going to have to suffocate you with a pillow just for you to stop. It was making me uncomfortable.” I pushed him off me and he landed on the floor next to my feet. He groaned loudly and mumbled something about me being an ass before getting up and dusting himself off, “I was totally not making sexual noises or drooling and you know it, you dick.” 

He rolled his eyes at me and threw the afghan at my face as I laughed loudly. I pushed the afghan onto the couch beside me and fixed my hair that had risen due to static. I got up from the couch and followed Frank across the house where he picked up scattered toys and game pieces from the floor, “You totally were though. You mumbled his name but I already forgot it.” I picked at my fingers and looked up just as a flying pillow connected with my face. I caught it before it hit the ground and I held it looking at Frank, “Really Frank, a pillow?” 

We both laughed for a good measure before silence surrounded us. I watched him pick up a few more toys before bending down to do the same. We carried the two separate bins into the kid’s rooms before speaking again. I sighed loudly and cracked my knuckles, “What do you want to do now? We have like five more hours until I have to pick the kids up and you better not say you want to watch another movie. There’s only so much moaning I can take.” 

This time, I catch the pillow aimed for my face. 

“Shut up, Gerard. Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go to this gaming place with me. I want to take the kids sometime but we need a small break and perhaps some fun and fresh air. I heard there is mini golf and fucking go-karts there.” Frank was smiling and I was grinning right along with him. Fuck, go-karts and golf sounded really fun right now. I hadn’t been to one of these places since I was thirteen. Actually, I hadn’t even realized that I had missed it until now when Frank brought it up. 

I nodded, “Yeah that sounds like fun. I haven’t been to one of these in forever. Hurry up! We have five hours!” Frank ran across the room quickly and hugged me. I felt my heart thump in my chest and my palms get really sweaty as the impact of his body had me pinned against a wall. Frank kissed my cheek sloppily and ruffled my hair, “Thank you, Gee! Thank you, thank you, and thank you!” 

I laughed as Frank let me out of his death-grip hug and ran towards his room to get ready. I stood leaning against the wall for the longest time afterwards wondering why my heart was thumping in my chest and why I was so eager to make Frank happy. I shook my head and stared at his closed bedroom door before sighing loudly and walking towards my room on the other end of the hall. 

My mind was spinning and wrapped around that single moment, which had only lasted for two seconds in reality but happened in slow motion in my mind, when Frank’s lips connected with my cheek. I touched my cheek gently and looked at myself in the mirror before rolling my eyes at myself. I bent down over the sink and quickly washed my flaming face. I wipe away all that’s left on a black towel and stare at myself in the mirror again. What was going on with me? I shake my head at myself in the mirror before turning around and throwing a pair of clothes on. I looked at myself once more in the mirror before clearing my mind. It’s all in my head; I told myself this again and again, it’s all in my head. I cleared my throat and ran my hands through my hair a couple times to give it a messy look before deciding that I was ready to go. 

I opened the bathroom door and almost ran into Frank. His hair was the same as it was earlier but he was wearing a red and black flannel shirt with jeans that were ripped at the knees. His hand was raised and in a fist which gave me the impression that he had been just about to knock. He bit his bottom lip and laughed awkwardly before putting his hand back down to his side, “You take forever. I like your shirt, too.” I looked down at the shirt I was wearing a laughed. It was an old tour shirt that was faded from many wears and washes. I threw on a pair of ratty Converse shoes and laced the ties, “I’m ready. Are you?” 

The ride to the large gaming building was pretty short and Frank had us singing loudly and using his fist as a microphone in the car. The speakers were on high volume and we had to scream in order to sing along with the lyrics. By the end, I was laughing way too hard to sing and Frank was still going strongly. I had to admit that he was an amazing singer and I envied the way he could scream on demand for long periods of time. I had done a little screaming during Bullets but nothing compared to what Frank could do. I watched him as he kept his eyes on the road and swung his arm towards me once more. I started singing my verse before he pulled his arm back and finished the song. We already felt free and the day had really only just begun. 

Frank pulled into a free parking space and we both jumped out of the car excitedly. I was still rallied up from our singing and Frank seemed to be just the same. We met behind the car and Frank grabbed my hand excitedly, “Come on, Gee!” Then, he dragged me over to the automatic glass doors towards the little token machine. He faced me seriously as if this was a life changing issue, “Whoever doesn’t pay for this round has to pay for the next.” 

I stepped forward, “I take this as a hint that I’m paying first?” Frank nodded excitedly and grabbed my wallet from me. I trusted him with my wallet and let him buy all the tokens he wanted. He turned around with two heaping cups and handed one over. I smiled between the two of us and felt like a kid again. I was stripped of all responsibility for a few hours and it felt amazing. We took a long look around before we spotted the go-kart sign. Frank and I looked at each other before nodding and saying it at the same time, “Go-karts.” 

Ten minutes later, Frank and I were both strapped into two separate go-karts and thankfully, it was a weekday so most kids were still at school. The young man who ran the thing didn’t even know who we were so there was no danger of publicity –a thing we tried our hardest to avoid nowadays because questions about our wives and coping were hard to deal with. Frank and I had this competition going on in our minds and we both griped the steering wheel and waited for the light turn green. The young man yawned tiredly as he flipped the switch. I slammed down on the gas pedal and my vehicle sprung to life. I was neck-and-neck with Frank the whole way, laughing and yelling profanities at one another before Frank rammed my go-kart. Both of our cars stalled in the middle of the track until someone was able to come out to free us. After Frank caused our cars to stall three times –and after several warnings of “these aren’t bumper cars” and “this is supposed to be a safe and fun game for all” –we were kicked out of the go-karts. 

We walked together back into the building being escorted by the snobby manager. He gave us another dirty look before turning around and heading back to his post. I giggled loudly as Frank pulled a face at the man and then flipped him off with his long tattooed finger. We bumped shoulders as we walked and laughed at the several warnings we had been given while playing. We had spent most of our tokens and we only had two hours now before I had to pick the kids up. 

We walked around for a bit but none of the games seemed interesting until I saw a brightly lit sign advertising mini golf. I nudged Frank’s shoulder and pointed to the sign. He read it before nodding his head slowly, “I’ve never really played golf before. I’d have no idea what to do or how to play.” 

I smiled shyly at Frank, “I could teach you.” 

Moments later, we were outside, holding golf clubs, and standing outside of our first course. I went first to demonstrate and showed Frank the mechanics. I hit my golf ball into the hole on the first try and Frank respectively clapped for me. I rolled my eyes at him and pushed him forward. I glanced back and he stood awkwardly in front of the club. I had to cover my mouth with my hand in order to stop from laughing. Frank looked back at me with unsure eyes and I shook my head quickly, “Fix your hips and it’ll make the hit easier.” 

Frank nodded and moved his hips unsurely for a long minute. I stepped forward and he waved me away before taking a deep breath, “Gerard, I feel stupid. Can we go do something else?” 

I shake my head, ‘Come on, Frank. You’ve got this, okay? Here,” I stand behind him and reach my hands out to steady his hips before I pause. My heart starts thumping in my chest and indecision plagues my mind. I’m shaking and I make the decision quickly. I put one hand on each side of Frank’s hips and try not to think differently as I line him up with the club. Frank tenses in my arms for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and letting me guide him. I come up closely behind him and try not to rest my chin on his shoulder as I move my hands softly down the length of his arms and place them over his. I try to ignore the goose bumps that rise on both of his arms and hold his hands steadily on the club. Together, we swing our arms back lightly and hit the ball. We stay in that position, both of our chests rising and falling with our sped up breathing. I feel him hold his breath as the ball slowly rolls towards the hole and goes inside. The arcade music from the course plays on full blast and something inside of the both of us seems to awaken. I pull back away from Frank and sway unsteadily for a moment. His back stays turned away from me, but I can see that he’s breathing harder than before. 

Frank turns back and looks at me with a faint smile playing on his lips, “We did it, Gerard.” I can tell that something is bothering him, but it’s nothing compared to what’s going through my mind. I press my hands to my side to keep them from shaking. I turn away from Frank and barely manage to escape from the queasy feeling in my stomach. This was beyond what I was used to. I felt sick to my stomach as I walked and retrieved the ball from the hole. There had been only one other person in my life that had made me feel this way before– 

–and she was no longer here.


	8. Ieroween

Gerard’s P.O.V:

The realization that had come upon me that day had shocked me. I had always seen Frank as my friend, or, rather as my best friend in this world. I had never had any romantic feelings towards him at all. I knew our fans thought so, as they had created the whole idea of a ‘Frerard’ relationship after we had pulled a lot of stunts on stage. They even swore that I just married Lyn-Z to hide the truth, that it was just a mask, and that I was seeing Frank on the side. It had pissed me off. I loved my wife with every ounce of my body. I still love her even though she’s gone. That’s why I had been shocked to realize that I love Frank. I shouldn’t. It was too soon after my loss. But I couldn’t help what I was feeling.

I felt so uneasy about the whole situation. Frank wasn’t mine at all. He loved Jams, and he was still very much grieving over her. And that again left me feeling guilty about not grieving more over Lyn. Sure, I missed the hell out of her, but I wasn’t grieving the same way as Frank is over Jams. Frank had barely functioned when he came here, and the only reason he had functioned at all was his kids. At least I had been functioning without Lyn. Though not as much as usual, it was nothing against Frank. Frank had totally broken down. Nothing had worked for him after he got the bad news.

I, on the other hand, had overcome the sadness that had taken me. I had come over it after a month. It had been gone almost four months now. I was happy with the way things were now, even though it had taken a tragedy to get me here, and I would miss Lyn and Jamia forever. I was happy with Frank. Though, he didn’t entirely know how I felt about him, I was still happy. I was happy to raise our beautiful children together, to have him by my side and for the simple fact that I got to share my days with him.

Ever since the episode in the park, I had been more cautious though. I was extremely careful not to put us in a position where my true feelings could be revealed. I didn’t want a new week where Frank and I would go around being awkward towards each other, like we had been after the park incident.

That meant no more dish fights as we did the dishes together, no pillow fights where he would beat me until I was on the floor with him straddling me, tickling me until I begged for mercy. No more movie days or nights with Frank laying across my lap with me stroking his hair. And even more importantly, no more going to the park, showing Frank how to golf. Everything was now done normally.

The only exception to that was Frank’s birthday. It had been planned for a while now by Mikey and me, and we were finally ready for it.

\------

I woke up early in the morning as the sun started to shine through my window, knowing that I was the only one awake at this hour. I smiled to myself before getting out of bed and getting dressed. I quickly checked how I looked in the mirror before I got out to wake the kids. My hair was unruly and messy, and I had stubbles. I needed to shave, but that would have to wait. I got out of my room and made my way over to the children’s rooms, waking them up, which resulted in some low protests, before telling them to meet me downstairs when they were dressed.

A smile played across my face as I went into our little storage room. I looked up to the highest shelf and saw that Frank’s gifts were still there. Not that he would have been able to reach them there, but I could never know with him. I grabbed them and headed into the kitchen.

When I got down, I found a tray to put them on and went into the fridge to find the cake that I had hidden there yesterday after Frank had gone to bed. I took it out and placed it on the tray with the gifts all around it, then went into the pantry and found the lights for the cake. The kids had wanted to do exactly as many candles as the number Frank was turning, so there were a lot of them for me to put on the cake, but it was worth it in the end. To be honest, the cake looked rad. I mean, a pumpkin shaped cake with orange frosting and 37 black candles? He would never have guessed for that. Or at least I hoped so.

Just as I was lighting the last candle, four very tired faces looked through the door before they all padded slowly in.

“Is that daddy’s cake?” Lily probed. None of them had seen the cake yet, since they went to bed before I smuggled it into the house, and they weren’t there when I ordered it.

“Yep, that it is, Sweetie. Now, are you all ready to go wake up dad?” A choir of ‘yes’ sounded loudly and I shushed lightly at them and they quickly became silent again. “Okay, we’re gonna go up now, you can sing ‘Happy Birthday’ as loud as you want to. Miles, will you go in the front and open the door for me?”

Miles nodded excitedly and bounced out of the kitchen. I chuckled before I followed him with the girls tailing behind me. About halfway up the stairs Miles started to sing, though very faintly. The girls soon caught on and started to sing with him, one louder than the other. Lily and Cherry soon passed me in the hallway, followed by Bandit. As soon as Miles opened the door to his father’s bedroom, all of the girls stormed in, singing as loud as they could and jumping up in Frank’s bed.

“Happy birthday daddy!” They all screamed, jumping up and down, making Frank, who probably already had heard us and was sitting up waiting for us, smile.

“Thanks you guys” He said before wrapping them all in a giant hug, which made them squeal and shout ‘Daddy, you’re crushing us!’ Frank just laughed and squeezed them harder before releasing them. I laughed from the doorway, leaning onto the wall while waiting for them to be done so I could set down the tray on Franks lap.

Frank eyed the huge cake as I sauntered over and carefully set it down on his lap.

“Pumpkins? And black candles? That’s so rad!” Frank exclaimed and stretched his arms out to hug me, tipping the tray a bit to the side. I grabbed it quickly before it fell down off his lap.

“Wait with that hug until later, will ya? Now, open your gifts.” Miles nodded at my statement and reached out for his gift to give him.

“Mine first daddy!” By then, Cherry and Lily had also grabbed their gifts and shoved them in his face.

“One at the time guys.” Frank laughs.

A couple of minutes later and every gift had been opened. Frank now had a dozen of new drawings from them all, as well as small decorations that they had made. Mine, on the other hand, would have to wait until the evening.

Not long after, the once oh so perfectly shaped pumpkin cake was all in pieces, the black candles thrown away, after Frank had blown them out, of course, in a trashcan in the corner of his room. The children now had orange icing in their faces, as well as huge smiles.

“Now, get off to clean your faces and Frank will come and help you with your costumes.” The girls immediately jumped off the bed and headed straight for their bathroom, shoving and pushing each other to get there first.

“Little man, that also means you.” Frank said, trying to be serious about it, but when Miles quickly gave him a sticky hug that left icing on him, he couldn’t help but laugh. Miles then jumped out and headed for the bathroom too.

\-----

A couple of hours later Mikey, Ray and I stood in the living room, waiting for Frank to come back from dropping off the kids at Roz’ place. They had been invited over to a Halloween sleepover, so they would spend the night there together with all their friends. That had left us with the house empty.

We hadn’t planned anything big for him, but we had gotten lots of food, beverages and more shitty horror movies. In one way, it wasn’t so much, but in another, it was something we enjoyed and that we used to do. I had even decided that I would drink a little this night, since it was Frank’s birthday. But just a little.

“I’m back!” Frank’s voice cut me out of my thoughts, and I could hear the door slam shut after him. It took about a minute, and then he came around the corner and into the living room. He stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he saw us, stared and then ran over to us, engulfing us in one of his famous bear hugs.

“Ah, you’re all here! Now everything is perfect.” He said and squeezed us even tighter for a second before releasing us, running over to the couch and plopping down. “This is my spot now, motherfuckers!”

We all laughed and headed over, plopping down on the chairs and me on the couch with Frank, sitting upon his legs, which earned me a lot of ‘Move you motherfucker!’, ‘Asshole’ and ‘Gee, get the fuck off!’

\------

Many hours later the living room was littered with empty beer cans, DVD covers and empty bags of chips. A movie was running on the TV, but I had no idea which one it was, as we had seen way too many. Mikey had fallen asleep in his chair just after we started this movie, and Ray had called Christa so she could pick him up. Frank had dozed off beside me, but woke up as soon as I moved a bit.

“What? Oh, how long was I out?” His words came fumbling out, and he couldn’t keep his gaze straight.

“Nothing has happened, Frankie. Though, Ray’s being picked up soon.” Frank then proceeded to push himself up in a sitting position and look around him. Ray had already gone out in the hallway, waiting for Christa.

Frank stood up and stretched, his back popping as he did so. He bent over to take out the movie just as I heard a car horn blared from outside. I heard the front door open and then Ray's loud voice called back towards us, "Hey, I'm out! Christa's here. See you guys soon. Happy Birthday, Frank!"

Frank rolled his eyes and stage whispered, "Ray, stop yelling! I can hear ya just fine.”

"Whatever man." Ray replied from the front hall as Frank rolled his eyes.

The next thing we heard was the door closing and Frank and I were left alone with Mikey still asleep on the couch.

Frank started to head for the stairs to go back up, but his feet were wobbly, and he couldn’t quite keep steady. I decided to help him, and got up myself. As I pushed myself off the couch, my vision went blurry and I fell back. I tried once again and succeeded. I got myself over to him and laid his arm over my shoulder to support him. Together we wobbled ourselves up the stairs. On the last step he lost his balance and fell towards the wall, dragging me with him.

I was suddenly pressing Frank against the wall, my whole body pressed against him. His breathing was ragged and laced with the smell of beer. His golden hazel eyes stared at me, burning me with his gaze.

Before I knew what I was doing, my lips were pressed against his, his hot and ragged breath stroked over me. My hands were on his chest, feeling it rise under my touch. Then I felt his hands on my chest and I felt the wall on the other side hit my back, knocking the air out of my lungs. Frank pushed himself off the wall and stalked unsteadily towards his room.


	9. The Aftermath

Gerard’s P.O.V

Dots of light prickled behind my eyes as I came to myself. The pillow underneath my head felt heavenly as a band marched through my head, making a lot of noise and making me cringe. I laid down into my pillow for a little longer, refusing to open my eyes. I was completely sure that I was hung-over and I wanted nothing more than a cup of coffee and a dose of aspirin.

I turned a little in my bed and the pain only intensified. It was times like these that I wish Lindsey was still here, sleeping next to me. She was much more responsible than I was. She didn’t drink excessively and she always seemed to know exactly what I needed when I needed it. I felt a soft pang in my heart and it was true what they say. Time did heal all wounds. It definitely wasn’t hurting as bad as it did a couple of months ago. I missed her. I missed her like fucking crazy, but I knew now that I could manage without her. Just the thought of managing without her made me upset, but it was enough to pull myself out of bed and grit my teeth against the throbbing in my head.

The room seemed to pitch and roll violently once I was standing. I had to grip the bed frame and close my mouth to avoid puking all over the floor. I bolted dizzily towards the bathroom in my room and barely had enough time to lean over the toilet before I was throwing up. It felt like my stomach was twisting itself inside out, but I had to admit that I felt better after getting rid of the contents in my stomach. Minutes later, I stood shakily at the counter and wiped my mouth sloppily with the back of my hand. I turned the cold water on and pulled the aspirin out of the medicine cabinet. I dipped my head down below the water and lapped it up like a dog from the sink, swallowing the pills with it. They’d take about thirty minutes to kick in, that I knew.

I looked at myself in the mirror and brushed my greasy hair out of my face, my lips looking swollen. Something about looking at my lips nagged the back of my brain, but I figured it was just the hangover and my sudden burning need for a cup of coffee. I rubbed my eyes tiredly before brushing my teeth quickly with my finger. If I used toothpaste, then my coffee would taste horribly and I didn’t need that at the moment.

I walked awkwardly out of my room and had to hold the banister on the stairs to hold myself upright, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I felt a little more human, but my head was still scraping against itself relentlessly, and it was kind of pain to have to stop every other stair just to stop another dizzy spell.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I could hear shuffling coming from the kitchen and low voices and there was the familiar sound of mugs clanking together. I stumbled a bit on my way towards the kitchen and right before I was able to open the door, Mikey pulled it open. We jumped simultaneously and then Mikey gripped at his head, groaning, “Morning, Gee.”

“Mikey,” It took me a moment before it suddenly hit me. Last night had been Frank’s birthday, we sent the kids to Roz’s house, Ray had left when Christa picked him up, and Mikey had fallen asleep on the couch, but that didn’t account for Frank or how I managed to get into my bedroom.

“You’re worse than the rest of us. Frank’s still grumbling a bit, but two mugs and a third on the way seem to be helping. I’m good enough to drive home or whatever.” Mikey flapped his hand in the air dismissively. “Be good with Frank, he seems to be out of it this morning.”

Mikey looked at me pointedly before rolling his eyes and heading towards the door. He was almost out the door when I called to him, “What the hell is that even supposed to mean?” I was definitely too hung over for this and Mikey only waved absently over his shoulder before leaving.

I grumbled under my breath something about mysteriously acting brothers before pushing the kitchen door open and running right into Frank. His mug hit my chest and splashed burning hot coffee on the both of us. I yelled “Fuck!” at the same time Frank exclaimed “Jesus!” Coffee splattered and landed on the front of my shirt, dripping down onto my feet while it scorched Frank’s hands and the spilt all over the floor. Frank hissed before rushing over to the table and setting the mug down, blowing on his hands. I just stood there in shock before leaning forward and pulling the burning shirt away from my skin. It was quite the sight.

When we managed to recover whatever dignity we once had, Frank cut me a dirty look before stomping over to the paper towels. He ripped a couple off the roll viciously before I could say anything. I wasn’t too sure what had brought on this mood swing and I actually hoped that it was the coffee. I wasn’t sure what I was sorry for just yet, but I tried it anyways, “Hey, um, Frank, I’m sorry.”

Frank’s gripped tightened on the paper towels and he looked in my direction, his face showing nothing but fury. If looks could kill, then I’d have been dead for a while now. Frank only narrowed his eyes and managed out a “yeah, me too” before shoving the paper towels into my stomach, hard enough to make me grunt, and then disappeared from the kitchen, his coffee long forgotten.

I stood leaning against the counter for a long time afterwards feeling completely confused. It wasn’t until I heard the front door slam that I managed to unfreeze and lean down to clean up the spill. When that was taken care of, I grabbed Frank’s discarded coffee and tested the temperature before dumping it down the sink. It was already too cold for my taste, and, oddly enough, it felt weird to think about drinking after Frank even though I had done it millions of times before.

My thoughts were occupied as I poured myself a mug and I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why Frank was in such a mood. What did I do? Yesterday, I could remember Frank sleeping on my lap and him waking up just as Ray was leaving. I could remember Frank trying to get up the stairs and being dizzy as I stood up to help him, but it was all fuzzy after that.

I was halfway through my second mug before I finally remembered the rest of last night. It replayed in my head like a scene from a horror movie and I had to set my mug down in order to keep my shaking hands from dropping it. My heart started slamming guiltily in my chest and I felt terrified. Then, everything rushed back at once. My headache intensified, my stomach flipped itself inside out, and I was leaning out of my chair and puking heavily into the sink. Everything suddenly made sense again. The way he was acting was completely justified, but even this only made things worse. If Frank never forgave me, then I deserved it. I had taken advantage of him. I had kissed Frank, my best friend who was still grieving over his dead wife.

Frank’s P.O.V:

I had woken up this morning a bit disgruntled with my head screaming at me for all it was worth. I was definitely hung over but not enough to completely forget what had happened last night. Gerard had kissed me and to say I was furious, would be an understatement.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

I gripped the wheel tightly, barely noticing the way my knuckles strained and turned a ghostly shade of white. I knew without a doubt that without Gerard I would’ve failed as a father and my kids would most likely be living full time with their grandma until I managed to figure things out. I was grateful for Gerard. He was always there when no one else was. He was someone to talk to when I thought even Jamia wouldn’t understand, but I thought that that just came naturally with friendship. I didn’t think that Gerard would expect something back. Was he expecting something back?

I slammed on my brakes as the light turned red and the car in front of me stopped suddenly to obey the law. My heart started thumping unevenly in my chest before I released my death grip on the steering wheel. My anger wasn’t worth dying for. Instead, I turned up whatever CD was playing and used it to drown out the rest of my thoughts.

Roz lived on the opposite side of town where the houses were a bit smaller but still known for their high reputation. I stopped in front of the familiar two-story, red bricked house and stopped the car. My hands were still shaking a bit, but I couldn’t tell if it was from the excessive coffee amount I had this morning, the fact that Gerard kissed me and I wasn’t really angry anymore, or from the almost accident I had just had. My mind was a bit scattered and I had to take several deep breaths before I could fully get out of the car.

I walked up the front yard leading up to the dark wooden door. I could hear the kids screaming and yelling from inside the door. I flinched when a particularly high pitched scream reached my ears and I almost laugh at the fact that I know Miles was responsible for that. Just hearing the kids playing innocently lifts the weight from my chest and relieves some of the stress I had been carrying. Sure, it was still there, nagging me, wanting me act like an adult about it, but when I was with my kids, I didn’t have to deal with relationships or lack thereof.

I ring the doorbell and most of the noise dies down. I can hear shuffling coming from inside and when Roz’s mom answers the door, five kids are peering out curiously from behind her. Lily is the first one to react and she throws herself excitedly at me, “Daddy! You’re back!”

After that, it’s like a race to get into the car first. Bandit and Miles hung back as Cherry and Lily argued over the middle seat before Bandit shrugged and entered the passenger seat. Both Lily and Cherry stopped talking at the same time and stared at Bandit as if she was some kind of genius. I figured they’d be pretty disappointed when I told them they weren’t old enough to do that yet.

As they got situated in the car, Miles helped me carry their long forgotten bags into the trunk like the little helper he was. When I was bending over to pick up Bandit’s suitcase full of Barbie’s, Miles jumped on my back excitedly, “Daddy, can I have piggyback ride?”

I laughed, “Miles, don’t tell the girls this, but you can have as many piggyback rides whenever you want until you’re too heavy for me to carry. Deal?”

Miles squealed excitedly and I could feel him nodding against my back. As I stood up, I looked in the circular mirror and caught his eyes, “Don’t tell the girls, little man. This is just our deal.”

Miles grinned widely and seemed to know that this was our way of bonding.

When we got home, each girl was responsible for taking her own bags upstairs into her room and sorting the dirty clothes from the clean ones. Gerard was still standing in the kitchen as if he hadn’t moved the whole time I was gone, but I knew that he’d gone up and changed shirts because the coffee was no longer there and perhaps he showered, but I couldn’t tell from across the room. I stayed as far away from Gerard as I could and avoided meeting his eyes, even as he tried to meet mine on several occasions. Eventually, I just gave up on being downstairs with him and disappeared into my room for the rest of night.

\--------

The following week was painfully awkward. Gerard and I hadn’t exchanged more than a sentence since my birthday and the kids were slowly catching on. The tension was always there when Gerard and I found ourselves in the same room. It was like the kids knew to be quiet or to make an excessive amount of noise to make up for the absence of ours. It got to the point where I started to consider moving out when Gerard did try and talk to me, but that was mostly because he got all choked up and it would just be too much for me to handle. I’d duck out of the room only seconds later just barely missing the sounds of him breaking something in the room and cursing at himself loudly.

I was spending another slow day in my room, staring at the walls and wondering why not talking to Gerard was a lot more painful than the silences between us when there was a small knock on my door. I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise before they furrowed in confusion, “Who is it?”

The door cracked open a bit and I held my breath until Bandit poked her little head in the room, looking absolutely frightened and worried, “It’s me, Bandit.”

I sat up in my bed and ran a lazy hand through my hair. I couldn’t help smiling at the fact that she introduced herself after I had already seen her, “What’s up, Beezle?”

She took that as an open invitation into my room. She looked around as if she was entering this side of the house for the first time in her life before sitting down on the bed beside me, “This used to be mom’s painting room before. She used it because it has so many windows to let in the light.”

I wasn’t sure what Bandit was trying to say or why she was even in my room, but I decided to play along. Perhaps she just wanted to talk about her mom, “Your mom was an extraordinary woman, you know. She and I got along quite a bit and her band was fucking rad.” I covered my mouth after cussing in front of Bandit and felt cliché saying it like that, but I meant it in the most sincere way.

Bandit just smiled, “Yeah, I know. Daddy tells me about her a lot. At first, he couldn’t, but since you’ve moved in here, he started doing it a lot more.” She was quiet for a long time, “He gave me a picture of her that I hide in my nightstand. I don’t tell Daddy, but I talk to her sometimes. I think she listens to me.”

I was still at a loss for words. The afterlife wasn’t my expertise and I wasn’t sure how Gerard was bringing Bandit up religion wise. I just zipped my lips and nudged her a bit with my shoulder like I did sometimes with Gerard. She nudged me back softly and we were good for a while. Bandit was exactly like her father when it came to personality. There was always the way they talked, how they explained things on a different level, but I could always decipher it. I always knew what they were trying to say.

Bandit was kicking her legs out slowly in front of her before she nudged me again, “After my mom died, dad stopped smiling so much. He’d always send me to grandma’s house and work extra hard on paintings and stuff. I read a few things daddy wrote in a book and he wasn’t happy. He was really sad for a long time, but he got better. He started smiling more when you moved in. Everything got better when you moved in with Lily, Cherry, and Miles. You smile a lot, too, now.”

Bandit didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, she nudged my shoulder again, kissed my cheek softly, and left the room, closing the door softly behind herself. I sat there, dumbfounded before laying back down on the bed. Gerard smiled more around me? I smiled more around him? I reviewed the last month in my head and thought about all that Gerard had provided for us. I thought about the way Gerard went out of his way to include me in things. I remembered Cherry and Lily’s birthday. I remembered my birthday and the kiss. I touched my lips, the same lips that Gerard had pressed his mouth to a week ago. I felt my stomach flip and my lips tingle where Gerard had touched them.

Gerard was always there. He never stopped taking care of me and suddenly I felt like the world’s biggest idiot. I didn’t love Gerard, not yet, but there was something there. There was something other than friendship lurking in the way my stomach flipped when he touched me. There was something in the way his smile that made my insides twist and swell. There was something in the way he made my lips tingle after a single kiss. I love Jamia. I’ve always loved Jamia, but perhaps I could feel that way about two people.


	10. Agreement

Frank’s P.O.V

The words rang through my head as I rethought them. Maybe I could love Gerard, too. Maybe it was possible for me to love more than one person. My body said ‘yes’ as I felt a slight tingling on my lips as I remembered the kiss. The drunken kiss. And even though it was a drunken act, I knew that it hadn’t come from nothing. I knew that Gerard probably didn’t mean to do what he had done, but a part of him wanted it.

I remembered how weird it had felt to have his lips pressed against mine again, and this time it hadn’t been a stunt. His lips had felt warm and hot against mine and his alcohol-stenched breath had fanned me across the face. It had been familiar and nice, and those feelings had shocked me to the core. I remembered the guilt that had hit me and the anger that welled up inside me. Even though Gerard clearly had been drunk, even more so than me, he had no right to use me like that. So I had done the only logical thing my drunken mind had come up with. I pushed him away.

I had pushed him away in such a manner that our whole family now suffered from it. We weren’t talking and it now affected our kids.

Even though it was first now that any of them had in any way confronted us with it, I had a feeling they'd caught on pretty early. That was probably why they hadn’t brought any friends over for the past week.

I didn’t like that. I didn’t like when my fight with Gerard affected the kids. It was time to grow up and deal with this as the adults we were. That meant that no matter how mad I was at Gerard for taking advantage of me in my drunken state of mind, I couldn’t hold that against him anymore. At least not when I really didn’t mind it anymore.

\--------

I got up from my bed and padded out of the room. I could hear voices downstairs, otherwise the house sounded abandoned. Bandit’s high-pitched voice drifted out, and I guessed that she and Gerard was discussing something from her insisting tone. Curious as I was, I snuck down, careful not to make any sounds.

“But, daddy, why won’t you and Frankie talk to each other? And, I can tell there’s something wrong, as none of you are smiling, so don’t try to hide it from me.” Bandit’s voice reached me as I slowly tiptoed towards the kitchen.

“Because daddy did something bad, Beezle. He did something he really shouldn’t have done.” I reached the doorframe and peeked inside the kitchen. Gerard was sitting on a barstool beside the counters, his head in his hands and his whole body slumped together. Bandit was sitting on the counter beside him, looking down on him with question marks in her eyes.

“But daddy, why don’t you just ask for forgiveness for the bad thing that you did? I know Frankie isn’t so mad at you that he won’t forgive you.” Her sweet voice was so pure and innocent, yet she held a wisdom in it that none of us knew where she had gotten it from.

Gerard took his head out of his hands and looked up at her, before asking, “How do you know he’s not that mad at me?”

“Because I talked to him, silly.” She smiled at him, before she pointed towards me and said, “And, he’s standing there now.” Gerard’s head snapped in my direction, his eyes widened when he spotted me. I pulled my mouth up in a small smile before stepping into the kitchen.

“Frank, what are you…”

“Gee, we need to talk.” I interrupted him, before I turned to Bandit. “And for you Beezle, it’s bed time.” She stuck her tongue out at me and gave me a small wink. “Okay Beezle, you can get a piggy back ride.” I sighed, and she quickly climbed up on my back from the counter.

I walked up to the kid’s bathroom, grunting a little on the way as I realized how heavy Bandit actually was. I couldn’t fathom how Gerard was able to give her as many piggy back rides as he did when I already had problems with my girls. Once we got there, I sat her down on the toilet lid and let out a small huff as the weight got off my back.

“Brush your teeth Beezle, and then you can go to bed.”

“I know Frankie.” She said, looking at me like I was stupid. “I’ve done it before. But, could you sing me a song before I sleep?” Her question surprised me a bit, as she had never asked me to sing for her before. It was usually Gerard who did that, while I sang for my kids. But then again, now that we lived together, they were our kids, so maybe this was a part of the change? And if it was, then it was a change for the better.

“Sure Beezle.” I nodded. “What song do you want me to sing?”

“Can you sing me the song that daddy wrote for mommy?” She asked, hope shining through her brown eyes. “Daddy won’t sing it after mom went away, and I really do want to hear it again, one last time.” Her little plea made me tear up a little, but I agreed. If that was the song she wanted to hear, I would sing it for her, even though it would have sounded much better coming from Gee.

As soon as she was done brushing her teeth thoughtfully I shushed her out of the bathroom and into her bedroom. All the way she was dancing and skipping steps, before she jumped up in her bed and got under the covers. I tucked her in, before I started to sing.

“When the light go out/Will you take me with you?/And carry all these broken bones/Through six years down in crowded rooms . And highways I call home/Is something I can’t know till now/Till you picked me off the ground/With a brick in hand, your lipgloss smile/Your scraped up knees and

If you stay/I would even wait all night/Or until my heart explodes/How long?/Until we find our way/In the dark and out of harm/You can run away with me/Anytime you want

Terrified of what I’d be/As a kid from what I’ve seen/Every single day/When people try/And put the pieces back together/Just to smash them down/Turn my headphones up real loud/I don’t think I need them now/Couse you stop the noise out

If you stay/I would even wait all night/Or until my heart explodes/How long?/Until we find our way/In the dark and out of harm/You can run away with me/Anytime you want”

Tears quickly formed in my eyes as I sang the words that was the story between Lyn and Gee. I looked down on Bandit, who had fallen asleep while I had been singing. I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before I headed out of her room, closed the door and went down to talk to Gerard.

Gerard was still sitting on the same barstool as he had been before, but his head was back in his hands. I walked over and sat down in front of him and sighed lightly. It was now or never. We needed to sort our problems out.

Gerard didn’t lift his head from his hands as I cleared my throat to let him know that I was there, so I grabbed his hands and dragged them away from his face. His face was stained with tears. I quickly let go of his hands and pulled him in for a hug, while asking him, “Gee, what’s wrong?”

I didn’t get an answer as he cried on my shoulder and soaked my shirt with his salty tears. We sat there for a while, he with his head on my shoulder, tears streaming and hiccupping, and me just holding my arms tightly around him as he let it all out. After some time, he started to ramble some incoherent words through his crying, but I didn’t entirely catch on to what he was trying to say. It took a bit more time before the crying stopped and I finally caught on.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Frankie. I didn’t mean to. I am such a bad parent. I can’t even sing the one song for B when she wants me to. I heard you sing it, Frank, I heard you sing it to her. It brought back so many memories, Frankie. So many of them. I miss her so much.” Each sentence came out with a small sob and hiccup. “The kids are noticing, Frank. They’re noticing that we’re mad at each other. I don’t want that, Frankie. I really don’t want that. But, I understand why you’re mad at me. I shouldn’t have hurt you like that, Frank. I shouldn’t have. But Frank, I didn’t mean to do it. I am so sorry, so, so sorry.” After the last sentence, new tears escaped his eyes again. I hugged him even closer to me.

“Gee, hush, it’s okay.” I soothed. “You are not a bad parent for not being able to sing that song to her. It’s okay. She understands why you can’t sing it to her. And, I am not mad at you, Gee. I am not mad anymore, I promise.” As I said the last sentence, he pulled away from my embrace, dried his tears with the back of his hand and looked at me hopefully.

“Do you mean that Frankie?”

“Yes, I mean that, Gee. I just want things to go back to normal between us. I want us to work as a team again.” Gerard quickly nodded to agree with me. I felt the lump that had been present in my throat all day vanish. “Now, Gee, what do you say to an old school movie night?”

The answer came in the form of Gerard getting up on his feet, running out to the living room to pick out movies and yelling, “You’re fixing the popcorn and soda!”

Oh well, at least everything will go back to normal. But, was that what I really wanted?


	11. Thanksgiving

Frank’s POV:

With time, everything turned back to normal and the days seemed to pass by without much incident. Before we knew it, we were in the middle of November and the kids were off school for a week for Thanksgiving Break. The situation with Gerard seemed to heal itself over time. There were still a few awkward boundaries and times when we were a little too intimate to be considered friends, but we were slowly working past it. I had grown to really appreciate and look forward to the next time it would happen. I could feel that Gerard sometimes had to force himself to act normal and not accidently brush my lower back or kiss my cheek, but, other than that, we were fine. Fine wasn’t what I was aiming for, though.

Gerard and I were now sitting on the floor with Gerard’s sketchpad, the one we now used to plan for almost every holiday involving the children, between us. The kids were stomping around upstairs like elephants and screaming loud enough to wake the neighbors. That is if the neighbors were sleeping at noon on a Tuesday, though. The TV was on some cooking show and a Martha Stewart knock off was showing us how to 'properly' cook a turkey. Honestly, I thought she was being a little full of herself and going out of her way to impress the viewers. But with Thanksgiving only three days away, Gerard and I were considerably late.

Gerard was currently staring at the screen in disgust as the lady stretched the skin between the turkey’s skin and the breast meat to rub butter between it and then shove Rosemary and Thyme in there, too. Gerard took a deep breath before grabbing the sketchpad up from the ground and writing down her steps. Then, we continued watching as she separated the legs of the turkey and started to shove the stuffing into it. Gerard set the sketchpad back down on the floor and we both looked at each other wide-eyed. Our expressions mirrored one another as Gerard spoke, “Do we really need to stick our hands inside of the turkey?”

I nodded while gesturing to the screen and Gerard paled, “That’s disgusting.”

***

“You know you’re putting the stuffing in the turkey, right?” I asked, leaning against the counter with my arms crossed over my chest as I watched Gerard place the very last of the Thyme in the bird.

Gerard turned around and raised his eyebrows, “Um, no I’m not?”

“Actually,” I replied laughing. “You kind of are.”

***

“Oh god, Frank! I’m going to throw up! This is so disgusting! Gerard’s voice was higher than I had ever heard it before as he uncertainly held his stuffing-filled hand just outside of the turkey’s entrance.

“Just put it inside the turkey really quickly and then take your hand out! I don’t know!” My voice was rushed and an octave higher than I would normally talk, too.

Gerard hurriedly reached inside and squealed loudly like a six-year-old girl before he took his hand out. The glove was now covered in stuffing and the uncooked meat flung out onto the both of us as he ripped his hand out too fast. We both screamed and I almost ran out of the kitchen when Gerard gagged. He looked away from his hand and frowned, “Remind me why I’m doing this again?”

“I’m a vegetarian!” I ran over to the sink and grabbed the cloth off the side. I quickly wiped the little bits of meat that had splattered on me onto the towel before doing the same for Gerard.

Gerard groaned, “You’re lucky that you’re you. I’d never do this for anyone else.”

I froze as the words registered in my mind. Gerard seemed to notice, but didn’t say anything as his face turned bright red. Then, he stuck another stuffing-filled hand inside the turkey and our squealing and yelling continued.

***

“Knock, knock,” said Mikey as he entered through our front door without knocking while I was standing in the kitchen making sandwiches for the kids. I thought it was pretty stupid considering that he actually didn’t knock. It was like telling someone you were laughing even though you weren’t or saying ‘lol’ in place of smiling or actually laughing. But, that was Mikey. He still had that bit of awkward personality.

The kids, who were all sitting in the living room waiting for their lunch because Gerard and I deemed it unsafe to have children poking around in the kitchen while the stove and oven were operating, all rushed to the door to greet Mikey, their favorite and only Uncle apart from Jamia’s side of the family. Gerard was taking his turn with stirring every pot on the stovetop as Mikey ducked his head into the kitchen, “Hey Frank, Gee, I was wondering if you two were okay with me staying over for dinner? I, um, kind of brought Sarah over too and promised her that we would be eating here tonight. Plus, we brought a few things for the kids.”

I stopped making the fourth sandwich and was about to turn Mikey away when Gerard cut me off, “Yeah, that’s totally okay, Mikes. What’s that saying that people always say when more people are added to a celebration or something?”

“The more the merrier?” I asked.

“Exactly!” Gerard exclaimed happily, bringing the spoon he was stirring with up. The gravy that stuck to the spoon when he brought it up flung onto the wall just beside Mikey and Gerard brought the spoon down again, “Oops?”

“I got it.” I sighed trying to stifle laughter before turning my attention fully to Mikey as I grabbed the washcloth from the sink and wetted it, “So, why aren’t you at Sarah’s family?”

Mikey leaned against the wall the shrugged, “Her family is out of town, and we had no plans of our own. I figured you and Chef Gerard over there had plans because you have kids. That’s pretty much it.” Mikey’s face turned red as I continued staring at him. He rolled his eyes and smiled, “You know, Sarah and I both like sandwiches, too.”

***

After lunch, I finally got to talk to Sarah. I learned that her modelling had shot sky high, and that she therefor had to move around a lot, so she didn’t get to be as much with Mikey as she wanted. She was therefore very happy when her manager had told her that she got to go home on break for Thanksgiving, and that we didn’t mind having her over.

They kept to themselves for most of lunch, but afterwards Bandit managed to drag them upstairs for ‘arts and crafts time’ with the rest of the kids and the supplies Sarah and Mikey brought along as a surprise. I could only guess what it was they were making when they came running down the stairs for brown, orange, red, and yellow crayons and paper. That’s not even mentioning the odd abundance of plastic spoons, which Gerard seemed to be really enthusiastic about and kept talking about Thanksgiving when he and Mikey were younger.

The house was practically silent for the next couple of hours apart from Gerard and me talking about the food and the clanking of dishes. Time seemed to fly by and soon dinner was ready. Instead of yelling up the stairs as I usually would do, I decided to go upstairs and peek in on what the kids, Mikey, and Sarah were creating. I felt a little guilty since we hadn’t really decorated the house like we had done previous years, but I figured that it was time to do thing a bit differently with each holiday. I was slowly realizing that holidays would never be what they once were and we’d only continue to change them as we readjusted to our lives now.

I crept up the stairs quietly and could hear laughter coming through the cracked door. They were all in Cherry and Lily’s room and when I peeked inside I saw them all laying on their stomachs on the ground. It looked like glitter had exploded everywhere and I made a mental note to bring a vacuum cleaner up later, but I chose not to worry about it at the moment. Instead, I looked at the crafts the kids had made. There were handprint turkeys littering the floor in every color imaginable, multi-colored stick figures on paper with all of our names above an individual, construction paper stapled together to look like a tall black hat that the pilgrims wore, coloring sheets with pumpkins on them, and plastic spoons with red, orange, and yellow paper glued to them, which looked really cool. Though, I would never tell that to Gee, as he would be sure to make that a tradition out of it. 

I stood there for the longest time afterwards staring at what the kids had created. I watched Bandit glue feathers and glitter onto another plastic spoon before Sarah leaned down and gave her those googly eyes that moved when you shook the object they were attached to. I saw Mikey cutting out hand shapes that were about the same size as Miles’ hand and when he was done, Sarah reached out and grabbed Mikey’s newly freed hand. They stood together, holding hands, and admiring the kids. I was stuck in a trance as I watched them and it surprised me when Gerard lightly put his hand on my upper back. I turned around just as he was about to say something as put a finger to my lips and Gerard hushed immediately. I pointed to the door and Gerard looked inside.

I watched his face as his eyes lit up at the sight and his lips pulled up into the smile that made my insides twirl and my heart skip a few beats. His breathing grew shallow and before I could stop myself, I reached out and grabbed his hand. Gerard tensed up a bit as I did this and he pulled away from the door. I could feel my face heating up, but I just shrugged and Gerard relaxed. He squeezed my hand once and I squeezed back twice. We stood side by side with our hands intertwined, peering in at our family and loving what we saw.

***

Dinner went by in a blur and soon we’re all sitting in the living room and watching the annual Thanksgiving Parade and cartoons that are made. There was some talk about a Thanksgiving football game, but no one seemed to really care about that. Bandit was sitting on my lap, curled against my chest. I could feel her breathing even out and she was asleep before I could manage to sit up on the couch. I smiled down at her sleeping face and caught Gerard’s eyes from across the room. He smiled at me before crossing the room and sitting down next to me.

“She really likes you, you know.” Gerard smiled at me before leaning over and kissing the top of Bandit’s head, “She talk about you a lot, too. You’re really good to her.”

I shrug, “She’s an easy kid and really smart. Sometimes, I feel like she’s smarter than I am and she knows something that I don’t.”

“Don’t I know it,” Gerard laughed as he got off the couch, scooping a sleeping Miles into his arms as he did so. “I’ll take this one into his room if you’ve got Beezle.”

“Yeah, I’ve got her.” Then I looked over to Mikey and Sarah, “We’ll be right back.”

Mikey waved us off and stood up from the couch, stretching. Gerard and I made another stop down the stairs to grab Cherry and Lily. I watched silently as Gerard picked up Lily and she clung onto him like a monkey, and when Gerard kissed her forehead, it made my heart completely dissolve. We took them up to their rooms and I watched Gerard tuck her in. If I didn’t already have feelings for him, it would have been a guarantee by now.

I felt myself freeze as I just realized what I had thought. Did I really have feelings for Gerard? In my mind, it had become an obvious thing. It was in the way I acted and what I wished Gerard and I were doing, but it was different when I was admitting it to myself. Finally, I just decided that not thinking about it was for the best. I felt something for Gerard and not identifying at the moment was probably for the best. Instead, I decided to focus on tucking Cherry in.

She was adorable while she slept and I found myself staring down at her. Cherry and I hadn’t been very close lately. I thought of ways I could change that and smiled down at her before kissing her forehead lightly and leaving the room.

On my way out, I ran into Mikey and realized that Gerard had left quite some time ago. I smiled at Mikey and he faintly returned the gesture, “Kids are really adorable when they sleep.”

“Don’t I know it,” I said, repeating what Gerard said earlier and leaning comfortably against the wall.

“Yeah, I guess you do.” Mikey replied, smiling. Mikey wasn’t one to do things without reason, and I could tell from the way he was taking deep breaths, he had a bit more on his mind, but I didn’t want to rush him. We stood there for a little while longer before Mikey leaned against the wall, too, looking just the tiniest bit vulnerable, “So, what do you think about Sarah?”

“You know how I feel about her. She’s nice and great with the kids. And, you’ve been going steady for years now. Why? Is there something that’s bothering you?

“Thanks, Frank, but not really. I guess I’m just overthinking things.” We both got off the walls and started heading down the stairs when Mikey stopped me again. “Oh, and what’s up with you and Gerard? Usually you two are really touchy feely kind of people. You two act differently now. Did something happen?”

I nodded and Mikey only raised his eyebrows in question. There was only one person who knew Gerard like I knew Gerard, and it was Mikey. Before I could stop myself, I found myself telling Mikey about the kiss and the week or two we didn’t speak as well as a few of my thoughts. Mikey only nodded blankly and just before he opened his mouth to speak, Sarah called his name from the bottom of the stairs. We both jumped before gathering our senses and walking back down the stairs to the empty living room.

“Where’s Gerard?” I asked Sarah.

“He’s in the kitchen. He said something about cleaning up a mess and you tucking in the kids.” Then she turned to Mikey, “It’s getting really late.”

Mikey yawned, “Yeah, I’m going to go say goodbye to Gerard and then we’ll go, okay?”

Sarah nodded as Mikey disappeared into the kitchen. I turned to her and gestured towards the couch, “You might want to sit down. Those two tend to talk a lot.”

Sarah just laughs, “I figured,” before sitting down on the couch. We watched some type of game show and got really into it. By the end, we were betting on who would win when Gerard and Mikey reemerged. Sarah got up and starting cheering while I laughed and pulled out my wallet, handing her the ten dollars we bet on. I was too wrapped up in saying goodbye to notice just how quiet Gerard was being and how lost in thought he seemed. It wasn’t until I was lying in bed around two in the morning that it finally hit me. I couldn’t help but feel nervous when I reviewed over the things that Mikey could’ve told Gerard. Suddenly, I was unsure on what tomorrow would look like.


	12. New Traditions

Frank’s POV:

To my surprise, nothing bad came out of Mikey talking to Gerard. In fact, Gerard now seemed more confident around me. Not in an ‘I know you like me’ kind of way, but generally more confident. He basically went back to doing what he’d done before the kiss. He would play with my hair while we watched movies, brush his hips or arms against mine when we passed each other in the hall. He was back to being the old Gerard, the one I always had loved. Though, every time his arms would brush against mine, it would send tingles down my spine, and would shiver slightly. I don’t think he noticed these small things, but I did, and every time I started to question exactly what I felt for him. In the end, I chose to ignore it. The answer could wait. I had a family to take care of.

\-----

Over the days, school was back and our routines went back with it. Or, as close to it as it could be. Friends would come over after school to play, Gerard would work on his art, while I practiced on my guitar. So, to break this boring routine, I decided to have a day with baking gingerbread and brown sticks with the kids. But, to avoid an extreme amount of mess, I was now making the dough beforehand.

I huffed out as I got done kneading the dough for the gingerbreads, before finding a bowl in one of the many cabinets to store it in until tomorrow. Once I found one in plastic, I found foil to cover it up in so it wouldn’t dry out and put it into the fridge. Then I went over to the table, which now was messy with loads of ingredients and spilled flour, cleaning it all away, before finding the ingredients I needed for the brown sticks and a mixing bowl.

It didn’t take long before the table once again was a mess, and so was I. To be honest, this was one of the things that was the messiest to make the dough for, but it tasted so good, so I didn’t really mind. Besides, Jams and I had been making it for years since we first learned the recipe for it. The only thing was that I was now sitting with my hands full of syrup, as well as some in my face. I was just about to get up from the kitchen chair that I’d been sitting in, when I heard a light chuckle beside me.

“Frank, what have you done to yourself?” Gerard’s voice asked, and my head snapped in his direction. I hadn’t noticed him coming down from his work gallery, so I was quite shocked when I saw him standing right next to me with a face-splitting grin. Paint tainted his face in some spots, as he clearly had gotten some on him, as well as his flannel shirt that he wore when he painted. He leaned down towards me, still grinning from ear to ear, and I could feel my heart starting to race.

“Uhm, eh…” Was my only response. I searched my head for the simple answer, but it seemed to have disappeared the same moment as he leaned down and the butterflies had started to dance salsa in my stomach. Gerard let out another light chuckle, and his breath fanned me slightly across my face.

“You gonna get that syrup off yourself Frankie, or should I help you?” Gerard smirked down at me, and I froze in my place. Him, help me? But, what? My thoughts twirled around in my head, leaving it a chaotic mess. I couldn’t figure out what he meant by helping me, and in some way I was sure I didn’t want to know what he meant. But a part of me was dying to see what he would do.

The answer came quickly enough, as he leaned down to my face, his breath now hot on my face. He snuck his tongue out, leaned more in and ran it slowly over my chin where some of the syrup had stuck, before he leaned back, still with a grin plastered on his face and his eyes sparkling playfully.

“Nah, I’ll let you clean off yourself.” He said simply, before he snatched up his cup of coffee that’d been standing on the counter and sauntered out.

As soon as he left the room, I let out a shaky breath, and my mind went into full chaos. Questions I really didn’t want to answer on started to form, but I tried to push them back, as I pushed the chair back and got up on my feet. I walked briskly over to the sink, lathered soap on my hands, turned on the tap and scrubbed them clean. Then I found a washcloth and got off the last of the syrup from my face. Then I walked over to the table and packed the dough safely away, before cleaning off the rest of the mess.

It wasn’t until later, much later, when I was resting in my bed, waiting for sleep to take over me that I thought through what had actually happened.

My thoughts was clouded with tiredness, but even then, I could say that I was shocked over what Gerard had done. He’d stepped nicely over the ‘friend’ distance we’d had forever, once and for all. He’d done this deliberately, knowing exactly what he did. This time he hadn’t been drunk, so he couldn’t use that as an excuse, and he knew that. In fact, it seemed like he’d done this to tease me, to tell me that he knew what I’d told Mikey.

To be honest, he’d gotten what he wanted. I couldn’t say I didn’t like it. I could still faintly feel his rue tongue run over my chin, the butterflies that had turned into dragons inside my stomach in that moment. I remembered how his hot breath had fanned across my face. There was no denying it anymore. I was attracted to Gerard, whether I wanted to or not.

\------

“Daddy, daddy, where’s the dough for the gingerbread?” I turned around to face Cherry, who was tugging in my shirt, and pointed towards the fridge.

“It’s there, Honey.” She instantly flew over, opened the door and looked in, finding the huge bowl with dough. She pulled it out and set it down on the counter in front of the rest of the kids, who were just coming into the kitchen and sitting on the stools I had brought in earlier. She clapped her hand excitedly while Bandit pulled back the covering and peered inside.

“It looks disgusting,” Bandit said, making an adorable face. “Kind of like poop.”

“Don’t say that about our food!” I exclaimed, playfully and swatted at her sloppy ponytail, making it fall out a tad bit more. Bandit giggled while Miles started cracking up and plugged his nose before taking a look at the dough himself.

“Daddy’s trying to make us eat poop!” Miles yelled and suddenly all the kids were laughing.

I just shook my head and pulled out cutting boards along with gingerbread shaped cookie cutters. I placed them in front of each of the kids one by one and as the items were placed in front of them they grew quiet, ready and waiting to begin. I quickly separated the dough as evenly as I could before giving each kid their own glob. One by one, starting with Lily, I flattened the dough with the rolling pin and then demonstrated on Cherry’s dough how to press down to get the perfect shape with the cutter. I pulled out the long pan and one by one the kids filled it up with little gingerbread men.

Once that was in the oven, I pulled out the dough for the Brown Sticks and was happy when no jokes were made. I separated the dough into twelve parts and gave each kid three to do on their own. At that point, I was pretty sure that Miles would have the most trouble, so I picked him up and sat on his stool, placing him in my lap. Together, Miles and I demonstrated the first Brown Stick.

“You just roll them up like little sausages.” I said as I was demonstrating with Miles, causing giggles to erupt around the room. I couldn’t help but laugh, too. It did sound a little funny. 

“Then,” I continued, “You press them out so they’re flat.”

I grabbed Miles’ hand and helped him press down on the rounded dough. His little nose scrunched up when he touched the dough and it got on his palm, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I watched as Lily, Cherry, and Bandit worked on theirs while Miles and I waited for them to get it.

“Like this, Daddy?” Lily asked.

“Exactly like that! Good job, Honey!”

Lily beamed up at me and started working on her other one. Cherry and Bandit finished not too long afterwards and didn’t hesitate to start the next. And before I even knew what was going on, Miles challenged everyone to a Brown Stick race. Soon, Miles and I were racing to catch up with the girls.

“I’m done!” Lily yelled loudly, finishing all three of hers first. Miles pouted, flattening out his last one while Bandit and Cherry yelled, “Done!” at the same time.

“Dang, little buddy, I guess we came in last.” Miles frowned and I winked at him, “You can be the first one to sprinkle it in sugar, though!”

I got up from the stool, lifting Miles with me and then placing him back down on his own. I grabbed the pearl sugar down from the cabinet and set it on the table, a white cloud puffing out through the top of the bag. I demonstrated what to do once again and flinched when Miles grabbed a giant handful, getting sugar all over the counters and himself. It wasn’t such a big deal until they were done sprinkling the sugar on top. I was switched the trays in the oven, taking out the gingerbread cookies and putting the Brown Sticks in.

“We only have to wait another ten minutes until the Brown Sticks are down,” I said as I turned around. I froze and my eyes widened as I saw Miles with a giant handful of the sugar, aiming towards Bandit. I quickly ran across the kitchen and held my fist over his.

“Aww, that’s no fun, Daddy!” Miles complained.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to clean it up.” I said, carefully guiding him to the empty dough bowl to dump the sugar inside. 

\-------

Later on that night after all the cookies were eaten and a few were saved for Gerard, Gerard came down from his office to take the kids to bed. They were a little grumbly and hyped up on sugar, so Gerard had to give a few piggyback rides and chase them around the house a bit before they were tired enough to settle down. Once they all disappeared from the kitchen, I looked around a bit and got to cleaning.

It wasn’t as much as I had thought, but there was still sugar in odd places and dough stuck to the counters. I prepared the hot, soapy water in the sink and let the sticky pans and utensils soak a bit before washing them. Some things just couldn’t be washed by a dishwasher.

When I was done, I groaned and sat down heavily on the couch. I felt tired even though I really hadn’t done much except cook. I closed my eyes and almost fell asleep until I heard Gerard come down the stairs.

He smiled at me before plopping down beside me, close enough to where our arms brushed together and our thighs were touching. He leaned over me and my heart stopped, but all he was doing was grabbing the remote. All I could think about was just how screwed I was.

Gerard flipped through the channels a bit before smiling and saying, “The kids really liked making the cookies and stuff with you today. It was hard trying to get them to sleep when all they wanted to do was tell me how they made the cookies. They said something about sausages and that’s when they lost me.”

“It was for the Brown Sticks that Jamia and I used to make every year.” I said quietly. Somehow this one thing seemed like a big deal to me, like it was one of the last things I had to hold on to from Jamia.

Gerard seemed to understand my sudden change of mood, saying, “I know you miss Jams, Frankie, but I think it’s wonderful that you chose to make it with them. The kids had so much fun with you today, and it’s not something I could have done with them. Thank you for that.”

“Thank you Gee. I think I want to do this with them again, since it was fun to see them all having fun with each other.” Gerard nodded at my statement. 

“Hmm, kind of like a new tradition then.” He quietly mumbled, just loud enough for me to hear, before he turned his attention back to the TV.

Yes, I thought, kind of like new a tradition, as we now were a family. Not the family I used to have, but a new one, full of life, laughter and love. A family I couldn’t live without.


	13. War Paint

Gerard’s POV:

I’ve had an idea for the past couple of days now, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up with Frank. We were now in the month of December and Frank was a little under the weather since he found out that winters in California were nothing like winters in Jersey. California very rarely got snow--at least where we were living--and the temperature barely dropped. We were still sitting on a comfortable 70 degrees (Fahrenheit) and the beaches were still warm. The only difference was that the nights got colder, but it was taken care of with a few extra blankets.

We were up bright and early on a Saturday morning before the kids were even up, which was odd for the both of us--or at least me. Usually I got up around noon on the weekends and everyone else was already up and dressed and getting on with their day. When I woke up, Frank was already sitting at the table with a newspaper in his hand, his phone was somewhere unknown since yesterday, but it’s not like he used it very often besides a few Twitter and Instagram updates. So, when I dropped into the kitchen, Frank just set the newspaper down and stared at me, "You’re up early."

"Mmph," I groaned,"S’early."

Frank laughed, "Yeah, that it is. There’s coffee on the counter over there and the kids will be up in about thirty more minutes. They think I don’t know that they’re already up and playing with toys and stuff, but I do."

I just smiled sleepily and made my way over to the coffeemaker. Frank picked up his newspaper and resumed whatever he was reading. Once I poured myself a cup, I sat down at the table across from Frank. He set the newspaper down and shot me an amused look. I chose to ignore it before he frowned slightly, "How good are we on money?"

I set down my mug and concluded that it was way too early to be talking about money, but I wasn’t complaining. I’d had enough saved up and from selling comic books and whatnot. Plus, I had money stashed away from when we were a band and that wasn’t even mentioning the few art pieces I sold every now and then. I shrugged, "I’ve got enough for us to sit on for a while, why?”

"I haven’t been doing much since, well, you know, and I think it would be productive for me to get a job or something. Even if we don’t need the money, I feel like it would keep me busy and give me something to do while the kids are at school." Frank played with his fingers as he talked, "Yesterday, I heard one of our songs on the radio and I realized that I haven't been playing guitar anymore. I haven't been doing much of anything really and I want to. I don't want to spend my life doing nothing productive. I want to play again; I want to get outside again."

I nodded and finished the last of my coffee, "Frank, Frankie, you're allowed to do whatever makes you happy. If you think that getting a job will benefit you, then do it. I'll stand behind you the whole way. Also, the guitar thing can be taken care of if you just call Mikey. He knows a ton of studios around here. Plus, he plays at his house all the time."

"Gerard, I honestly don’t think you know how awesome you are!" Frank got up from the table and hugged me. His shampoo wafted in my direction and it smelt amazing. I just smiled and we stayed in that position until a loud thud sounded from upstairs along with a ton of hushed giggles. Frank pulled back, his cheeks tinted red, and he rolled his eyes at me with a big smile on his face.

"So, when are you going to start looking for places and whatnot?"

Frank blushed an even darker red as he went to sit back down in his seat, "Well, I’ve been thinking about this for the past couple of days, really. I started calling around and I have an interview in a couple of hours, which is why I brought this up." Frank looked down at his hands, his unreadable.

I stood up the table, "That’s amazing, Frank! What are you doing down here then? Get your cute--get your ass upstairs and get ready! I’ve got something planned for the kids anyways."

Frank threw himself at me one last time. His smile was the brightest I had seen it in a while. I felt my heart stutter in my chest, flickering and fluttering before he let go and disappeared from the room. It was barely after that the kids all stomped downstairs together. Bandit already had her hair up in a sloppy ponytail. Nowadays, she wouldn’t let anyone touch her hair without throwing a fit and talking about needing to learn on her own. I respected her for it, but sometimes it looked really tangled and like it hurt to brush. Cherry and Lily always had the best bedhead I had ever seen. Their long hair was truly wild in the morning and it took those odd detangler sprays in order to do anything with it, but they didn’t complain too much unless it hurt. Miles, well, he had the best hair ever. He went to sleep with it flat and woke up with it flat. On the worst mornings, all he had to do was comb it with some water and then it dried without waving or curling.

They all scrambled up to the counters and I realized that I was going to have to make something for them. I started digging around in the freezer for something easy to make when Frank stuck his head around the corner, his hair combed neatly and presentable, "I made something earlier this morning. It’s in the microwave and there’s smoothies in the freezer."

I opened the microwave and smiled at the vast amounts of food on the plates. While I was busy pulling everything out, I heard the door close and then Bandit get off the stool to check, "Daddy, where’s Frank going?"

"He’s got an interview for a job, so after everyone is done eating, we’re going to go up into my office and paint." I said it so casually that the kids didn’t catch on at first. I waited and stared at them until Cherry’s eyes widened comically.

"We’re going to paint in your office?" Cherry yelled loudly.

Bandit’s eyes widened in surprise and happiness next and she was bouncing adorably in her seat, "I thought we weren’t allowed to go in there!"

"Well, for today, since Frank is going to be out, I decided that it would be okay. Plus, having an office that’s mostly white for painting isn’t even that fun. So, what do you all have to say?"

The kids started talking excitedly as I served their food. Miles was beaming incredibly largely and all I saw for a second was his resemblance to Frank in that smile. I ruffled his hair lightly and he hugged me. I felt my heart melt in my chest as he did so. I smiled back at him and kissed his forehead like I would to Bandit.

Once they were all situated, I climbed up the steps into my office and looked around. There wasn't much to cover besides my desk, the chair that went with it, and the work that was on my desk. I ended up rolling the chair into my bedroom down the hall and then shoving my work into a filing cabinet that I rarely used anymore. I moved the desk into the corner of the room by the window that looked down onto the backyard and then wrapped it in an old white sheet that I found in the linen closet.

Afterwards, I grabbed the long black material I usually used when painting and spread it to cover the entire floor. I used the special paint tape to keep it in place before deciding that the kids would move around a lot more than I did and stapled the material securely to the wall. After that was finished, I tacked white giant amounts of paper on the walls and then stepped back to admire my work. It didn't look too bad, if I did say so myself.

I poked my head downstairs and could still hear the clanking of dishes along with their muted conversations. I shrugged to myself before going into the storage closet and pulling out bucket after bucket of paint but leaving the brushes safely tucked away in their packaging. Finger painting alway seemed to be the most fun kids could imagine and I was pretty sure I had every color except gray because I had run out of it last week. It was on the grocery list even though Frank hated when I put non-food related things on the grocery list. He'd get used to it sooner or later though.

Finally, I changed from my pajamas and slipped on all white clothing. I never understood why painters chose to wear white clothing when they painted, but I had to admit that it looked pretty cool all stained up and colored, and it was because of this conclusion that I went into each of the kid's rooms and picked out every white article of clothing they owned and laid it out on their beds for them. I couldn't decide whether or not Frank would be amused by this.

When I stepped back out into the hallway, I could hear the sink water running and I rushed downstairs to make sure they weren't flooding the house or anything. It turns out that my rushing was for no reason though. What I saw was beyond adorable. Bandit was standing on the bathroom stool Miles used in order to reach the sink to brush his teeth and was taking the kid's dishes when they were finished and rising them off. Once they were thoroughly rinsed off, Bandit would pass the wet dish to Lily and Lily would stick it in the dishwasher. Cherry was standing next to Miles and they were both holding the soap for the dishwasher and reading the back of the box for the amount of soap that was needed. Miles was holding the measuring cup while Cherry pointed at something she read. When Bandit finished rinsing, she stepped down from the stool and started helping Cherry to match the directions on the box with the measurement on the measuring cup. I watched as Lily helped Miles hold the cup steadily as Cherry poured the powdery soap inside. Bandit was bending over and told Cherry when to stop. Miles then carried the measuring cup over to the dishwasher where Lily opened the slot and Miles dumped it inside.

It made my heart burst with happiness as they tried to remember what buttons to press and what dials to turn. I wished I had a camera just to keep this moment in time captured forever, but I was afraid that if I moved I'd miss it all. They started bickering slightly over it until I stepped in, scaring them all, and turned the right dials and pressed the right buttons. They were all watching calmly as they did so, their faces beaming as they saw me smiling rather than getting angry at what they had done. Sure, I knew it wasn't safe to let your kids mess with the dishwasher, but come on! How many parents in the world got to see all of their kids working together and doing chores on their own without even being asked? My guess was that there wasn't very many.

Once the dishwasher was running I turned to them, "That was pretty impressive. I'm really proud of all of you, but I have to say that it's pretty dangerous. Next time tell me when you want to load the dishwasher and I'll stand back and watch."

Lily shrugged, "It was Bandit's idea. We all just wanted to help."

"Yeah," Cherry added, "It was supposed to be a surprise for you because you and daddy always have to do the dishes and stuff."

"Gerard," Miles said as he tugged on my pants.

"Yeah, little man?"

"Did you see me put the soap in the dishwasher? Bandit said that I had to be very careful not to drop it and Cherry said I would drop it, but I didn't! See, Gerard! I didn't!"

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face even if I tried, "Heck yeah I saw that! I was pretty impressed, too! That stuff is tough to carry and strong boys like you sometimes have trouble with that!"

"Not me, Gerard! I carried it!"

Bandit smiled at Miles, "I told you that you could do it, too!"

I was about to say something else but Lily beat me to it, "Hey Gerard?"

"Yeah, Lily?"

"When can we paint?"

I pretended to think about it for a long while and tapped my chin. I even started pretending to rub my fake goatee when Miles started cackling like a hyena and Bandit rolled her eyes and whined loudly, "Dad, when are we going to paint?"

"Hmm," I replied slowly, "How about now?"

Cherry and Lily screamed loudly and started rushing up the stairs to see my office. Bandit and Miles weren't too far after and I yelled after them, "Go change into the clothes I put on your beds first!"

***

After everyone was changed into their white attire, we crowded into my office and I let the kids look around for a while. They stood in awe at the room, chatting happily amongst themselves, blown away. They talked about what they wanted to paint and what colors they wanted. I stood near the back and started pulling the lids off the paint cans. I stacked the discarded lids on the sheet covered desk and then clapped my hands together. They turned around simultaneously, bright-eyed and curious.

"Well," I said, placing my hand on my hip, "who's ready to paint?"

After that, they all rushed towards the paint, dipping their fingers in the dense liquid before choosing their own spots on the wall and getting to it. It was already too early to tell what they were painting but I wasn't worried.

I disappeared from the room just to grab the stereo and hooking it to a plug that was down the hall. I connected the cord to an extension and propped it up near the door to my office. I figured a little music wouldn't hurt. I turned on the latest CD and smiled as Bouncing Souls, one of Frank's favorites, started blaring through the speakers.

When I stepped back into the room, I saw Bandit and Cherry already dancing together, clasping their paint covered hands together. Black and pink looked great together and I laughed as their white clothes inch by inch started disappearing into something more, something better. It wasn't long after that Miles started dancing, taking Lily with him. They were giggling even as Miles accidentally touched his own face and got a green and blue handprint colored on it. Before I knew it, we were taking turns dancing and painting.

During the few times I looked around, spinning Lily, Cherry, Miles, and occasionally Bandit, I could see the walls filling up. There were boats, pirates, princesses in tall towers, hearts, houses, sunsets, dogs, barns, Harry Potter and his friends, and other characters that were from cartoons. It wasn't until I was spinning Cherry around, getting dizzier and dizzier until we were almost tipping over, that I noticed what Lily and Bandit were painting together. There were six stick figures together standing outside of the house. Cherry and I twirled around again, slowing down as Miles called her over to help him work on an airplane in the clouds. When Cherry and I broke apart, I stood still for a long time trying to get the world to stop spinning long enough to see what Bandit and Lily were working on. I leaned heavily on the sheet covered desk and what I saw was confusing and yet tear inducing.

There were six stick figures standing together. Two of them were men, three of them were girls, and one of them was a little boy, clearly younger than the rest. The four children were colored in various colors and as I got closer, I realized that you could tell the difference between each child because each child was painted according to their favorite color. Bandit was in a dark red color that was almost maroon. She was standing next to Cherry who was a bright and vivid pink. Cherry was standing next to Lily who was painted a lime green color. Lily was holding hands with Miles who was a sky blue color that matched the block airplane in the sky. As my eyes moved over the picture, I looked over at the two male adults. The first male adult was clearly Frank with his short brown hair spiked up on his head. I smiled when I followed down his arm and saw that his hand was linked with the stick figure that was clearly me. This figure had dark black hair that almost looked feminine in the picture, but was just shy of being girly. We were both smiling in the picture and I was mesmerized by it until Bandit stood in front of the picture, her hands freshly dipped in the red paint. I was confused as she painted with her back facing towards me, but when she pulled away I saw a bright red heart painted above mine and Frank's heads. I opened my mouth to question it, but just then Frank entered the room, distracting everyone and everything.

I heard the kids cheering loudly and then they tackled Frank onto the ground. He was laughing loudly as they continued to get their paint splattered hands all over his white t-shirt and his expensive dress pants. He didn't seem to mind, though. Actually, he started tickling them until they all got off him. He caught my eye for a second and smiled just barely before grabbing a whole paint can and calmly walking up to me. I raised my eyebrow in question just as Frank beamed brightly.

"Close your mouth and hold your breath."

I was confused for a second until Frank brought the paint can back and then swung it forward, dumping its contents out all over me. I stood there for a while afterwards, drenched in the paint before laughing and grabbing my own paint can. The war was on.

It wasn't until much later that I realized this, but it had been the same red Bandit had used to draw the heart over mine and Frank's heads.

***

Hours later, every single bit of us was drenched in so many colors of paint that there wasn't a way to tell the colors apart. The paintings on the wall had been drenched with the paint splattering and there were body imprints on the walls from when someone leaned against or cowered against it. We had been laughing so hard that our tears were mixed in with the paint.

When I finally got a mirror, I had bits of every color clumped in my hair. There wasn't any skin available that I could see and my clothes were stuck and clinging to my body. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed this hard and it was a big relief to just get it all out. It made me even happier as I set my clothes out on the floor to dry. I had told everyone to just let their clothes dry out and Frank had even agreed that he'd save his clothes but needed a new suit.

When I stepped into the shower, I watched the colors bleed off my body and out of my hair. I was almost sad to see it go after such an amazing day, but it was a memory that I'd carry to my grave. After Frank had drenched me in the red, I had grabbed the closest can of yellow and rubbed it all in his hair. Then, Miles, avenging his dad, dumped green on Bandit. Bandit stood there in shock for a long time afterwards until Lily casually walked by, dumping a whole other can on her. After that, no one was safe. I had gotten plastered by each of the kids and Frank alike. At one point, we had all even teamed up on Frank, but then he won them over and they got me good. I smiled as I watched the last of the red dripping down and escaped through the drain.

***

It was almost midnight before the kids starting nodding off on their own. Frank and I figured since it was Saturday the kids were free to stay up as long as they wanted to as long as they weren’t grumpy the next morning. Frank and I bet that Miles would be the first to sleep, but he surprised us both by staying up long after the girls had gone to bed. He had been sitting comfortably between us, resting his head on my arm and watching the late night cartoons that I usually sat around and watched on nights I wasn’t painting. Frank was yawning hugely and his eyes watered up each time. I wasn’t much better, but I wanted to make sure that Miles didn’t sleep on the couch because the noise of our morning shuffling would wake him up before he was ready.

Finally, around twelve-thirty Miles got up from the couch, his hair flattened from leaning on my arm, and rubbed his eyes, “I’m going to go sleep now. Goodnight, Daddy. Goodnight, Gerard.”

Frank started shifting to get up from the couch while I called out my goodnight to Miles, but surprised us both again, “Hey, Daddy?”

“Yeah?” Frank asked as he stretched.

“Can Gerard take me to bed and tuck me in tonight?”

Frank paused and we met each other’s eyes in shock, “Yeah, sure, Little Man. You all right?”

“You won’t be upset, Daddy?”

“Nah, why would I be upset? You go get some sleep. I hear Gerard has one of the best bearhugs around.” Frank replied, still sounding a bit shocked, but smiling nonetheless.

Miles beamed at me and I couldn’t help but return the smile. I followed him up the staircase and when I looked back at Frank he mouthed ‘what just happened?’ at me. I could only shrug.

When we reached Miles’ room, he crawled into bed and I started tucking him in as I would to Bandit. He kept smiling at me, opening his mouth to say something, and then closing it again. Finally, I just sat at the end of his bed, “What’s up, Miles?”

The little boy shrugged, “I was going to ask you something, but now I don’t want to.”

I frowned, “Are you sure you don’t want to still ask me? I promise I won’t be mad or anything.”

Miles just smiled and shook his head. I stood up from the foot of the bed and wrapped him in a giant hug. He giggled, “Daddy was right!” I winked at him before kissing the top of his head. I was almost out the door again when I heard Miles’ voice again, “Gerard?”

“Yeah, Miles?”

“Can you tell dad that I love him?”

I felt my heart explode in my chest, “Of course, Little Man.”

When I returned back downstairs, Frank was sitting on the bottom of the steps. I dropped down next to him and he bumped me with his shoulder gently. I bumped him back and he smiled at me, “What was that all about?”

I shrugged, “I honestly have no idea. He said he had wanted to ask me something, but he didn’t. Maybe he’ll tell one of us later?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Frank sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, “Today was a really long day.”

I placed my arm on his shoulders and he leaned heavily against my side, “How’d your interview go?”

Frank groaned, hiding his face on my chest. His ear was close to my heart. I wondered briefly if he could tell that it was beating a little faster than normal. Instead of asking though, I get tightened my grip on him until the tension drained out of his shoulders, “Horribly, it went horribly.”

I started tracing patterns on his shoulder blade and waited for him to continue, “They said a bunch of shit about a reputation and me needing more job experience. Being in a band, I guess, wasn’t enough. I mean, I’ve had experience before, but not in a long time. Anyways,” I kissed the top of his head as a comfort gesture and ignored the way my heart sped up a tad bit more, “I was really pissed off afterwards. I didn’t want to come home all pissed off and ready to burst, so I got my ass over to Mikey’s because I remembered what you had said about him playing at his house. When I got there, he didn’t even act surprised to see me there. He just ushered me inside and we played for a long time. I told him about today’s job disappointment and he was very calm about it, very contemplative.”

Frank lifted his head up, almost hitting the back of his head on my nose. I could tell that he was smiling before he even looked up, but the curve of his lips only confirmed it, “Mikey offered me a job at the studio he works at. I work Monday through Friday and can set my own hours as long as I actually get my work done.”

I felt myself giving off the same smile that Frank was giving me. It was almost like we were two mirrors facing each other, reflecting off what the other saw, “That’s fucking amazing, Frank!”

He laughed and then yawned again, making me yawn afterwards, “Yeah, I think so, too.”

“You nervous?”

“Nah, just tired.”

I laughed and lifted the two of us off the stairs. I flipped the final light switch off and then we made our way up the stairs side by side. When I reached my door, Frank was almost gone in his. I called out to him, “Frank?”

He opened the door wider, sticking his head out, “Yeah?”

I had what I was going to say in my head but all that came out was, “Miles said that he loves you.”

Frank just grinned before nodding and closing the door.


	14. This Gift of Mine

Frank’s P.O.V:

As time went on, everything went into a form of normal and routines. Routines, that if you’d scrutinize them, you’d see nothing out of the normal. And it was because nothing was out of the normal, Gerard and I sometimes worked as an old couple, except for the fact that we weren’t. I would be the one who woke up early in the morning, preparing breakfast for the kids and Gerard, as well as coffee for us both. When the breakfast was done and served, the kids would normally stumble down the stairs with tired eyes and smiles across their faces with Gee stumbling behind them, even more tired. The kids would instantly go to the table, sit down and eat their breakfast in peace, not saying much. Gerard on the other hand would pad over to the counter where his coffee was in his usual cup. Once everyone was in their places and I was assured that Gerard really was awake, I would go and check that everyone’s school bags were in order with lunch boxes and school books. When it was all checked, I would grab my thermo cup filled with coffee, say ‘goodbye’ to them all and head out the door for work. The day at work would be nice enough, since I got to work together with new bands while they were recording their albums. I would give them advice when needed or asked for it, and in the meanwhile, Gerard would drive the kids to school, go home and work on whatever art project he had going on. Then he would go to the store, pick up the groceries I had requested for dinner, go pick the kids up from school, and then go home. Normally, I would be home at this point, waiting for them to rush through the door with excited voices, telling me about their days. Gerard would come trailing in behind them with shopping bags in his hands, dropping them down on the counter for me. Then, he would sit down with the kids to help them with homework while I made dinner. Our nights would then be spent in peace while the kids would play with each other, or their friends, depending if they had come over. It was usually spent on the couch with some TV show on, barely paying attention and easily accessible for the kids if something happened. Then, when bedtime came around for the kids, we would go up, tuck them all in, sing or read a story, whatever they asked for really, and then go back down. The next hours would be spent watching horror movies, usually at least, since we couldn’t do that when the kids were up.

Yes, we were like an old married couple, but we liked it like that. It gave us stability.

***

I stumbled down the stairs groggily, my eyes barely open to see if I missed steps on not, and padded slowly into the hallway to pick up the morning paper on the ground outside of the door. Once in hand and scrutinized for some interesting news, I got out into the kitchen, putting the paper down on the counter where Gerard would see it later.

Five minutes later, and the usually clean and neat counters had all the ingredients for pancakes lined up on them, me running over them, taking what I needed and putting them up in a huge bowl. Once mixed perfectly due to Gee’s recipe, I took foil, covered it, and stuffed it into the fridge. It would be for dinner tonight. Moving on, I started finding eggs, tomatoes and chives, mixing it all up in a bowl before pouring it into the frying pan.

Shortly after, the scrambled eggs with tomatoes were done and neatly placed on plates with slices of bread and placed on the table. Just as I sat down on one of the chairs by the counter, I heard soft thudding noises. Surely enough, as I looked up, four very tired heads were looking at me with droopy eyes and full on bed hair.

“Good morning,” I said, “Breakfast is on the table.”

All four of the kids padded over to their respective places, sitting down, picking up their utensils, and starting to shovel food into their mouths with as much enthusiasm you’d think tired kids could muster up on an early morning. I took a sip of my fresh coffee, and looked back to the stairs where Gerard was now coming down, looking more ruffled and tired than ever. With a nod he made his way to the counter beside me and grabbed his cup of coffee.

“Good morning, Frankie.”

I smiled at him, before addressing the kids. “Bandit, Cherry, and Lily, remember that you are going with Roz and her parents for Christmas shopping today, so you don’t need to wait for Gerard to pick you up. Money is in the inner pocket of your bags.” All of the girls turned to each other with excited smiles. “Remember to have fun.”

“Miles, you and Oktober are coming with Gerard and me. Gerard will pick you up at school and I will meet you at the mall, okay?”

“Okay, daddy.”

***

When I finally pulled up on the parking lot in front of the mall, it was getting late. I hadn’t been able to leave from work when I had wanted to since the band that I was currently helping had some troubles with one of the songs. Therefore, I was now very late. I jumped out of the car and scurried into the mall, trying to find the restaurant that Gerard told me they were in. Once it was found, I quickly looked over the mass of people that were there, looking for Gee. Once I had spotted his black messy hair, I walked over to them and sat down beside him.

“Dad, you came!”

“Of course I came, little man.” I said, before I looked at Gerard and asked him if they had ordered yet.

“Nope, we were waiting for your slow ass.”

“Daddy, you can’t say stuff like that when Oktober is around.” Miles corrected Gerard while holding his hands over Oktober’s ears. The sight made me laugh, but I was rather unsure if it was because I found the episode cute or funny. Funny for the fact that Miles actually corrected Gerard for using foul language, even though he was used to it, or cute from the fact that he was trying to protect Oktober from hearing it and that he went to the extent of covering her ears with his hands. But, no matter of any of these cases, my heart was swelling with proudness over the fact that he had called Gerard ‘daddy’.

“Okay Miles, I’ll try to behave.” Gee smiles back and Miles removed his hands from Oktober’s ears.

“Okay, now that we’ve agreed to not use foul language, it’s time to order. What do you want Gerard?”

“The same as always Frankie.” Gerard said it as if was the most obvious thing in the world, and I couldn’t blame him; he always ordered the same thing every time we were out eating.

“Miles, what do you want?”

“Can I have a veggie burger, dad?”

“Sure you can, little man.” Once again my heart swelled with pride. Somehow, Miles had caught on to the fact that I didn’t eat meat and now he didn’t want to eat meat either. Like father, like son, I thought while looking over at Oktober to ask her what she wanted to eat.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Iero, but my parents didn’t send me with any money for food, so I cannot have any.” She looked away with embarrassment shining through her normally shy eyes, and lowered her head. As she said this, Gerard’s head snapped over to look at her, shock clearly evident on his features, before he looked over at me at a loss on what to say or do. At that moment, I’m pretty sure I knew what was running through his mind, because the same thing was running through mine.

Did she really think that she had to pay for the food? Or worse, that we would leave her to watch us eat? Well, the expression on her face made it obvious that she did, but she was so wrong about that.

“Oktober, just say what you would like to eat, and we’ll take care of it.” I said in a gentle voice and she lifted her head and looked at me with a face filled with hope.

“Do you mean that, Mr. Iero?” She asked in a small voice.

“Of course he does, Oktober.” Miles answered for me, a broad smile spreading across his face. “Just pick something, anything!”

***

After food had been ordered, consumed, and paid for, we had left the restaurant with smiles on our faces. Next stop had been the toy store because Miles had stopped dead in his tracks when he saw it. It was easily one of the largest stores in the mall, and I could honestly see why. There were toys littering the ground and the place was filled with children and flustered parents, screaming and yelling, even crying could be heard coming from the doors. I was tempted to tell Miles that we should come back later, but after one look at the way Miles and Oktober were staring the place down, I changed my mind and looked at Gerard carefully, “We stick together no matter what. At least one adult with one kid.”

Gerard rolled his eyes as me and waved absentmindedly in my direction, staring into the toy store as if he too were a child, “Yeah, yeah, Frank. Trust me when I say I know this. I’m a dad too, you know.”

I nodded and bit my lip uneasily as I gazed inside. I watched a mother as she practically had to drag her screaming and crying child out of the store. Gerard just smiled and started heading towards the store, Oktober and Miles following closely behind him. I hurriedly caught up before I lost them in the crowd and smiled when Miles gently slipped his hand into mine. I caught his eyes jokingly, “You better not act like that when it’s time to leave.”

Miles frowned at me before ramming his shoulder into my side, “Dad, I don’t do that!”

Frank laughed, “Yeah, I know, buddy. I know.”

***

Miles and I teamed up throughout the store. I let him pick out whatever gifts he wanted to get for his sisters. We were about to pay for out gifts when Miles tugged on my jacket, blushing. I smiled and crouched down to be level with him, “What’s up, little man?”

Gerard and Oktober were standing a little way away at the next register, giggling adorably and whispering to each other and laughing some more. I smiled at Gerard when we caught eyes. Gerard winked at me and I just shook my head before focusing on Miles again. Miles’ face was even redder than before as he leaned in close to my ear, “Dad, I didn’t get a gift for Oktober.”

“Do you want to go look again? I can give the bags to Gerard and have them wait outside for us.” I suggested, but Miles just shook his head.

“No thank you, Dad. I, um,” His face was practically a firetruck as he whispered, “I want to get her a necklace.”

I nodded, trying to keep back the smile as I leaned in toward him to whisper back in his ear, “Do you know what necklace you want to get her? I’m pretty sure there are necklaces here in the back along with the princess dress up packages.”

Miles shook his head and pulled away, “I want it to be a real princess necklace! I asked Oktober if she had one and she said no. If she has one, then I can be her prince! I can save her from the dragons and the towers like she said happened in princess movies!”

I stood up and nodded my head. Miles’ blush disappeared completely and his eyes lit up. He wrapped his arms around my legs and hugged me tightly, “Thank you, Daddy! You’re the best! Oktober will love it so much!”

I patted his shoulder and sent him off to go hang out with Gerard and Oktober while I paid for the abundance of gifts Miles has thought to buy. It only reminded me that I’d have to come here alone to get my gifts for everyone. Also, it brought to mind that I had no idea what to Gerard for Christmas. I sighed to myself as I handed my card over to the girl at the register. She wished me a merry Christmas which I reciprocated before going to wait on Gerard to pay for his half.

***

Later on, Gerard and I were walking tiredly behind Miles and Oktober as they walked hand-in-hand throughout the mall. Gerard nudged my shoulder every time Miles blushed or their shoulders brushed together causing both kids to blush. Gerard smiled at me, “They’re so cute together. How long do you think until he asks her to marry him?”

I laughed, “I remember when I was a kid about his age and I asked two girls to marry me at once. They weren’t too happy with it, but we liked to play house.”

Gerard nodded and giggled, “I changed wives a lot until my mother told me that I was supposed to wait until I loved them before asking them to marry me. I waited for a long time afterwards.”

We caught eyes and I bumped my shoulder with his, “Miles wants to get Oktober a necklace.”

Gerard cooed and then put his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into his embrace a bit and when I turned to look back at Miles and Oktober, they were still holding hands, but they were looking at Gerard and me, giggling. I raised an eyebrow and they both turned around, still giggling. I rolled my eyes but stopped when Gerard carefully slid his arm off my shoulder and put his hand in mine. I felt myself heat up, but I squeezed his hand tightly. It made me soar when he squeezed back.

We passed by a jewelry store and that’s when Miles finally let go of Oktober’s hand. Oktober looked at Miles questioning and he just shrugged, looking at me for help. I let go of Gerard’s hand as well, “Hey, Gerard, I was wondering if you wanted to take Oktober towards Build-A-Bear. I want her to go home with a new bear designed just for her.”

I watched as Oktober’s eyes lit up impossibly big, but then shrank back down again, “Um, Mr. Iero, you don’t have to. I mean, Mr. Way already helped me buy stuff today and I don’t need more.”

I smiled at her gently, “Call me Frank, honey, and it’s okay. I promise.”

Gerard held out his hand for her to take and she hesitantly took it, “Thank you, Frank.”

“No problem, honey.” I replied happily before leaning towards Gerard, “I’ll pay you back later.”

Gerard waved me off, “Nah, you’re good. Oktober’s just a sweetheart.”

I nodded and Miles took my hand. We watched the two of them disappear down the long hall before Miles took hold of my hand and practically dragged me inside the jewelers, “Thank you for being nice to Oktober, Dad. She’s my best friend in the whole world and I want her to get the best necklace they have.”

We were greeted by a short, black-haired woman with a nice smile and even nicer clothes. She held out her hand for me to shake, “Hello, I’m Kate and I’m going to be your jeweler for today. We have a great Christmas special this time of year. Everything is 15% off on this counter.” She pointed to a counter full on Christmas themed necklaces. Miles moved towards the glass before frowning and tugging on my pant leg.

I leaned down, “Yeah, buddy?”

He whispered shyly in my ear again, “I don’t want any of these ones.”

I nodded and stood up, facing Kate, “Do you have anything that isn’t Christmas themed?”

Kate nodded, a warm smile on her face as she watched Miles blush, “Yes, over there, but they aren’t in season like these over here, Sir.”

“That’s fine by me if that’s fine by Miles here.”

Miles nodded his head before leading us towards the section he wanted to view. Kate hung in the background while Miles viewed each necklace available with a sharp eye. He didn’t seem at all impressed until he came across a simple gold locket shaped like an open heart. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ripped piece of paper before turning back to me and pointing at the paper once and then the necklace, “I want this one.”

I grabbed the ripped paper from him and looked between the two to see if they were the same. I felt impressed when they were. Pointing to the paper, I asked, “Hey Miles, buddy, where’d you get this?”

Miles looked down at his shoes, “When daddy Gerard was sitting at the table, I saw it and he wasn’t looking at it, so I ripped it.” He looked up frowning, “Are you mad?”

I knelt down next to him and kissed the top of his head, “I could never be mad about that. Good job, little man. You did great.”

Miles beamed up at me and I turned to Kate, “We’ll take this one.”

***

Miles and I put the jewelry bag inside of another so it wouldn’t get lost or seen by Oktober. We met up with the remaining two people of our party and watched Oktober pick out clothes for her new bear. Miles carried the box with the bear inside of it for Oktober and told her that they could now have a baby girl when they played house together. Then, they tried to figure out a name for the girl and said it was a secret when they went to go put it on the birth certificate that Build-A-Bear let each child have with their bear.

Gerard and I led them out of the mall pretty wiped out after such extensive shopping. Once we were outside, Gerard leaned in close to me and whispered in my ear, “They named her Cubsie.”

I looked over at Oktober and Miles as they took turns holding the bear and pretending to feed it as we walked out of the mall and had to refrain from sounding like an overly proud mother as I awed over them.

Once we reached the parking lot, Gerard helped Miles and Oktober get into his car, “I’ll drop Oktober off at her house. Miles and I will see you at the house.” I nodded and said goodbye to Oktober before watching Gerard get into car and drive off.

Finding my car was pretty difficult since I had forgotten earlier to check which row I had parked at, but eventually I found it and started heading towards Roz’s house to pick up Cherry and Lily. There was no doubt that they were going to be excited over the things they had gotten today. I called Roz’s mom when I was about ten minutes away to let the girls know to get ready to leave.

When I pulled up in front of Roz’s house, Cherry, Lily, and Roz were sitting on the front door step while Roz’s mom was sitting inside the house with the front door open so she could see out. When Cherry and Lily saw me, they jumped up from their spot on the step and ran towards me. I kneeled down at let them come at me with all they had. I ended up lying on my back with two girls squirming over me, but that was okay. Eventually, we managed to get all the bags the girls had gotten into the trunk and I wasn’t even allowed to look inside of any of them. On the way out, I said a quick thank you to Roz’s mom and offered to take Roz tomorrow if she needed to go shopping on her own. Roz’s mom waved goodbye as we left before taking Roz inside the house.

The drive back was full of laughter and talking about today’s adventures. We all kept quiet about what we individually got, but that was okay. We’d figure out soon enough of Christmas. When we got back to the house, I helped Cherry and Lily get their bags inside. Gerard’s eyes widened at how much they’d managed to get and I just shook my head, laughing.

A little while later, Gerard pulled me aside, “Hey, when are me and you going to get our shopping done?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I honestly have no idea. I invited Roz over tomorrow so her mom could get a few things done. You could take that time and go shopping on your own.”

Gerard looked relieved, “I’ll watch the kids the day after if you want so you can go.”

 

I nodded, “Yeah, that’d be pretty great actually.”


	15. Princes and Princesses

Miles ran around the house quickly and excitedly, peaking in each door to find his father. He rounded the corner at the very bottom of the stairs and ran straight into Gerard who was balancing on his arms and carrying in his hands several giant cans of paint. Miles barely missed slamming his nose into Gerard’s crotch by sliding on the ground and catching himself on the wall and Gerard’s legs a bit clumsily. The paint cans wobbled dangerously and Miles ducked his head down farther and covered his face while Gerard fumbled around and tried to find equilibrium once more.

Once everything was back in balance and no longer in danger of crushing Miles, Gerard looked down at him smiling carefully, “Whoa! Hey, Miles, what’s the rush?”

“I’m sorry, Daddy Gee. I really am, but I’m trying to find my dad. Have you seen him?”

Gerard cocked his head to the side thoughtfully, “The last I checked, he was in the kitchen making something for dinner. If he’s not in there, check his room.” Miles nodded and was about to take off again when Gerard spoke again, “When you see him tell him that I need to talk to him, oh, and don’t run this time, okay? I don’t want any accidents because I’d get paint all over the place and Frank would hate to clean it up.”

Gerard started laughing at the joke he made that Miles didn’t understand but then Bandit walked around the corner and rolled her eyes at her father, “I’m going to tell Frank you said that.”

Gerard stopped laughing and his eyes widened, “Please don’t. It was just a joke, sweetie.”

Miles slowly backed out of the hallway, Bandit’s voice trailing after him, “If anything, you’d be the one cleaning it up and Frank would stand there watching you with his arms crossed over this chest.”

Miles continued his search through the house and frowned when he got into the kitchen only to find it empty with a nice smell coming from the oven. The second door to the kitchen was open and Miles followed it back to the staircase where Gerard and Bandit were still playfully arguing with each other, “-last Wednesday!”

Gerard retorted loudly, “Yeah and if I hadn’t, Frank would’ve tackled me onto the ground or something.”

Miles was almost around the corner when he heard Bandit’s loud response, “I honestly don’t think you would’ve minded it that much.”

“Bandit!” Gerard exclaimed in surprise.

Suddenly, Miles heard a large crash that sounded like paint cans falling. It was confirmed when he heard Bandit laughing loudly like a hyena then Gerard’s familiar cursing mixed in with mumbling about a great product he saw at Home Depot a week ago that could remove the different colored paint from the white walls, and then Frank’s reaction when he sees the mess he made. Miles was about to go back and help with the paint when Cherry rounded the corner and looked at Miles wide eyed, “What was that noise?”

“Gerard dropped the paint cans onto the floor because Bandit said something about him and dad. Anyways, have you by any chance seen dad?”

Cherry looked up thoughtfully, “Uh, I think he’s in his room. I’m not sure though.”

Miles nodded, “Thanks!” before heading up the stairs quickly towards his father’s room.

When he reached his father’s room, he raised his hand to knock, trying not to think about the time last week when he forgot to knock and walked in only to catch his dad changing his clothes. It definitely hadn’t been the highlight of Miles’ week and he wasn’t looking for a repeat. He knocked carefully and sighed when there wasn’t an answer. He opened the door slowly to make sure and poked his head inside. The room was empty even if a little messy. Miles closed the door and came face to face with Lily when he turned around.

“What are you doing?” she asked curiously.

“I’m looking for dad. Have you seen him?”

Lily shook her head before turning back and asking for Cherry or Bandit. Miles pointed downstairs and together they walked back down. There was still paint covering the floor when they reached the bottom step and Gerard was kneeling over the mess, muttering to himself about being nervous, not true statements catching him off guard, and the colors being a true form of expression or symbolism or something. Miles headed for the kitchen once more, taking the long way to make sure his father wasn’t resting on the sofa or watching TV now, and was surprised to actually find his dad in the kitchen this time.

“Finally!” Miles muttered before Frank turned around and smiled at him.

“Hey, there you are! I heard from Cherry that you were looking for me. What’s up, bud?”

“I was wondering if Oktober could come over tomorrow since it’s the last day before Christmas break.” Miles lowered his voice, “I really want to give her the necklace before she gets her other presents.”

“Yeah, that’s fine!” Frank said, beaming at his child, “Just make sure you call and ask her parents tonight. I’ll be the one to pick you up tomorrow, too.”

Miles smiled back, embarrassed, “Um, I actually asked her mom today after school. Oktober and I walked down the end of the street together because I didn’t see Gerard there and you were late.”

“Okay, fair enough. Just make sure you wait for me next time, okay?”

“Yeah, okay, I will, Dad.” Miles replied, grinning from ear to ear.

***

It was the last day of school before Christmas break and Miles was ecstatic. Not only was it because Christmas was in a week, though that played a major role, but also because this would be the first Christmas Miles would give a gift to someone outside of the family, something that wasn’t art, a craft he’d made at school, or something he’d only thought of hours ago. It was something that he’d taken the time to come up with and, with the help of his father, been able to get for Oktober.

The usually long school day went by in a blur due to the fact that they had a miniature Christmas party in the classroom and Miles got to spend the whole day with Oktober without learning and they were rewarded with an extended recess. He and Oktober both bundled up in their thin sweaters since California hadn’t reached cold temperatures like it did in Jersey, and they played Castle together on the smallest playset that not a lot of other kids played on because the bigger one had monkey bars for the other kids to hang upside down on. Princess Oktober stood on the highest point of the set near the slide and called for Prince Miles as he battled away the dragon that guarded her tower.

When he finally won against the giant, firebreathing dragon they both imagined up one afternoon--and Miles got Gerard to draw one night when he was supposed to be asleep--Miles climbed to the top of jungle gym and decided he liked the way Princess Oktober squealed in delight and hugged him tightly as if he’d really been battling a real firebreathing dragon for her. When they finally pulled apart, Oktober’s face was tinted red and Miles was trying to chase away his own miniature dragons that were swooping and playing around inside his stomach.

Between the two of them, they both had watched many princess movies and they knew that after the prince saves the princess they were supposed to kiss, but they both agreed that kissing was disgusting and it was only okay for parents to do, so they usually just hugged each other a lot or held hands. Then, out of nowhere, Miles remembered a movie he watched a few weeks ago with Bandit and decided that it was perfect.

Miles dropped down carefully on one knee while Oktober eyed him curiously. He lightly grabbed her hand from where it had fallen limply at her side and he held her small palm in his. Oktober’s eyes widened adorably as Miles slowly brought their connected hands together, keeping his eyes on hers, and kissed the back of her hand. Oktober giggled childishly before pulling him up close to her face, her eyes filled with adoration for the boy, “You’re like a real prince, Miles, and you make my tummy feel weird, but I like it.”

Miles intertwined their hands together like he saw Daddy Gerard and Daddy Frank do at the mall, “You make my tummy feel weird, too, but it doesn’t hurt.”

Before more was said, the teacher blew her whistle to signal the end of recess and Miles held Oktober’s hand all the way back to the classroom.

***

Later on that night, they were all sitting around the kitchen table eating dinner and Frank kept smiling at how close Miles and Oktober sat together. He’d caught them a few times holding hands and whispering gently to each other and something about that always made Frank’s heart swell and overfill with happiness. He’d see them playing Castle and hear about the awful firebreathing dragon that Miles never failed to save Oktober from and the way they called each other Prince and Princess only when they thought they were alone. Memories of him and Jamia in high school would always flood through his mind when he saw the two of them together and he was surprised at how they no longer brought him sadness, but closure and happiness towards what they once had.

Frank admired how it didn’t matter or occur to Miles and Oktober that their elementary crush might fade away one day, and they might even drift away with time. He admired how they chose to be happy and live in the moment, believing that forever existed and nothing could take one away from the other, and Frank had once felt that way, too. He pondered over this as he washed the dishes and waved away Gerard’s offer to help out until Miles came rushing down the stairs.

Frank turned the tap off as Miles tugged on his pant leg, “What’s up, little man?”

“I want to give Oktober her gift.” Miles replied, blushing.

Frank beamed brightly and found himself retracting his previous thoughts as he led Miles up to his bedroom to retrieve her gift. There was something different about Miles and Oktober. They weren’t like the other children, if anything they were probably a little too mature together sometimes, but he wasn’t complaining because it was cute to watch them blush and just be together.

Frank opened his door and held it for Miles. He then made Miles wait a few steps back so he wouldn’t see the amount of unwrapped gifts tucked away inside. Frank rummaged around until he remember he stuck the necklace in the same drawer as Jamia’s jewelry because that was the only safe place that no one would dare to look. Also, every kid in the household knew that the jewelry inside a jewelry box wasn’t the same thing as the plastic sets they got from the toy store and therefore off limits. 

Frank pulled it out in its original packaging and carefully placed it into Miles hand. Miles beamed up at his father before cradling it in his hands to safely transport it into his own room. Frank watched his son leave and felt the sudden and overwhelming urge to cry because kids grew up entirely too fast.

***

Miles opened the bedroom door and quickly hid the necklace behind his back. Oktober was still on the floor drawing and she looked up smiling when Miles entered. She was on her stomach, her feet up in the air and kicking absentmindedly as she started humming. She went back to her coloring page as Miles slipped the necklace in his back pocket for later use. He made a mental note to not sit or fall down on it as he lay down on his stomach next to Oktober.

Oktober leaned closer to Miles and nudged him gently with her shoulder as she continued coloring. Miles nudged her back before looking closely at the dragon she was coloring from the coloring book he kept in his nightstand. He pointed at the design on the dragon, “What are you going to color that?”

Oktober shrugged, “I don’t know. Our dragon doesn’t have any designs, does he?”

“No, he doesn’t, but we can make him have designs like those ones if you want.”

Oktober smiled brightly, “Nah, I like the dragon just the way he is because your Dad Gerard drew him better than the coloring books do.” She paused for a second before setting all the crayons down and pushing them aside, “Do you maybe want to play Castle once more before we have to go to bed?”

Miles smiled and stood up, holding his hand out for Oktober, “I thought you’d never ask.”

Their game of Castle played out like it usually did except Miles was conscious of the necklace in his back pocket. His moves weren’t as careless as they usually were, but Oktober didn’t seem to mind. If anything, she cheered for him a little more and even volunteered to help Miles beat the dragon. Miles gladly agreed to let her help and together they battled the giant dragon to the death. At one point Oktober went down and Miles had to battle his way towards her. He helped her up once more and even gave her the honor of using his sword to stab the dragon one last time. When they were done, Miles got back down on one knee and Oktober cupped his cheek in her small palm.

When Miles stood up, he intertwined their fingers together and kissed the palm of her hand just as he had done earlier at school. Oktober giggled adorably and Miles didn’t even try to battle the dragons in his stomach as Oktober pulled him into a giant hug. They lingered together a little longer than usual before Oktober pulled apart and kissed him lightly on the cheek. They both blushed furiously before Oktober looked back at Miles, “Thank you for saving me, my Prince.”

Miles pulled the necklace gently out of his pocket and showed it to her, “I’d do anything for my beautiful Princess.”

Oktober gasped and her eyes widened at the sparkly necklace that Miles was holding out in front of her. She gently took the necklace from him and held in the palm of her hand, entranced at how beautiful it was. It was wasn’t too extravagant and even a little plain, but it was better than all the jewelry she’d ever seen. She looked back up at a beaming Miles and threw her arms around him in a tight hug, “Thank you so much! It’s so beautiful! It’s like a real princess necklace! Can I wear it?”

Miles couldn’t erase the smile on his face even if he tried as he held her back just as tightly, “Of course you can. It’s for you.”

Oktober gave the necklace back to Miles and turned away from him. He fumbled with the clasp a bit before the necklace was let go and dangling lightly from Oktober’s neck. Every few seconds she kept touching it to make sure it was still there before she leaned in and gave Miles another kiss on the cheek. He blushed and took her hand back in his, “Merry Christmas, my Princess.”

Oktober smiled at her handsome prince and replied, “You’re the best prince in the whole world. Merry Christmas, my Prince.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: 
> 
> Once again, we want to say thank you for all of the reads, votes and comments. This story have gotten more attention than we ever dreamed of it having. 
> 
> This is why we're now hosting a competiton/giveaway. The rules of what you have to do will be posted on the Facebook page for this story. 
> 
> Link: https://www.facebook.com/itwasallanaccidentofficial
> 
> All that we will reveal here is that there will be some prizes, which includes 'The True Lives of My Chemical Romance' by Tom Bryant, and some other stuff. 
> 
> Bri and Alexa 
> 
> P.S: Yes, we gave into your wishes and wrote this chapter for you. This is not a chapter that was planned to be in the story at all, but it seemed that you guys wanted it anyway


	16. Christmas Feelings

Gerard’s POV:

As Christmas Eve grew closer and closer, I felt myself tense up more and more. Not because I wasn’t looking forward to it, because I really was. At least on the children’s part. Frank had convinced me to agree on us celebrating like Jamia always did, with Norwegian traditions, as she was of Norwegian inheritance. I had agreed because, out of the household, four out of six people were already used to celebrate that way, so it made more sense. Besides, I hardly thought Bandit would care if things got changed up a bit.

No, it was not this part of Christmas that somehow scared me. It was rather my decision to confess my feelings for Frank to him that scared me. Deep down I knew that I had nothing to be afraid of, at least not after the talk Mikey had with me on Thanksgiving, but I was anyway. For all I knew, I could get rejected, and just the thought of that had me shuddering. But, anyhow of how scared I might be of it, I knew that it would be even worse to not go through with it, so I simply had to.

It was now or never.

***

I woke up early on Christmas Eve, due to the fact that I’d been hearing the kids ramble around in their rooms for a while. Probably about an hour or so, but it was more than enough to wake me up. Besides, the light was shimmering lightly through my curtains like a dream, ushering me to get up. I groaned loudly, wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and got up. Still in my pajama and with a bad case of bed hair I went down to the kitchen where Frank was sitting in a chair, a cup of coffee in his hands.

“The coffee is still hot.” He informed me.

I got over to the cabinet and pulled out my all-time favorite cup. It was plain white, except from the inscription ‘Daddy’ in gold letterings. Bandit got it made for me two years ago. I walked back to the coffee machine and poured some from the can. The smell instantly hit me and I felt my body quicken a bit, as if awaiting the nourishment it so desperately needed. I wanted to laugh just at the thought, because that’s how addicted I had become to coffee. With the cup in my hand I went over to Frank, sitting above the table from him and I started to sip my precious coffee, letting the warmth from it warm up my body.

“You look happy today.” Frank commented, and I nodded. I was happy. “Have you seen the kids yet?”

“No, but I’ve heard them. They must be in their rooms, playing. But, after I finish this coffee, I’m going up to get them.” 

Frank nodded in agreement, before going back to sipping on his own coffee silently. I did the same, figuring that it was best to enjoy the silence now that I had the chance, knowing things would be different very soon. Sitting there, all silence around me except from the sounds from Frank drinking his coffee, I couldn’t help but think back to the day that Frank had asked me to celebrate with Norwegian traditions.

Asked was maybe the wrong way to put it though. It was more like stuttering. He had come to me after the kids had gone to sleep, his face a huge question mark. When I had asked him what it was, he only stuttered and his face went tomato red. I had cocked my head to the side, wondering what it could be that he wanted to say, but found so hard.

“Spit it out.” I had said, wanting nothing else but hear what it was that was making him so flustered.

I saw his face go one shade darker, if that was even possible, and then he mumbled something that sounded like Christmas.

“What about Christmas, Frank?”

“I wondered if there is a possibility that we can celebrate it with Norwegian traditions?” The question came out so weak that I almost thought he didn’t mean it, but I knew him, and I knew that he meant it. And, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I knew Jamia was of Norwegian heritage, I would probably have found this very strange of him to ask.

For all the years Jams and Frank had celebrated Christmas together, they’d celebrated with these unfamiliar traditions. At least that’s what they were for me.

I knew why he wanted us to celebrate this way. It was one of the few things he had left from her and he wanted to hold on to it. But, it wasn’t just for himself he was asking this. He was asking on the behalf of Cherry, Lily and Miles too, who knew no other way to celebrate than that. He didn’t want one more thing in their lives to be changed. And I could understand that.

I couldn’t deny him this wish. Not only had it been hard for him to ask, but I really had no reasons to say no at all. I knew that Bandit would understand the change this would mean for her, she was old enough for that, and that would have been my only objection. But I didn’t have that, so I simply gave him a hug and told him ‘yes, of course.’ His face was still somewhat red when I let go of him, but thankfulness was spread all across his beautiful features, as well as a broad smile.

“Gerard, you’ve been done with your coffee for fifteen minutes now.” Frank’s voice cut through my memories and made me come back to reality. I looked down into my cup and realized that he was right, my cup was empty. I sighted and let the temptation of another cup run through my mind before I rose to my feet, grabbed my cup and put it in the dishwasher.

“Will you go and put on the television, Frankie?”

I saw a nod from the corner of my eye before I started to walk up. When I reached Bandit’s room, I stopped up. All of the sounds that had been coming from all the different rooms earlier had now gathered and now they only came from her room. I opened the door and promptly said good morning.

A wall of screams met me and I smiled and let out a small laugh. Then, four small bodies ran straight into me, arms hugging my waist.

“Daddy, you scared us!” Bandit accused me before she wiggled her finger at me. I laughed and pointed to the door.

“Guys, it is TV time.”

Four very excited faced looked up at me, then released me from their grip and ran out of the room. The room went empty and silent. I looked around at all the mess that they had created the short time they had been here. Barbies was everywhere, but so was G.I Joe’s. I bowed down and picked them up and put them back to their places with care. 

When I came down, I found them all on the couch and armchairs, hidden underneath massive blankets. Their gazes were focused on the TV, which was set on showing old Disney movies and series. They seemed happy with this, so I left them there in peace.

Out on the kitchen, Frank was still sitting down with his cup of coffee, sipping at it. I wondered if he’d used a very long time on it, or if he had found himself some more. But, if I knew him right, it was probably a latter. The only thing that was different was the fact that he was sitting with a cookbook by his side, studying it intensively. I went around to him, snuck my arms around his shoulders, which made him jump, and looked at the page he was on. The title said ‘Pork Ribs’.

“Frankie, is that what we’re supposed to eat today?” I asked him, thinking that wasn’t a very typical Christmas dinner.

He nodded. “Yeah, you guys will eat this. This, patties, sausage, potatoes, sauerkraut, red cabbage and brown sauce.” I drew my breath sharply. That was sounded like so much food. How did he think we could eat all of that? He looked up at my face and saw my reaction and laughed.

“Don’t worry Gee. It sounds much more than it really is.”

“If you say so. So, is there anything you need help with?”

“No. I can manage this. Besides, if you make this, it will all be burnt and we’ll get no food at all.” He poked my side and I hmph’d at him. I knew I was bad at making food, but I was not that bad. 

“Why don’t you find the morning gifts for our little TV watchers?”

The morning gifts. How had I forgotten about those? After all, they had been the best part of the gift buying for me. They mostly consisted of comics, movies and candy.

The comic part of it had been easy, as I was the one to take them out to buy comics, so I knew which ones they read or not. It had just been for me to walk into the local comic book shop and pick up the latest issues/Christmas specials and wrap it in. I had then called in a favor and gotten a hold of the graphic novel I had gotten published when I was fifteen. That would be one of the main gifts to Bandit. She had somehow heard about it and had been pestering me about getting it since. Frank had been shocked when it came in the mail and had gone into a frenzy about getting to read it, but I had only laughed and said he needed to ask Bandit about that after she had gotten it. At that he’d hmph’d at me. 

Movies had been a tad harder, but still relatively easy. The candy part on the other hand, that was a chapter on its own. Frank had insisted that we should import some Norwegian candy, telling me all about how good it was. At that point, I thought he had gone a bit overboard with the whole thing, but I sat down with him and ordered it nonetheless. Frank’s definition of some though, might have been a bit inaccurate. He ordered a whole bunch, excusing it with a shrug and telling me it would last longer.

I went into the pantry and looked on the top shelf, which I was the only one to reach. All of the morning gifts where there, packed and ready. I put them in the Christmas stockings that Frank had dug up yesterday and went back into the living room with them. The kids were still tucked underneath the huge blankets, all intensely watching the movie that was playing on the TV. I recognized it as Frozen, a movie that had been very popular four to five years ago when Bandit still had been little. Back when she’d been totally obsessed with princesses and watched every princess movie she could get her tiny hands on. She had even asked to get a dress like Elsa’s, and of course, as both Lyn and I had been happy to make her wishes come true, she’d gotten one. I decided to just dump the full packed stockings on their laps, which earned me some pretty high pitched squeals from everyone except from Bandit, who just looked at me quizzically. I shrugged, and just told her to open it before I returned to the kitchen.

Frank was now in full motion. He whirred back and forth, obviously trying to make the food. And, by the smile on his face, I could only guess it was all going accordingly to his plan so far.

“Gee, could you please clean off the counters? I’m soon done here, so it would be very nice of you.” His voice was a bit breezy, like he’d been running, but I took that as stress and did as he told me to. Just as I got done cleaning up, he locked the door to the oven.

“Now, let’s see if I can find those movies.” Frank mumbled, and I instantly wondered about what he was talking about. After all, it was more than enough movies in the living room, and the kids were already watching them. But, I knew he hadn’t filled me in on all of the plans today, so I was kind of just going along with whatever he said.

“Hey Frankie, is there something you want me to do?”

“Yeah, why don’t you go and watch TV with the kids? I’ll be joining you soon.”

Once again I just did what he said. I dropped down in one of the armchairs and tucked a light blanket around me and turned my attention to the TV. Frozen was still playing, though it was nearing its end. The kids had opened their presents, and the table was covered with their new comics, movies and candy. None of the candy was opened yet, which surprised me until I understood that they didn’t know what kind of candy most of it was, as it all was marked in Norwegian.

Everything remained that way until fifteen minutes later, when Frank finally appeared in the living room, carrying two movies.

“Daddy, what kinda candy is this?”

“Daddy, this? What is this?”

“Frankie, what kind of candy is this?”

“That is chocolate with roasted almonds,” he said while pointing to the candy bar that Cherry held up in front of him, “and that, Miles, is a bag of Smash which is corn covered in chocolate.” Then he turned to Bandit, while holding up a movie cover I didn’t see the cover of and said, “Did that answer your question Beezle?” Bandit nodded, and he then went over and put the movie on.

“Daddy, is that what I think it is?” Lily asked. “Is it Three Nuts For Cinderella?”

Frank nodded and put the video on. Once again Bandit looked at me quizzically, and once again I shrugged it off. Bandit understood that I didn’t know what it was either, so she returned her attention to the screen, saying no more. Or, that was until the menu popped up on the screen.

“Frankie, what language is that?”

“That is Czech, Beezle.”

What the hell? What were we doing watching a Czechoslovakian movie on Christmas? I had to wonder; as this was something I had never heard of. Frank hadn’t mentioned this at all.

As Frank opened his mouth to answer both Bandit and mine’s quizzical looks, he was silenced by Lily and Cherry who were bouncing on the couch, both halfway screaming, “Daddy, daddy, daddy, can I tell her?!”

“Okay, but do not talk in each other’s mouth please.” He laughed.

“You see, Bandit, that it’s a custom to see this movie on Christmas Eve in Norway.” Lily started off.

“Yeah. The main television channel airs this at the same time every year.” Cherry continued.

“And, it’s not Christmas without this movie. So that’s why we’re gonna watch it.” Lily finished off, grinning.

And with that, we all fell silent and watched the movie, and as it turned out, it was a great movie. Though it was old and not in English at all, which made us read every subtitle, it was good. It was as if it was made to be a classic, and in some ways, I guess it was. Bandit seemed to like it too, as she cheered for the heroine throughout the whole movie and let out a breath of relief as the heroine got the prince in the end.

We all just sat there for a moment after the movie ended, none of us wanting to get up from the comfortable spots we’d found for ourselves. But, that got a quick end as the doorbell rang, leaving a buzz throughout the house. All of the kids got up in a hurry, leaving blankets in a mess, and raced for the front door. It took about a second from I heard the door open until I chorus of screams reached my ears.

“Uncle Mikey, uncle Mikey, uncle Mikey!”

I got up from my spot and went out to greet him with a hug. “Hey Mikes. Long time, no see bro.”

The kids were still around us, trying to hug Mikey, all at once.

“Hey, uncle Mikey, where is auntie Sarah?” Bandit asked. I looked around me, and sure, there was no Sarah here, even though we had made sure to invite her too.

“Oh, she’s at home. She’s unfortunately sick tonight. But, she told me to say thank you for the invite and that she appreciated it, and that she’s sorry that she couldn’t come.”

“Oh, okay. Hey, uncle Mikey, wanna watch TV with us?” Cherry said. “Pretty, pretty please?”

“Yeah, come watch TV with us!” Lily joined in. At the same time, Miles tugged in Mikey’s pants and looked up at him with puppy eyes. Bandit simply took his hand and dragged him towards the living room, knowing they would get their will anyway. And sure enough, he made no protests, just laughed and went with them.

I turned towards the kitchen, were I heard Frank tumble around, opening and locking what sounded like every cabinet possible.

“Frank, do you need any help?”

“No, I can manage on my own, thanks.” He said, his back turned towards me.

“But, I would gladly help you.”

He turned towards me. “I can do this on my own Gee, but thanks for asking. Now, go watch some more TV with the kids and Mikey,

and I will tell you when the dinner is done.” He turned back again and opened a new cabinet, taking out some plates.

“But…”

“No ‘buts’, Gee. Go watch TV.”

***

The day had been perfect, and in more than just one way. The way our little family had been together, celebrating one of the biggest holidays in the year without letting it get sad had amazed me. After all, it was the first year any of us celebrated without Lyn or Jamia around. I had worried a lot about Frank and how this could have been too much for him, as we celebrated with traditions he so strongly associated with Jamia. But, to my surprise, it seemed like it had no effect on him at all. Instead, he’d been bossy, but playful all day.

He had made the most fantastic dinner, and he had served it with pride. The table had been set with a white crochet tablecloth and a deep red table runner on top. In the middle, he’d put a chandelier, which had been lit up during dinner. The food had been served on our best china, and I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I’d say that it looked like the best dinner I’d ever seen. It also smelled heavenly. As we all sat down to eat, it had been clear to me that it also tasted the same way. And, judging by the silence that had filled the room, I think everyone agreed.

Even though I earlier had thought it would be too much food for us to consume, I had been wrong. Sure, we didn’t eat it all, but most of it disappeared. And, what was left, we told Mikey to bring back to Sarah so she could have some too.

After dinner, both Mikey and me started to clean away the table while the kids once again disappeared to the living room. Frank was already in the kitchen, putting the dishes in the dishwasher carefully. Mikey had watched him for a moment before he made a comment about the fact that there were way more dishes then what Frank could possibly fit into the dishwasher. I had deadpanned, knowing that Frank would now do everything in his power to prove Mikey wrong. And sure enough, after a couple of rounds of swearing, he’d fitted them all in.

Opening the presents had been an event in itself. All of the kids, apart from Bandit, who at first didn’t understand why we were opening them this night, instead of tomorrow morning, had been really excited. The pile underneath the tree had been huge, especially since Mikey had brought over gifts that he had gotten too. We had set Bandit to read up from the tags on the presents and then hand them over to the person it belonged to, which had been a task she had taken seriously. Every time she picked up a new gift, after the previous one had been opened and properly admired, she would clear her throat and tell everyone loudly who it was to and who it was from. She had even gotten a hat to have on her head while she did so, so she had been like a mini Santa. Frank, of course, had ran upstairs to find a camera to capture it all. He’d been smiling proudly to them all while the presents had been opened, snapping pictures all the time.

It had taken a while to get through all of the gifts, but when it was done, at least two hours after we had started, the kids were yawning with tired eyes after being up all day. They had marched up to the bathroom, brushed their teeth, gone back down to us to give us goodnight hugs before they’d marched back up to bed. That without us having to say anything to them. Frank followed them up to read them a Christmas story that he’d gotten from the store a few days back because it looked cool while Mikey and I stayed down the stairs, clearing away bits of wrapping paper left over until we deemed it clean enough and gave up. Frank and I would have to take care of it later.

Mikey and I collapsed on the couch together and I flipped the TV on, and clicked aimlessly for a few seconds before a modeling agency commercial came on and I remembered Sarah who was currently stuck at their house, sick. I looked over at Mikey and was confused because he was frowning at the commercial. I turned the volume down and nudged his shoulder lightly. He looked at me worriedly and I scooted closer, “What’s going on, Mikes?”

Mikey sighs loudly, “I’m really worried about Sarah. For the past couple of weeks, she’s been acting differently. Just the simplest things have been upsetting her or making her really angry. She’s been a lot more tired than usual and complaining about a constant nauseous feeling. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like the smallest things set her off. Like yesterday, I made her favorite dinner and she complained about the smells being too overwhelming before running to the toilet and dry heaving. For the past couple of days, her body temperature has risen to the point where I’m burning in the bed next to her and she’s been having these massive headaches. I’m so worried for her and I have no idea what I can possibly do to help her. She refuses all forms of medicine and I constantly have to restock the orange juice in the fridge because she’s practically inhaling it.” Mikey rubs tiredly at his eyes, “I haven’t been sleeping well because this is all eating away at me. I feel like something is off, but I can’t put my finger on it. It’s like an unsolved puzzle or something and I have to connect the pieces without a picture.”

I lean back heavily on the couch cushions and feel a memory scraping the edge of my consciousness. Like Mikey, I too feel like I can’t exactly put my finger on what Sarah is going through, but it sounds vaguely familiar. Eventually, I just give up, shrug my shoulders gently and smile apologetically, “Have you tried talking to her about it?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of, bro,” Mikey groans. “I’m scared that I’ll set her off again and she’ll go on another rant like the one yesterday just because I left my shoes beside the front door instead of in the closet. I could’ve sworn it wasn’t that big of a deal just a few days ago.”

I whistle lowly and Mikey laughs loudly, “Shut up, Gerard. Anyways, enough about me and my problems. What’s up with you and Frank? Has anything progressed since Thanksgiving?”

I look at Mikey sadly, “No, it most definitely hasn’t.”

Mikey rolls his eyes so hard I’m afraid they’ll fall out onto his lap, “What’s the holdup then? Are you even planning on telling him?”

“Of course I am. I was actually thinking about tonight,” I admit, biting my bottom lip nervously, watching the stairs to make sure Frank isn’t coming down just yet, “but I’m not sure what I should say or how to even begin to tell him how I feel.”

Mikey grins, “You’re Gerard motherfucking Way. I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” Together, we both laugh and when the mood turns back to serious, Mikey sighs, “Just lay it all out there, Gee. You already know he’s head over heels for you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I say, grinning. “Thank you for that.”

Mikey only winks before we both hear Frank coming quietly down the stairs with the book in his hand and a cute smile on his face. Shortly after that, Mikey gets up from the couch, and hugs us both goodbye before he leaves, telling us he’d come over tomorrow to pick up his gifts, as he was too tired to even think about them right then.

This left me alone with Frank. I could feel my stomach turning and twisting, knowing that the moment was upon me. It was time to give Frank his gift and tell him how I feel about him. I got up from the couch, took the few steps over to Frank where he was sitting in an armchair and held my hand out for him. He looked up at me, and said, “What is it, Gee?”

“I still have to give you my gift, Frankie.” I stated, hoping he would take the hint and get up.

“Then why don’t you bring it down here? I’m so tired and I rather not get up right now.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to come with me.” He sighted and took my hand and let me help him get up. I led him up through the room and up the stairs until we stood outside of his bedroom.

“Uhm, Gee, what are we doing outside of your bedroom?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.

“Your gift is in your room.” I state, trying to hide the nervousness in my voice. I was really nervous to find out how he would react on his gift. I had been really undeceive about it, wondering if I should just give him something simple or give him something that showed not only how much I cared for him and how happy I was that he had moved in here after the accident. How much he meant to me. I had ended up on the last option. Though, right now I kind of regretted it. This night could end in disaster if I had missed on this.

I opened the door that was the only barrier between us and the possible disaster and switched on the light switch. I heard Frank, who stood behind me, gasp out loud.

Over his king sized bed, which took up most of the space in the room, hung a huge canvas. On the canvas, it was painted the same motif that had only weeks ago been painted before, just that this version was a bit more detailed. It was a family standing together, pretty much straight up. Each and everyone had their names over their head, marking who they were. Cherry, Lily, Miles and Bandit stood on the sides, their faces painted with happy smiles and their signature hairstyles. In the middle stood two men, one slightly lower than the other. The lowest one had the name Frank painted above it; while the taller man had Gerard painted above it. Just as the previous painting, they were holding hands and smiling brightly. Over their heads, a small heart had been painted.

I held my breath while I turned around to look at him. His mouth was open and formed a little O, while a single tear was finding its way down his cheek. He showed off so much disbelief that I felt a bit thrown off. Did he not like it? Had I just fucked everything up by making him this picture? Or even worse, could I have fucked things up so badly that this could be the end of the amazing time of us living together? All of these thoughts swirled around in my head as he walked up to his bed and put his hands on the canvas.

I looked down at my feet, shuffling them a bit around, and felt hotness fill my face. He didn’t like it. He couldn’t have, or else he would have said something by now, right? Right? My insecurities over my own judgment came flowing through me and I felt like walking out the door and hide in my room like a teenager. This was just so embarrassing.

Since I was looking down and had been standing in my own thoughts, I hadn’t noticed that Frank had come over to me. In fact, I hadn’t even heard what he had said the past minutes at all. I didn’t react to anything before he put his hands on my arms, forced me to unclasp my hands and drew me in for a hug. Even then, I didn’t respond at first. I was simply unable to. Then, when I finally got my head back in place, I lifted my own arms and wrapped them around Frank’s small body.

“Gee, did you really make that for me?” Frank’s voice sounded gruffy. I nodded. He tightened his grip around me even more, if that was even possible. Then he let his grip up, pulled himself up on his toes and kissed my cheek lightly and took a step back. My hand immediately flew up to my cheek to touch the spot his lips had been only moments before. I felt a slight tingle underneath my skin.

“Thank you, Gee, that’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten.” Frank’s soft whisper reached me and I looked over at him, but he had turned his head slightly away from me in a shy manner and all I could see was a pink blush on his cheek.

In that moment, I decided to take the biggest risk I’d ever taken, apart from starting a band. I took the one step that separated Frank and me, lifted my hands and cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. Before I could think over the situation any further, I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. It lasted for only a moment before I pulled away and studied his face. His eyes were glossy and shined up, his face was filled with a blush, though it didn’t seem like it was from anger.

Then, the unimaginable happened. Frank’s hands crept into my hair and he abruptly pulled my face to his and pressed his lips to mine. With the force he put in, I let myself surrender to it and let him take control. So when he deepened the kiss, I sighted with happiness and let him in. He snuck his tongue in and let it explore my mouth, and I did the same. It was a sweetness and fierceness with the kiss that I had never thought I’d experience.

Seconds later, although it seemed like minutes, we pulled apart.

“I love you, Gerard.” Frank murmured.

“I love you too, Frankie.”


	17. Get The Gang Together

Frank's POV:

The rain was pouring down on the windshield in front of me, and the wipers where going nonstop to try to keep the masses away, but to no avail. Gee, who was sitting in the seat beside me, was swearing underneath his breath constantly, obviously not happy with the poor sight in front of him. I squeezed his hand as a reassurance, knowing that he was well capable of driving in this horrible weather and that it wasn't the end of the world, even though he acted like it was.

I was the only one paying attention to the way Gee acted though. The kids, who were in the backseat, weren’t paying attention to us at all. They were fooling around and singing along to some random pop song that was currently streaming out of the radio that Gee had put on. Basically, they acted like normal, not really noticing anything besides what they were doing.

I leaned back in into my seat, still with my hand in Gee's free one, trying to relax. After all, what could go wrong?

We drove like that for about half an hour. The rain was still pouring down around us, and Gee was still not happy with the crappy sight, but at least he had stopped swearing and he was relaxing a bit more.

What happened next seemed to come out of nowhere. Out of the wall of rain, a car appeared. The car, as small as it seemed from where I was sitting, was heading directly at us. It was swerving all over the road, like the driver was drunk and didn't know what he was doing, but nonetheless, it was heading our way. It also held a much higher speed than what it should have. Panic started to rise in my heart as I watched in horror while it came closer. I looked over at Gee to see if he had noticed it, but he hadn't. At least not yet.

"Gee, watch out" I tried to urge, but the words were stuck in the back of my throat. The car was now unbelievably close, and all I could do was close my eyes while my last thoughts went to my family that were all in the car with me. The family that I loved so much, and had only recently gained, only to lose it to another drunk driver.

I could feel the impact of the crash as the other car hit ours, before everything turned black.

****

"Frank! Frank! Frankie, you have to wake up!" I could hear Gee's voice urge beside me, but it felt hard to respond to him. It felt like a mystical force was holding my body down and my mouth shut. The last pictures from my dream rushed in front of my eyes, and I once again felt the horror I had felt so strongly in my dream. My eyes shot open, and I sat up, staring right into Gerard's worried eyes where he was sitting at the end of my bed, his hair tousled and wet from his usual morning shower, his hand resting on my leg. I was panting hard and felt sweat on the back of my neck. Gerard waited until I calmed down before asking, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I nod and am just about to open my mouth when I hear my doorknob slowly twist. Gerard and I look at each other in confusion before turning towards the door as it cracks open. I’m a little alarmed until a head of dark brown hair and pale skin that matches her father’s enters the room completely, rubbing her eyes tiredly and still half asleep. Gerard’s face lights up at the sight and he gets off the bed to pick her up, giving me a face that says we’ll talk about it later, “Good morning, Beezle!”

She clings to her father like a koala, a rare sight now that she’s claimed to be too big for her daddy’s hugs, and the turns her head to face me, “What’s going on? Why was da-” she pauses and my heart jumps in my chest because I had been sure she was about to call me daddy. Gerard sets her down beside me on the bed with a suppressed smile on his face and it leads me to think that he’d caught her slip up, too. “Why was Frankie yelling?” she amends.

Gerard and Bandit both turn to look at me and I ruffle her adorable bedhead, “It’s nothing to worry about, Kiddo. I just had a bad dream, that’s all.”

She nods before settling in the bed beside me and curling up against my side, “When I had bad dreams, my mom used to cuddle with me just like this until I fell back asleep.”

I wrap my arm around her and look at Gerard. His eyes are widened in shock but he’s smiling at his daughter nonetheless. I watch as he bites his lip, his eyes traveling up my arm that’s wrapped around her and then to my face where his eyes reach mine. We share a look and I’m pretty sure we’re both melting inside. Gerard keeps looking back and forth between me and his daughter before he walks quickly around the bed and joins me at my other side, his face in my neck. I shiver and I can feel Gerard’s smile pressed against the skin of my neck peeking out of my shirt. I put my arm around him, too, and lay my cheek on the top of his head.

I closed my eyes and started dozing off again until I hear several giggles coming from the direction of my door. I peek open one eye and see three munchkins standing in my doorway, covering their mouths to try and suppress even louder giggles. I can feel Gerard laughing against my shoulder and I smile when he nicks the skin with his teeth out of the children’s sight. When I look over at Bandit, she’s trying to hold in laughter like the other children by biting her lip. Then, I notice she’s holding up her two hands in the shape of a heart and then pointing at Gerard and I. I poke her in the side and that finally erupts all suppressed laughter.

By the time we stop laughing, my sides hurt and my face feels loose and stretched, all remnants of my dream completely erased from my mind. Now, all four kids are clambering on my bed and jumping around like lunatics. Gerard had been smart and stood up, stretching, before winking at me and leaving me to settle down four hyper children. It takes until Gerard calls down from the stairs, “Who wants to go out for breakfast?” and then all kids are rushing out the door except Bandit; she hangs behind awkwardly and shuffles around.

I clamber out of bed and stretch, knowing she’ll come around and talk to me when she’s ready. I’m just starting to make my bed when Bandit climbs back on it, patting the seat beside her. I sit down beside her and watch as she refuses to meet my face. By the time she talks, I’m starting to get worried that it’s bad news.

“Frankie, can I ask you something?” she begins quietly.

“Of course, B.”

She plays with her hands for a second before taking a deep breath and meeting my eyes, a move that makes me feel like she’s older than she is, “Would it be okay if I called you my dad, too? I mean,” she rushes to finish when she sees me open my mouth, “Miles calls my dad his dad and I was just wondering if I could do the same but to you. You already feel like my dad and sometimes I feel like I’m your daughter, too. You play with me just as much as you play with Cherry and Lily and Miles. I don’t know.”

I smile and wrap my arm around her little shoulders and playfully but gently jab her in the side for the second time this morning, “Can I be honest with you, Bandit?” She nods, biting her lip nervously. “I’d love for you to call me dad and, honestly, I already think of you as my daughter--as my child. I love you just as much as Cherry, Lily, and Miles.”

She barely blinks an eye before she stands up on my bed and then tackles me with a giant hug. I can feel myself grin from ear to ear and somehow it widens when she kisses my cheek and says, “Thank you, Daddy Frankie.”

I salute to her as she jumps off the bed and she just laughs before disappearing down the stairs with the rest of the kids.

I sit there for a moment until I hear Gerard yelling for the kids to get ready to go. I shake my head, smiling, before I get off the bed and decide to get myself ready for today.

***

After breakfast, we all expected to go home and spend the rest of the day inside, but Gerard kept driving. At first, the kids hadn’t noticed because we were headed in the general direction of the house. Hell, I hadn’t even noticed until Gerard drove right past our exit and missed the next three after that, then I realized that it was probably intentional. I kept glancing at the road and then back at Gerard, trying to figure out where we were going before the big reveal, but I honestly had no idea.

I had asked Gerard quietly a few times, trying not to clue the children in that our ride was taking longer than usual. They were completely oblivious and talking loudly to each other. I even had to threaten to go back there if Miles and Cherry didn’t stop arguing over which lyrics were the correct lyrics to some dumb song I hadn’t even heard of before. Somehow, all four kids knew it, even Gerard seemed to be humming it under his breath. After the fourth time of asking and not receiving a straight answer, I rolled my eyes and huffed loudly, holding my arms over my chest.

Gerard smirked proudly before reaching over and taking one of hands away from my chest, intertwining our fingers together on the console between us. I wouldn’t admit it, but it softened my mood quite a bit and made my heart thump unevenly in my chest. It only got worse when Lily noticed we were holding hands and started singing about Gerard and I sitting in a tree and kissing. I turned around and stuck my tongue out at her just as Bandit started cooing and joined in on the fun. Cherry just sat in the back and stared at our hands until the whole car quieted down. I was beginning to get worried that she was angry until I noticed that she was smiling with her eyes rather than her mouth, as if she didn’t want to get her hopes up just yet.

When the car was silent for a long moment, that’s when Cherry decided to speak up, “Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you and Gee boyfriends?” She dragged out the word ‘boyfriends’ causing the other kids to start cracking up.

I looked at Gerard and he winked at me, nodding slightly. I felt my lips twitch as I turned back to Cherry, “As a matter of fact, we are.”

Miles yelled really loudly, “Finally!” just as Cherry started making kissy faces towards Gerard and I while Bandit and Lily started singing the same song about Gerard and me sitting in a tree, kissing.

I laughed until my sides hurt and I could tell that even Gerard was enjoying how well the children were taking our relationship together, and, according to Miles, they had been waiting for it for a very long time.

Gerard and I only gave each other a look and I wondered how the children had figured it out before we had even begun to think about it. I only had a few seconds to think about it though because Gerard exited off the highway onto an unknown street and suddenly all I could see were signs advertising California’s Legoland.

I turned my full attention back to Gerard, aware that my eyes were wider than they’d ever been. I was in disbelief until Bandit read a sign and gasped in excitement, “We’re going to Legoland?”

Gerard’s smile was now a full blown grin and he glanced in the rearview mirror at Bandit, “Where else would we go?”

The rest of the car ride was full of uncontainable excitement.

***

Legoland was amazing. Gerard had gotten us a hotel to stay there until the day of New Years Eve and everyday was full of fun and insane rides. It was five days stress free and the children had a blast. There were dinosaurs, exotic animal rides, fairytales, and plenty of face painting. It was so much fun that even after was spent whole days outside in the parks, we came back to the hotel to run around and continue playing.

Gerard and I barely had anytime to spend alone and we tried to reserve time together for when the kids were asleep, but it was almost impossible with how tired we were each night. The best part about it, though, was that we got to share a king sized bed together and it was different but pleasant waking up cuddling with him. The kids got to choose between two rooms, each with a bunk bed inside, and who they wanted to share with. They were excited to be somewhere new and even woke each other up early every morning to jump on Gerard and I.

We were extremely sad to leave when it was New Years Eve morning. We each chose one last ride we wanted to go on before packing up the clothes we had had to buy (because Gerard hadn’t told us beforehand, so no one had packed clothes), and loaded up the car. One by one, the kids fell asleep in the back while Gerard and I drank pre made iced coffee from a gas station to stay awake and took turns driving while the other rested. We held hands a lot on the way back and even stopped a few times just to prolong the feeling of being away from home. Sometimes, it was nice to get away.

We were almost completely home and Gerard was back to driving. I was nodding my head to the music when he slowly turned it down, “Hey, Frank?”

“Yeah?” I yawned and then took a sip of the gross iced coffee that could be found inside of gas station refrigerators. They claimed to be vanilla flavored, but it tasted almost like plastic; I wasn’t complaining too much though, it did it’s job somewhat correctly.

“You never told me what you dreamt about the other night when I had to wake you up.”

I tilted my head to the side, my hand involuntarily gripping the seat tightly as I remembered, and I tried to lie my way out of ruining our little getaway, “I don’t remember what it was about anymore.”

Gerard looked over at me quickly, “Are you sure about that?”

I clenched my jaw, already getting defensive even though I knew that Gerard knew I was lying, “Of course I’m sure. It probably wasn’t even that important.” I tried to wave my hand nonchalantly but it was sweaty from gripping the seat so tightly. I had no excuse when Gerard grabbed my hand in midair and held my hand.

He raised an eyebrow as he looked out the mirrors and then changed lanes, “Frank, if it’s something that’s bothering you, I hope you know you can tell me. I won’t be offended or try to act like I know what’s best for you, but I’d like to know.”

I pulled my hand out of his, turning my face and body away from him to look out the window, “Gerard, just drop it, okay? I don’t remember and you trying to pry a nonexistent thing out of me isn’t helping me remember. If I do remember, then I’ll be sure to tell you.”

I could hear Gerard sigh but he let it go. He turned the radio back to it’s normal volume while I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep but I couldn’t. Now that he’d brought it up, I was remembering the dream all over again. Eventually, I just opened my eyes, checked on the kids, and spent the rest of the ride staring out of the window trying not to think too much.

When we arrived home, it was almost nighttime, so Gerard and I carried the kids inside and tucked them into bed. They had wanted to stay up to watch the ball drop on the TV but it had been a long day and they were most likely to be grumpy.

Gerard and I settled together on the couch, all previous discomfort gone, and I snuggled into his side as he put his arm around my shoulders. I was slowly falling asleep and Gerard kept laughing and nudging me awake. We joked around with each other until the countdown started. We chanted it together.

“Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven…”

We stood up from the couch, facing each other. I tangled my hands in his hair while he lightly placed his hands on my hips. We looked into each other’s eyes, “Six, Five, Four…”

Then, the doorbell rang and Gerard and I looked at each other weird. The countdown continued though, so we waited it out, “Three, Two, One…”

We bring our faces close together, our noses rubbing and Gerard whispers on my lips, “Happy New Year, Babe.” Then, he leans forward, capturing my lips with his. I lean against him and we sway back and forth, hearing the people on the television cheering. I gripped his hair a little tighter and he moaned against my lips. He tilted me back until I was laying on the couch, giving him better access to my neck. I laughed breathily into his ear and he shivered, but before we could go any further and explore, the doorbell went off again, this time followed by several sharp knocks.

I groaned loudly and Gerard sighed, burying his face in my neck for a second. We looked at each other before helping one another up and heading towards the door, hand in hand. We were ready to tell whoever the hell it was to go away but then we saw who was at the door.

Gerard’s younger brother, Mikey, was standing at the door. He was shivering with California’s cool night air and not wearing anything but simple pajama pants and a t-shirt. Between Gerard and me, I unfroze first and hurriedly pulled Mikey inside. In the light, you could see tear streaks down his face and his nose was red on the tip. It was obvious that he’d been crying.

Gerard and I led him into the dim kitchen where he and Gerard sat down at the table beside each other while I prepared the coffee pot, knowing that this was going to be a long night. Once I got everything situated and a cup out in front of each of us, Gerard asked the dreaded question, “What happened?” and that only made Mikey cry all over again.


	18. The Bonds We Break

Mikey’s POV:

Tunes where all around me, filling the air with a sweet, yet hauntingly sad melody. The melody had started out softly, just as feathers brushed gently against soft skin. Then, it had built itself up until I almost wanted to cry from the love it spoke so highly of. From there on, it had slowly become more and more sad, like a tale of a lover who tried his best to apologize. In the end, it was just as soft as it had started out.

The song was mine and had originated from the acoustic guitar I now held in my hands. I had been working on the song for the past week, and it was just now that it was done. To be honest, I didn’t know exactly what the song was. If it was an apology or an ‘I love you’ statement. And, if it was the first, I didn’t really know what I was trying to apologize for.

All I really knew about the song was that I had made it for Sarah. To show her how much I care for her, even though I seemed to do everything wrong lately. The way we seemed to drift apart was bothering me and her sickness was worrying me to no end. It was like she was trying to push me away on purpose, and I had no idea what I had done to make her do that. All I wanted was for things to go back to normal. Normal, as in the way everything had been just a month ago, and as it had always been between us. The loving way we cared for each other, shared things with each other and held the same dreams of a family, it all seemed to disappear in front of my eyes. I had no idea how to fix it, but I was hoping the song was a step in the right direction.

I started to play the song all over again, making sure I got everything right. I didn't want to play this song for her before I knew it was perfect and that I could play it perfectly for her. I played it over two more times before I put my beloved guitar away safely in it's case.

I had locked myself up in my little studio all day, working on it. It was now late, and I knew Sarah would soon come home from her friend's place where she had celebrated New Year's Eve and had dinner. Since I hadn't feel like going this time, we had agreed that I would stay at home. Sarah seemed to be happy with that, and whatever made her happy was fine with me and made me happy, so it had been a win-win situation. But, I knew she'd be home soon, and I didn't want her to come home and find me in here, so I went out into the living room and sat down on the couch, finding the remote control and turn on the TV. I zapped between some channels for a while before I found a decent music channel and let it stay there. I wasn't really up to watching it, so I just laid down to relax.

***

I woke up when I heard the front door open and then shut again. I heard some stumbling, and I wondered idly if Sarah had been driking tonight, but let that thought slide to the back of my mind as I got up from the couch, and walked out to greet her. When I came out into the entrance, Sarah was there, but she was leaning on the wall, her head down with her hair hanging around her face in a mess and she didn't look very well. In fact, she looked like she'd been out partying real hard and that she was exceedingly drunk. But, I could smell no alcohol on her at all, which was even more worrying.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" I asked.

She looked at me before answering, "Nothing is wrong." I would have let it slide, if she hadn't of bent over in that moment, looking like she was about to vomit, while her hand flew up to her mouth to cover it. At the same time, she took off in the direction of the toilet. I decided to follow her, even though I knew she wouldn't be very happy with me for this. She reached the bathroom before me, and just when I reached up with her, she slammed the door in my face. All I could do was stand outside while I heard her gag over and over again.

"Sarah, are you okay?" The worry in my voice was obvious, even though I tried to hide how worried I was.

The answer came several minutes later, after more gagging, the water had been running for a little while and some quiet time. "Yeah, Mikey, I'm fine. How many times do I have to tell you this?"

"Many more because I can tell that you're not fine. You're sick all the time, and it's worrying me to no end. You need to go to the doctor to check it out. Please? For my sake?"

The door opened and almost slammed into my face. Sarah was leaning on the door frame, annoyance clear on her otherwise calm and beautiful face. Not that she still wasn't beautiful, but her emotions were twisting up her feautures.

"Because I'm not sick Mikey! I'm just pregnant!" Her eyes widened as she realized what she'd just said and her hand flew up to cover her mouth as if she was trying to contain the words that she had just said, even though it was too late for that now.

I felt my own eyes widen in suprise, but my mind was empty. Or, for a moment it was, then hundreds of thoughts hit me at once. Sarah was pregnant? How could that be? That question of course answered itself. She'd become pregnant the way everyone else did. Besides, we'd been trying for a kid for a while now, so the possibility of her being pregnant shouldn't be so shocking to me. So why had the message hit me like a shock then? Maybe it had been because the signs had been right in front of me all along, and I had been too stupid to see them? Or maybe that Sarah seemed so unwilling to share the good news? I didn't know, and it didn't really matter either, as the end result would still be the same. Sarah was with child and I was going to be a father.

"Why didn't you tell the good news before? Then I wouldn't had to worry over you." My face had split into a grin, but I could hear some accusation left in my voice, even though I didn't mean for it to be there. After all, this was fantastic news, and I was really happy to become a father. I took a step forward, ready to envelope her in a hug, but before I came that far, I felt her hands on my chest, shoving me away. Not hard, but forcefully enough.

"Because..." Her voice lowered, tears started to form in the corners of her eyes and she looked down. "Because....Well, it's not yours." The last part came out barely as a whisper and I almost missed it. And, I would have done that if I hadn't tried so hard to hear what she said. But, now that I had heard it, I wish that I hadn't, because those words where hard to believe. We'd been together for five years. Of course the kid would be mine.

"What do you mean, it's not mine?"

Silence.

"Sarah, what do you mean it's not mine?" I urged.

She looked down, wrapped her arms around her slim figure and I could faintly see tears streaming down her reddened cheeks. She lifted her head for a moment before she looked away again, but it had been more than enough for me to see the pain and remorse that laid in her eyes.

"Mikey, I..." The sentence hung in the air, unfinished. But, both she and I knew what she meant.

"Did you really cheat on me? After everything we've been through? After all this time?" My voice cracked at the end and tears had started to form in my own eyes. The questions didn't really need to be answered though, as the silence spoke for itself. And that hurt.

I really couldn't believe she would do something like this to me. She knew how much I loved her, how much I adored her. She knew I would go to end of the world and back for her, and yet she'd gone behind my back and done this? It was more than I could take in. More than what I could handle after so much time of worrying about her well-being. Tears started to dash from my eyes, and I turned around and left the bathroom.

I didn't see much through my tears, but I went where my legs brought me. The entrance. I grabbed my coat, shuffled my feet into my sneakers and opened the door. The last thing I heard before I locked it behind me was a faint sob and 'Oh god, what have I done'.

With tears still streaming hotly down my face, I got into my car and drove away. I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care either. It had no importance to me, as long as it was away. Far away. I drove around for quite awhile, not thinking, just driving until I didn't care anymore and parked the car.

With the time, my tears dried out, but the pain in my chest still ached. I wanted it gone, but the person I normally turned to was now the person I was running away from. There was only one other person in my life that held the same importance, and without me knowing, or realizing, my heart and subconcious had led me to him. My brother. I hadn't realized it, but I had parked outside my brother's, and now Frank's house.

I looked up at it. It looked like the kind of house I wanted with the Christmas decorations that they had put up weeks before with their children. It lit up the house. I wanted to cry again just looking at it. For a moment I had seen that future, just to get to know that it wasn't really mine. But I wanted it. I wanted what they had.

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if it would be right of me to get out of the car and go knock on the door. After all, it was New Year's Eve and Gerard and Frank probably wanted to celebrate that on their own. And, I really didn't want to disrupt their happiness with my misery. But then again, I needed my brother.

I got out of the car, locked it, and went up the path to their front door and knocked.

***

It was early in the morning before Gerard and Frank had gotten the whole story out of me. My brother had held me while I had bawled my eyes out, shushing and telling me everything was okay. But it wasn't. It really wasn't. I felt like I had been torn to pieces and now had to pull the jagged edges back together again.

"Mikey, I'm so sorry. What can I do to help?" Gerard said over and over again. I just looked down at my hands from where I sat in their kitchen. I didn't know either. I didn't know if I wanted him to be mad at Sarah, tell me I was stupid for being so upset, or give me advice on how to handle it. I didn't know. I looked up at him before I shook my head, not knowing what to say back at him. Then I reached out for the coffee mug that Frank had made sure was full of coffee all night and realized it was empty.

"Guys, do you mind if I sleep here today?" I asked. I really didn't want to go back. Not yet. Gee nodded and Frank jumped up from his seat.

"Sure Mikes. You can have the spare bedroom. It's all made, so it's just to go grab some sleep." He said, before he let out a yawn. "Actually, I wouldn't mind get some sleep myself." Gerard looked at us both and nodded.

"That would probably be for the best."

Together, we scrambled up on our feet, not caring to clean up our mugs and left the kitchen where we ran right into four tired morning faces.

"Uncle Mikey!" They let out a scream in unison before all of them hugged my waist, clinging to me. I smiled tiredly before I bent down to hug them back.

"Hey guys."

"Bandit, Cherry, Lily, Miles, please let go of your uncle. He needs some sleep and he is not to be disturbed. Okay?" Gee said. "And, Frankie is also going to sleep some now, so you guys have to be a bit quiet today, okay? Do you think you can manage that?"

Bandit looked up at her father, then looked at Frank and then me. "What's wrong with Uncle Mikey daddy? It looks like he's been crying. And yes, of course we can manage to be quiet. Right guys?"

A chourous of 'yes' could be heard. I had already started to walk up the stairs, too tired to stay up to listen to the rest of the instructions Gee was telling them, but if I had, I would have heard him tell them that I was in pain and that they weren't to ask about it. I would also have heard Bandit ask Gee if she could make some pancakes that I could have when I woke up. But I was too tired for that. Too tired to hear how my little niece was being totally adorable and caring for me.


	19. Torn Ties

The sun was peeking through the curtains in a way I was unfamiliar with. I rubbed my closed eyes tiredly before grabbing the blankets from where they had fallen down to my waist and pulled them up to my chin, turning to the side and yawning. I moved a little trying to get comfortable before I rolled back the way I was and felt the spot beside me. My heart jolted as I realized it was cold as if no one had slept next to me at all. My eyes opened in confusion at the same time I called out softly for Sarah, who was usually still asleep at this time. Then, it hit me.

Sarah had cheated on me. Sarah was pregnant with a baby that wasn’t mine as much as it was hers. She had made the next step in our lives without including me at all. A heavy weight settled in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I started hyperventilating without much success or air getting into the right places long enough. I reached over for a cup of water that someone had been kind enough to leave on the nightstand beside the bed and took a sip, before needing to stand up before the comforter and sun combination suffocated me in heat. The sunlight coming through the opened curtains of my brother and Frank’s guest room seemed to mock me with happier days and happier situations.

I quickly stepped out of bed, my shoulders slumped and my head almost as heavy as my heart. My eyes felt swollen as if I’d been crying in my sleep and rubbing them only made it worse. I moved slower than I was used to, but I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to walk faster.

By the time I reached the curtains, which would’ve been an easy feat on any other day in any other situation, seemed like the hardest, most draining action I’d done in months. I closed them tightly, enshrouding the room in darkness and felt tired even though I had just woken up. I dragged my feet back into the bed, making no plans on moving past this room. I tucked myself in a ball underneath the covers and shivered even though I wasn’t cold; I felt empty, frozen inside of my own head.

What killed me was that I’d lived through this feeling before. I had experienced it and overcome it many times as an adolescent and even as an adult. It was soul crushing to know that it was back and caused by the one person who had helped me fight it so many times. I refused to put a name to the behavior and emotions that were surging through me and sticking into my mind, and curled up tighter in the blankets, hugging my knees close to my chest.

I closed my eyes in attempt to try and go back to sleep, but I could hear noises coming from downstairs and the rooms beside me. There was faint laughter coming from down the stairs and the clanking of dishes coming from the kitchen. The sink was on and water running through the pipes could be heard coming from inside the walls. I could hear soft and low toned voices talking down the stairs and even a TV coming from one of the kid’s rooms playing a movie I’d heard before but couldn’t put a name to.

The noise was welcoming and helped me focus on something else rather than the thoughts that were trying to fill my head, pulling me deeper into the unnamed emotion from earlier. I sighed and tried not to think about how sad it sounded, how hopeless and desperate. I wanted to get out of bed again, to find a reason to sit up and join my family that was just downstairs, probably wondering whether or not it was okay to disturb me. I wanted to scream, to yell, to get their attention, so they’d come and get me out of my mind, to get the sadness to disappear until I was alone again.

Then, it was like my thoughts were finally answered. I could hear someone moving clumsily up the stairs and then the smell of something familiar, almost like home. I could tell it was one of the kids because of how light the footsteps were and the way the steps were almost like the soft padding of slippers, which I couldn’t really judge gender by because Frank sometimes wore bunny slippers--I’d seen them a couple of times lying around the house and Gerard always claimed they weren’t his.

My heart stopped thumping so heavily in my chest as a light knock sounded at the door. I found my will to uncurl and sit up in my bed, calling out a small, “Come in.”

It sounded lifeless, even to my ears, but the person outside of my door didn’t seem to mind. The door slowly opened, almost nervously, and a head of dark brown hair peeked in through the door, revealing Bandit, with her hair thrown up in a hasty ponytail and still in her pajamas. She smiled widely at me and I was surprised to find that I didn’t have to force the smile I returned.

“Good morning, Uncle Mikey.” She beamed, pushing the door open a little more and disappearing for a second. I was confused until she entered completely, holding a tray stacked with pancakes. She looked down at them, almost embarrassed before looking up, “I, um, made these for you. Well, Frankie helped, but I did most of the work while he pretended to keep falling asleep at the table.”

I laughed and Bandit took that as her cue to enter all the way. I pat the bed beside me and she scurries over to the edge of my bed, holding the tray out for me to grab. I scooted over and then take the tray from her as she climbs up beside me, pressing her little body to mine. I don’t even bother hiding the smile that stretches across my face, “You made me a lot of pancakes, Beezle! Do you want to share with me?”

She tilts her head to the side, thinking about it for a second before smiling widely and nodding quickly. I cut each of the five pancakes she brought up in half and I pass her the syrup. Together, we sit on my bed, each eating our halves of the pancakes while she tells me how many times Frank pretended to fall asleep and the pig snores he made. It makes the morning even sweeter as she calls Frank dad while she tells her story.

Once they lapse into silence, I clear my throat, “Where are all the other kids?”

Bandit looks down at her hands and plays with her hands, “Dad said to give you some space and to let you sleep more because you’re upset, but Daddy Frank and I didn’t want to leave you alone in here.”

I nod and lack in words to express how I’m feeling to her. She leans against me more and I wrap my arms around her shoulder and she falls lightly against my side, “When I’m upset, I don’t like to be alone. My teacher said that it’s always better to talk about things so people can get better faster and to give them company.” I look down at her and realize she’s already watching me. “What’s making you so sad, Uncle Mikey? Do you think if you tell me that it will help a little?”

I feel a lump settle in my throat and tears threatening to spring forth from my eyes. I’m about to turn her down and direct her attention somewhere else, something more exciting, when I realize that it’s always easier to talk to someone younger, someone who hasn’t had the chance to feel this level of hopelessness before. I blink rapidly, clearing unwanted tears from my eyes and take a deep, shaky breath, “Yesterday, I got some bad news about someone I love very much that hurt me and now I don’t know what to do. I want to make it better, to make it all go away, but I can’t. So, I decided to come here to clear my head and try to figure out what I should do about that person. I still love them, I love them a lot, but I don’t anymore if that’s enough to keep us together.”

When I finally meet Bandit’s eyes again, she’s watching me thoughtfully and there’s a knowing look in her eyes as if she knows exactly what I’m talking about. I almost fear for a second that she does understand or someone told her or she’d overheard last night, but my concerns are pushed away when she starts up a story, “The other day, Cherry and I got into an argument. I trusted her with one of my secrets but she told Lily. I was so sad and angry at her and she kept trying to apologize, but I never let her. I went to my room and was still angry but I cleared my mind afterwards with Miles as we played games and we did our homework for the night. The next day, I decided to forgive her because she is my family and no matter what we have to stick together.”

I smile at her, nodding along to her story. I know she means well, but these situations are completely different. I knew that she wasn’t going to have the perfect example or speak from experience, since most never have to especially at her age, but some part of me hoped that she’d just know and at the same time I hoped she didn’t.

“That’s a really good example. I’m glad you and Cherry aren’t still mad at each other. It’s best to stick by your family.”

Bandit nods, “Yeah, but you know what really helped me get over it?”

“What?” I asked curiously.

She smiles widely, climbing off the bed and pulling my hand as if she’s strong enough to physically pull me off the bed, “Having fun and laughing with people who love you. Now, come one! You have no choice or I’ll get everyone else to come in here and tickle you until you leave this bed!”

I cross my arms playfully over my chest, “Oh yeah? What if I’m not ticklish?”

She leans on her foot, crossing her hands over her chest and raising her eyebrow at me. It’s a move so simple, but it reminds me of Lindsey when she was geared up to take on a challenge. Then, I realize that this little girl wasn’t as innocent as I’d like to believe. She had lost her mother. I realized at that moment that while she couldn’t understand my situation, I couldn’t be bitter about it because at least she had tried to help. Just as she couldn’t understand my situation, I couldn’t understand hers either. My mother was still alive and healthy, but Bandit’s no longer was. That was what finally got me out of bed.

I let myself be dragged out of the room, still in my clothes from yesterday, and moved down the stairs. The only thought keeping me on my feet was the fact that everyone in this household has lost someone: a wife, a mother, a friend. I wasn’t alone in this battle and now I had plenty of people to help me.

They all smiled and welcomed me at the bottom of the stairs. The kids dragged me in front of the TV and even pulled out a couple of board games. We played for hours and we all laughed quite a bit. Sometimes, it was hard, but I didn’t feel like I was being judged if my eyes lingered on a diaper commercial for too long or if I suddenly spaced out, unable to smile. It was almost like they just accepted me for everything that could be possibly be wrong without ever needing to ask why.

It wasn’t until later that night as I tossed and turned on the guestroom bed, curling back into a ball with the blankets, that I realized that Bandit’s story applied to my situation more than I had originally thought. Sarah had broken my trust, and while it would take longer than a day to make up my mind about it all, I knew that family was important. And, in the nine-year-olds wise words, they must stick together.


	20. Cuddles Will Fix It

Mikey's POV: 

Days went by and I was still staying at my brother and Frank's place, occupying their guest room. I had taken to sleep away most of the time since that was the easiest way to avoid everything; avoid facing the fact that even though it felt like my world had shattered around me, it actually hadn't and it still went on; avoid my brother and the concern that always showed up on his facial features every time he looked at me, or the smiles of the kids and their infectious laughter that made me want to laugh with them; even Frank's cooking and the smell of it almost got me smiling and thinking of Sarah and her cooking; but most of all, avoiding looking at the phone every time it rang, wishing that it would be someone that could tell me that it was all a horrible joke and none of it was true. 

Instead, it was always her trying to reach me to explain. I didn't want an explanation. I didn't want to hear whatever pathetic excuse she might have for what she'd done.   
After a couple of days with her calling and texting me all the time, I had had enough. In a moment of anger and hurt, I had thrown my phone out. I had not cared to see where it had landed, but since I had threw it in the direction of the road, I knew it would be gone forever. After that, I had just gone back to bed, satisfied with the fact that it now wouldn't bother me anymore. 

Despite the fact that I slept through most of the day, I was up in the evening. Partly because there's only so much sleeping one can do, but mostly because Frank and the kids wouldn't let me wallow in my own sorrow too much. They meant that it was healthy for me to spend some time with the other people around me. So, every evening, one of the kids would come up to drag me out of the bed and downstairs to eat. Then they would drag me into the living room to make me watch a movie or a TV-show with them. I didn't mind this part so much though, as they would cuddle up beside me which I just found cute. And, when the time came around for them to go to bed, they would insist that I would read some story for them on the bedside. They would choose which room they would be in, then all of them would tuck down into one bed, eagerly awaiting to be read to.   
Sometimes after they fell asleep, I just stayed in there to watch them. It kept my mind clear and gave me something else to think about rather than myself. It amazed me at how peaceful they could look while sleeping, how innocent they really were. But as always, all of my thoughts always referred back to Sarah, back to the child growing inside of her, and the question of whether or not I should be there or be done with her, with her baby. 

Other times after they fell asleep, I would sneak downstairs and spend some quality quiet time with Gerard or Frank and the TV humming in the background. These nights are always the hardest. It's hard seeing them so happy together and knowing that I had once had that and experienced it for myself before it was ruined. So when they had gone to bed, I would go find a blanket and go out and sit on their lawn with it around me to keep me warm and watch the stars. Just watch them shine beautifully up on their place on heaven. It was calming and helped me clear my head of all the negative thoughts I had in my head. After all, I didn't want to feel jealous for what Frank and my brother had. They had both suffered too much to not deserve all the happiness they now had. 

Once my head was clear again after a night like that, I would creep back into the bed and sleep away my time some more, knowing that things couldn't keep up like this forever. 

*** 

Warm rays of sunshine shined down on me, warming my body where I sat on a cold rock in the middle of a park. Children of all ages were running around me, screaming and having fun, just like kids like to. My eyes scanned over them, looking for the twins, Bandit and Miles, as well as Oktober. I had decided to take them all out today so my brother could get some alone time with Frank, and Miles had asked kindly if he could bring Oktober too. Of course I said yes, as they made up an adorable little couple. Besides, I just couldn't say no to his puppy dog eyes. Currently, they where all playing nicely along with each other and I had nothing to worry about. They where good kids after all and easy to look after, which again gave me time to sit around with my own thoughts. 

A few weeks had passed by and Sarah had finally given up on her attempts to get a hold of me. Or, I had told her to stop, since the incident where I had thrown away my own phone, she'd called Gerard and Frank and terrorized them in an attempt on getting to me. In the start, they had just told her that I was fine and that I didn't want to talk to her. But, that hadn't been enough for her apparently, as she kept on calling them, insisting that she needed to speak with me. So, in the end, I had picked up the phone and told her myself that she needed to stop calling, that it bothered Gee and Frank and that I would talk to her when I was ready to talk. Whenever that would be. 

The sad part was that I knew I would probably be going back to Sarah, even though she had hurt me. I loved her too much not to forgive her for what she had done, but I wasn't ready yet. I just couldn't take it just yet. She had hurt me too deeply for that. After all, I had trusted her when she went away on her model assignments, which she got all of the time, to stay faithful to me. What hurt the most was that we had even talked about having kids together for the last year, and God only knew that we had tried, but so far it hadn't been successful. So why, why did she have to go cheat on me? And why did she have to become pregnant with some other man's child? 

A light tap on my shoulder, as well as Bandit's voice asking "Uncle Mikey, why are you looking so sad? Is it because of Aunt Sarah?" saved me from pondering more on the questions in my mind. 

I looked up and tried to force a smile onto my face while I answered her. "You could say so. But, don't worry Beezle, I'm fine. Why don't you go back to playing with your sisters and brother?" 

She looked over her shoulder to where the rest of them were, and shook her head with a smile. "Nah, they're good without me for a little while."

I laughed quietly, the sound a little rushed and unused as I rubbed the back of my neck. It was times like these, when Bandit acted older than she was, that she reminded me of her mother most. I patted the empty bench beside me, "In that case, you can sit right next to me for a little bit, okay?"

She beamed back and climbed onto the bench, her legs dangling just inches from touching the ground. Together we watched the kids scream and laugh and play. I found myself wishing that it was that easy to be happy, that my smiles were always real, that everything that was happening really wasn't. I almost wanted it all to be some elaborate dream that was ending soon. Bandit and I had sat on the bench for so long in silence watching the other kids that I'd actually forgotten she was there until she kicked her legs out and spoke, scaring me, "You don't look fine."

I turned my head in confusion, "What?"

"Earlier," she says, looking anywhere but at me, "You said you were fine, but I know that sometimes when people say they're fine, they're really not." I try to say something, anything really, but she finally looks at me and the lies die on my tongue because her eyes are nothing but open and honest, "When mom died, dad tried to say he was fine all the time, but I'd hear him crying through the walls late at night. For a long time, he didn't act like he used to, but I guess I didn't either."

"We both tried to be calm all the time, but we both knew we were sad. Dad stopped smiling and stopped eating with me at meals. He stayed in his room a lot, too; he only got up to take me to school or go to the bathroom. His curtains were always closed and the phones always rang and rang because nobody would answer them. Eventually, he stopped charging is phone and let that die out too." She looked to the sky and blinked rapidly as if holding back tears. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how. I didn't know how to console a child who seemed to age way beyond her years. I couldn't just tell her everything would be okay because she was old enough to know that not everything was black or white; she was old enough to know that there was a scary gray in the middle of every question or situation. There was always an exception.

She looked back down at the ground and at her hands resting in her lap, "Sometimes, dad and I would talk during that time just to hear someone else. He always said it was because he didn't like thinking he was alone all the time. When people came over, he would always smile but it wasn't the smile that I remembered from before, it was...different, empty. Everyone always asked him how he was doing or coping and he'd keep smiling and he'd tell them he was fine or doing better than before even though we both knew that the two of us weren't."

"Eventually, I realized that people didn't ask you if you were okay because they wanted to help, but because that's what they're expected to do." She looked directly into my eyes and there was an edge in them I'd never seen before, "I looked up online why people ask the questions they don't want answers to or already know the answer to and all I saw was that it was expected of you and found a link to a five step website on 'How to Comfort Someone Who Is Sad (with easy pictures)' and other links on how humanity is obligated to console someone and that it's for confidence, as if someone else's opinion or answer gives them the consent they need to feel the way they do."  
She sighs and shakes her head, "Since then, I promised that I wouldn't do that and that I'd only ask the questions I wanted the answers to because they don't hurt as much as they ones you didn't want to face."

I sat there in silence, gaping at my niece for a long time afterwards before something broke inside of me and cleared away from my throat. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was speak my mind and I knew that Bandit wouldn't judge me, her honest eyes told nothing but the truth.

"I'm sad," was all I said but it was almost like a revelation even though I had known all along. It was refreshing to say it out loud and have it hang in the air like a helium balloon tied to a child's wrist. It left a bittersweet taste in my mouth, but once it was out that's all that was left, so I said it again and again and again.  
I didn't realize I was crying until Bandit placed her tiny hand on my shoulder. I lifted my arm up and she slid underneath it, hugging me as tightly as she could and I was holding on to the cries that were threatening to break through just as tightly. Then, I heard the pounding of feet and suddenly all the kids were there, hugging me wordlessly. I wrapped my arm around then the best that I could and kissed the tops of each of their heads.

Somehow, these kids always managed to make everyone happy even though every single one of them had gone through a giant nightmare. Somehow, these kids were stronger than most kids would be their age with all the things they'd seen, with all the changes they'd had to deal with.

I caught Bandit's eyes in the pile up and mouthed my thanks to her. She just smiled and shrugged, "If those websites got anything right, it was definitely the hugging part."  
Despite the tears and inner turmoil, I managed to laugh and it was the loudest, most honest thing I'd heard come from me in the longest time.


	21. Therapy

Mikey's POV: 

When I get back from the park with the children, I see Gerard and Frank asleep and tangled together on the couch with some HBO movie playing in the background. I smile and make an exaggerated 'be quiet' motion towards the children which results in a game of who can be the quietest with a lot of hushed giggles when Miles crawls sideways like a crab along the floor and Oktober starts taking large tip-toed steps. Eventually, I manage to get them up the stairs without waking either parent up and tell them to play nice before disappearing into my own borrowed room and closing the door softly behind me.

Once I'm alone, I collapse onto my bed and promptly fall asleep. The rest of the day passes by with blurred dreams and, at one point, Lily's voice carrying through the door, "Uncle Mikey, it's time for dinner. Do you want some?"

I remember saying no, but it probably didn't come out very right because the next time I woke up, it was sitting on my nightstand and was extremely cold. The day had completed its cycle into night and when I woke up I felt refreshed as if I was waking up a new person. Something about the kid's form of therapy had helped me almost feel like someone new, someone who was capable of being optimistic. Sure, I still had a lot to think about, but maybe it wasn't as bad as I'd convinced myself it was. Maybe.  
I looked out the window at the night sky and sighed. I couldn't hear the kids anymore, so they must be in bed or still diligently heeding my suggestion that they play with hushed tones—bed seemed more likely.

Grabbing the cold food, I opened my door gently and carried it down the stairs, prepared to at least heat it up or find something else until I reached the bottom of the stairs. Sitting on the couch without even noticing me, was Frank. He was holding a half full wine glass with both hands and staring blankly at the TV as if he were watching without really seeing or retaining information. I debated silently whether or not I wanted to know the answers to the questions I was asking myself before I decided I was being ridiculous because this was Frank.

I moved to the side of the couch and set the plate down as quietly on the table as I could before moving around and sitting down gently beside him. He startled when the couch dipped down but then smiled at me when he realized who it was, dragging his pointer finger around the rim of the glass, "Hey. I'm surprised you're awake. The kids were so ready for bed about an hour ago. Thank you so much for taking them out today. It meant a lot to everyone."

"It's not a problem, Frank. Ever. Also, it seemed like you and Gerard really needed the resting time off." I smile at Frank and Frank smiles lightly back.

We both glance at the TV for a bit and I find myself watching Frank as he goes back to staring off into space, his eyebrows drawn as if considering something complex. I bump shoulders with him and this time he genuinely smiles, "Come on, I want to show you something."

He gets off the couch, leaving his wine glass forgotten on the coffee table in front of him. I follow him down a long hallway that leads to the very back of the house. We stop in front of a door that's at the very end of the hall and Frank beams at me, the excitement radiating outwards from him and making me anticipate what's inside.

He puts his hand on the handle, "You might not think this is very much, but I love it so much. Sometimes when I need a break, I come down here just for some peace and quiet. The kids already know they aren't allowed back here, so there's no danger of being bothered and overheard."

Frank opens the door and I'm suddenly blown away. The room is full of instruments and of different varieties, too. There are electric and acoustic guitars hanging up across the walls, including a couple I remember Frank and Ray playing for My Chem shows; there are two drum sets complete and one I'm definitely sure I remember Gerard buying because it was sparkly; there are a couple bass guitars resting in stands along the floor and I run my fingers along them, my hands twitching. There's a beautiful keyboard sitting the corner with recent sheet music sitting on it and different sets of amps, cables, plugs, microphones, toners, a soundboard, and other musical necessities mixed in with all the stuff.

I can feel how wide my eyes are and Frank only looks back as if to tell me that he knows and I suppose he really does. I take a deep breath and play a note on the keyboard, half expecting it to work and half expecting it to not, but I still jump when it plays a note in the quiet of the room.

Frank nods as if me playing a note or being blown away was exactly what he needed me to feel. He moves to the door and I follow quickly after him, almost afraid to be left alone with so many beautiful instruments. Frank closes the door behind us and sighs happily, leading me back down the hallway.

I catch myself looking back towards the room one last time before we exit the hallway and enter the living room. Frank grabs his wine glass, drinking the rest all in one go before saying, "You know the best part about that room?"

"What? You mean the instruments aren't the best part?" I ask, confused.

"Nope," Franks says, spotting my plate and taking it towards the kitchen, his voice trailing and lingering behind him as he disappears behind the swinging door, "The best part is that you have unlimited access to it at any hour of the day and you don't even have to ask."

There's complete silence from my end and Frank pokes his head back out through the door, trying not to laugh as he says, "Now that you're entirely speechless I must ask, are you finally feeling hungry? I can make you something?"

Frank just ends up making me a grilled cheese sandwich, but that's okay because I wasn't exactly great in my suggestions which were undecided 'I don't know's' and 'anything you decide to make is fine'. It's late and the day looks like it's wearing on Frank. He only stays up for another thirty minutes with me before patting my knee and getting off the couch, yawning. He ascends the stairs slowly and calls down a faint, "Goodnight!" that I return with a smile.

***

Around midnight, I find myself still wide awake and staring at the TV as some late night talk show comes on. I vaguely watch it but my mind is elsewhere. I start getting antsy, my hands itching for something I haven't done in my time here at Gerard's and Frank's now that I know it's allowed and it's possible.

Without really deciding, I get off the couch quickly and make my way towards the back of the house, almost like I'm sneaking without permission. I open the door and step inside in two swift movements, then close the door behind me. I stare in awe again at all the instruments before moving to the guitars hanging on the wall and pull one down. I find a stool and perch the guitar on my lap, closing my eyes as the one song I never thought I'd play again comes to mind, my fingers playing from memory and my mind keeping the notes in my head.

It's the song I wrote for Sarah.

Usually the notes I play are happy and filled with love, but today they sound sad and incomplete, but there's still the sound of hope resonating throughout the piece. When I get to the last note of the unfinished piece, I keep playing. I'm making it up as I go along. Suddenly, the sound is light and playful with a hint of the unknown.

Before I even understand what is happening, there are tears in my eyes and I set the guitar down, the thoughts the music was portraying on the tip of my tongue, but I'm not ready for them just yet. Instead, I leave the guitar on an empty floor stand because I know I'll be back, I just need time. I quietly close the door behind me and go in search for pen and paper because then the words might be a little easier.

When morning comes, I'm sitting at the desk in the guest room with a simple piece of printer paper in front of me. There are scratched out words mixed in with different music notes and inspired lyrics with it. The words I want and need to say are displayed in front of me in a jumbled and influenced order. They're choppy and don't make sense just yet, but they're all there, waiting for me to piece together the feeling building in my chest.

I grab the paper and exit the door as quickly as possible. I can hear the kids in the background, the sound of Gerard's morning music playing not too far down the hall, and the sound of Frank moving downstairs with the smell of coffee permeating through the house. That will make Gerard comes down in a couple of minutes and the kids will shortly follow after him.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, Frank opens his mouth to say something but then stops himself when he notices the paper in my hands and the direction I'm heading. It's almost like he understands the fever rising in me, the shaking in my hands, and the feeling of need that can only be fulfilled by that room. In my hurry, I miss the way he smiles knowingly as I brush by.

Once I'm in the room, I grab the guitar off the stand and everything comes pouring out yet again. It reminds me of the days in My Chem when we'd all get together with this odd vibe shared between us. One person would begin playing something they'd been composing in their mind and the others wouldn't be too far behind, trying to find a melody that fit perfectly with someone else's inspiration. Today, I was just a one man band, but I could imagine how the rest of the band members would sound if they were playing right beside me, feeling every emotion I was feeling as I felt it. It was something manageable and beautiful and it fueled me forward, it wouldn't let me stop to understand everything.

I felt goosebumps rising up my arms and down my spine as I reached the chorus and closed my eyes to just hear and appreciate it. I heard the sound of the door opening and closing and just knew that Frank was standing at the door, waiting for me to finish before taking me away from the room for a little while. I played for as long as I could before I knew the song was finished. When I played the note, it hung in the air and I could feel everything all at once; the clarity, the hurt, the pain, the sadness, the happiness, the unknown, the love, the forgiveness.

When I opened my eyes, I turned around and Frank was staring at me in awe. We didn't say anything for a long time afterwards, we just looked at each other and knew what I had composed. Still in silence, Frank pulled up another stool and set it in front of me and grabbed another guitar off the wall. He played a melody that I'd heard before, something happy and I knew what he was trying to say without him having to say it. 

He knew what I knew just from hearing my song.I lifted the other guitar back onto my lap and started playing another lowkey happy tone underneath his, our music mixing and becoming something unscripted. It was just the two of us letting each other know that we're okay.

When we finish, Frank smiles lightly, "How much longer?"

I don't need context to know what he's asking, "Three more days."

He nods and we both get up, Frank hanging up his guitar and I just place mine back in the stand that's on the ground, knowing that I'll be back to practice. As we leave, Frank puts his arm over my shoulders, "I've missed playing with all of us together. I know I get to play at work with you and a few others, but it isn't the same vibe I get when it was us as in the boys of My Chem."

"I understand," I say and after a few beats of silence add, "Me too."

***

When Frank and I emerge from the hallway, Gerard is sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee in front of him and a few opened letters that look like bills. Despite it being morning, he looks as if he's ready to go back to bed and sleep the rest of the week off.

I sit next to him and lay my head on his shoulder while Frank disappears back out the swinging door. Gerard kisses the top of my head before laying his head on top of mine, "Bills suck."

"So does my life right now."Gerard sighs, "But we get through it, don't we?"

"Somehow, some way we manage." I smile and point to a bill a little ways away, "Your house is expensive."

Gerard laughs, "I'm glad you're up here before noon."

I steal Gerard's mug and he makes a weird, high-pitched noise of disapproval but doesn't move to take it away from me. I leave his mug on the table after taking a couple sips and get up to stretch, "Me too. I really think I'm starting to piece everything together though. Give me three more days and I honestly think I'll have it all figured out."

Looking worried, Gerard says, "Don't rush it, okay? You're welcome here for as long as you need to be. The guest room is always open to you at any hour for any situation."

I grin, "I know, big bro. I know. I think I already have it all figured out, but I'm just taking three days to figure out how to fix it all, how to patch everything up."

"Are you going to be there for her?" He asks, his voice carefully neutral so he won't add doubt or fuel what's already there.

I shrug even though I've already figured it out, "That's what these extra days are for."

He nods, accepting the answer just as the kids emerge into the kitchen with Frank. They rush into the kitchen and all hurry to hug me. It's the first time they've really seen me wide awake and alert in the morning since I've been here. Usually, I'd be awake but still dead to the world, stuck in my own mind, but today is different. Today finally feels like a new day.

We all sit down for a quick microwave breakfast burrito breakfast while everyone around me talks about what they want to do for today. Eventually, they settle on a nature walk and a stop at a couple stores to get disposable cameras for each of the kids. I can't help but grin as I watch them all together and know that they're all going to be okay just as I am.

After breakfast, the kids and Gerard all rush upstairs to get ready while Frank and I stay to clean the dishes. Frank had turned on a small kitchen radio and started singing loudly with it while I laughed and played air guitar. When we were finished, I realized what my plans for today should be, "Hey, uh, Frank?"

"Yeah?"I clear my throat, "I was wondering if you or Gerard could take me to get another phone after the nature trail. I, uh, think it's time."

Frank smiles so wide, I'm sure it hurts, "Of course. Do you have anything in mind? It's on me."

"Uh," I say uncertainly. "Not exactly."

Frank just shakes his head, swaying his hips to the radio, and passes me another dish to dry


	22. Brother

Gerard’s POV:

For some reason, I can’t sleep. I keep tossing and turning under my comforter, either too hot or too cold depending on the positioning of the blankets. Once I kick them off, I’m too cold to sleep, but the second I put them back on the heat starts getting to me. Eventually, I just stick one foot out while the rest of body stays contained and this suffices for a while.

My mind won’t shut up so I focus on my breathing and the steady pattern keeps my brain occupied and only worrying about one thing rather than a billion at the time while I force my eyes to stay closed. After what feels like hours, I’m still not asleep and open one eye to peek at the alarm clock I have resting on the nightstand next to my bed. I open both eyes in disbelief when I realize that only ten minutes have passed and it’s barely midnight.

Groaning, I kick the covers off once more and sit up. This new sleeplessness is becoming somewhat of a habit now and I’m not liking it one bit. I grab the glass of water on my nightstand and sigh when it’s empty. I get out of bed, resigning to the sleepless night I’m sure to have yet again and take the glass out into the hallway towards the kitchen. On my way there, I pass by Frank’s room to find the door cracked and a small light shining through the door. I hesitate for a second before knocking twice softly on the door and peek inside.

Frank’s sitting in the middle of his bed among many pillows and buried in blankets. His small reading lamp is the light I saw coming from under his door and he’s reading a book that I don’t remember seeing him with before. Frank must’ve been expecting me or something because he doesn’t even glance towards the door, just continues reading as he says, “Come in, Gerard.”

I push the door open a bit more and step inside, setting my empty glass on his nightstand before sitting on the edge of his bed. I go to say something but he just holds up one finger and I automatically close my mouth, resting my head on his shoulder and read to the end of the page with him. I’ve never read the book he’s reading, but it seems pretty interesting from what I’ve been able to see.

When he’s done, he bookmarks his spot and tosses the book lightly to the edge of his bed, scooting over so I have more room. Once I’m situated on his bed with my head back on his shoulder, Frank wraps his arm around my waist and lays his head on mine, “Can’t sleep again?”

“No,” I mumble tiredly. It comes out as a mumble because my cheek is resting on the hardest part of his shoulder and slightly digging into it, but I don’t mind it too much. Frank is comfortable and warm and home. It reminds me of when we were touring with My Chem and I had trouble sleeping so Frank would stay up as long as I needed him to. We used to talk so much back then. We used to be so careless and young. “I just came in here because I can’t seem to get enough of you during the day.”

“Oh, well, that’s cool, too,” Frank laughs which causes my head to bounce on his shoulder. Despite it being painful, I don’t say anything about it because I love Frank’s laugh and he doesn’t do it too often and this freely when his kids aren’t around. He brings his arm up from around my waist and starts playing absentmindedly with my hair. It feels great and I feel my body start to relax, but I don’t want to fall asleep in his room, not yet, but I know if I move to go back to my room then I won’t be able to sleep at all, so I try to think of something to say to distract me from falling asleep right on his shoulder.

I look up at the side of his face from my perch and like the way he shivers when my breath hits his neck, but then something occurs to me, “Were you expecting me?”

I love the way that even with the dim bulb of the lamp being the only light in the room, I can still see Frank’s blush as he nods. “Actually, I was kind of expecting you days ago. I could tell that this whole thing with Mikey and Sarah is making you lose sleep. Now, it’s just kind of habit to leave my door open for you.”

He pauses for a second and I settle more into him, closing my eyes until he speaks again, “This kind of reminds me of our touring days when you couldn’t sleep and I’d stay up as long as you needed me to, just talking and making up stuff together. A lot of the time, I’d be tired as shit, but I’d still do it because it was always quiet late at night with all the guys asleep. It was time that just you and I got to spend together without interruption. It was nice. I mean, I loved and still love the other guys, but sometimes all of us together just got so loud that I needed the quiet. For some reason, I’ve always been able to think better with you around.”

“Me too,” I nod lazily on his shoulder, fighting to keep my eyes open even as I completely agree with him and can’t help but think about those touring days, too. I smile at the fact that they’d meant as much to Frank as they’d meant to me. I stay quiet and Frank keeps talking, his voice soothing and natural despite it being so long since the last time he’s had to do this.

“Do you remember that one time you were super buzzed about your new Umbrella Academy idea that you couldn’t sleep because you were afraid you’d lose inspiration or not want to work on it the following day that we stayed up all night and I asked you a shit ton of questions about SVA and your experiences?” Frank asks, using his fingertips to lightly massage my head. I don’t even think he realizes what he’s doing, but its working and I almost forget to answer him until his hand stills momentarily.

I hum in response and then shift more into him so I’m completely pressed against his side and halfway under the covers with him. His warmth is enough to keep my still and my mind in a drowsy state, “Yeah, I totally remember that night. We were both so hopped up on Redbull and sugar that I thought we were actually going to die.”

We laugh together and Frank’s hand starts moving rhythmically again, lulling me back into the same half asleep state as before, but this time it’s coupled in with the warmth of being so close to him underneath the covers, “I remember when I asked you how you met people and you told me about all the other people around you leaving their dorm room doors open or cracked during their freshman year in order to make friends quicker. You said it was like a welcoming thing that made people more comfortable with talking to one another. For some reason, I’ve always been fascinated about this and I still think about it from time to time.”

He pauses for a second and when it drags on, I look up lazily at his face to find him blushing. Frank seems to feel my gaze because he looks down and smiles briefly, if not a little embarrassed, “That’s why I started leaving my door open. I figured if I closed it, then you’d never come wake me up and tell me that you needed someone to help you sleep because it’s a sign of being closed off or not wanting company or being private, but I’ve never really been any of those things. Well, except private because I’ve wanted some part of me to be my own, which is why there aren’t very many pictures of Cherry, Miles, or Lily on the internet apart from what I’ve taken on Instagram or some fan took without permission.”

I grin and poke him in the ribs with my finger playfully while Frank bats my hand away halfheartedly, “So, you’re telling me that you left your door open for me and stayed awake for more than half the night because you remembered a conversation that I didn’t even think about until now from years ago?”

Frank sticks his tongue at me, “Shut up, Gerard. I’m trying to be deep and meaningful and you’re laughing at me.”

I stick my tongue out at him in response before we both start laughing again. After a while, we lapse into a comfortable silence and Frank goes back to playing with my hair. I yawn a couple of times but I can’t go back to the same sleepy state as before. It’s almost as if I know the conversation isn’t done and it’s confirmed when Frank’s hand stills once more and falls down and wraps around my back near my hips. His voice is soft and tired as he says, “You know you’re having trouble sleeping because you’re not allowing yourself to vent out your problems and worries creatively, right?”

I sit up quickly despite the fact that I was extremely comfortable to look Frank in the eye, already on the defense and ready to leave, “What do you mean? I paint every single day for hours on end. Sometimes, I can’t even sleep until a piece is finished. I work on my comics and pieces just for me that will probably never get published since I have a hard time letting things go sometimes. I write often and update my Tumblr somewhat frequently. I’m taking photos of things I like and reading all the time. I’m always doing something even if it looks like I’m not. I’m pretty sure if driving were an art, I’d use that too since I do that a fucking lot.”

Frank raises his eyebrows at my tone, but he waits until I’m finished to say anything and I feel embarrassed at how soft his tone and voice is compared to my offended one. I’m not sure how he manages to stay calm, but he does and it resolves the situation quickly, “That’s not what I meant at all by you needing to vent creatively, even though those are all creative outlets, and you know it.”

I glance down at the black sheets on his bed and pick at them before calming myself enough to look back up at him. I know exactly what he means now, “I haven’t been in there in a long time.”

“I know.” Frank shrugs and then holds his arms out for me to lay back down. I don’t even hesitate before complying. Once we’re back under the covers and laying down next to one another, my head back on Frank’s shoulder, Frank reaches over and turns the little reading light off.

We lay in the darkness, both of us staring at the popcorn ceiling before I break the silence, “Do you really think that that’s the answer?”

Frank moves against his pillow in the darkness for a couple of seconds before he laughs, “I was just nodding before I remembered you can’t really see me.”

I join in laughing, “You’re such a dork sometimes, do you know that?”

“Shhh.” Frank jokes, but I comply anyways, hesitantly putting my arm over his waist. This is the first time we’ve actually slept together in the same bed since we’ve lived together and even though Frank’s the one who turned the light off, I still feel like I shouldn’t.

As soon as my arm touches his waist, he moves his arm to put it under my head and turns his head towards me, so I can somewhat see his eyes in the dark now, “I guess it’s a little too late to really say this now, but I just want you to know that it’s okay to sleep in here with me anytime you need to. I’ve never minded and our current situation doesn’t change that. You were my best friend before anything else.”

“This probably sounds really stupid, but I really needed to hear that,” I whisper. “Thank you.”

“It’s not stupid. Goodnight, Gerard.”

“Goodnight, Frank.” I reply.

Oddly enough, I fall asleep not too long after our exchange to the sound of Frank’s steady breathing and the slow heartbeat I can hear through his chest.

***

The next morning, I wake up to find Frank still asleep on his side and facing me. Our legs are tangled together, but my head is no longer on his chest. We’re pretty much face to face and I hadn’t really realized it before now, but Frank’s adorable when he sleeps. His face is relaxed and his eyes are moving back and forth slowly underneath his eyelids. There’s an innocence about him that’s rare in adults and I’m almost completely sure I do not possess at all anymore.

He moves a little in his sleep as if he knows I’m watching him and a couple strands of hair fall into his face. I smile at my Frank and carefully untangle our legs and get out of bed. I don’t even bother trying to be careful because Frank’s a heavy sleeper and when I try to be quiet, I tend to make a ton more noise without even trying.

Once I’m free from the covers, I tuck the strands of hair back behind his ear and kiss his forehead lightly. He slightly shifts and smiles in his sleep and I feel my heart thump heavily in my chest before I sneak out of the room, hitting every stupid squeaky or loose floorboard on the way out. Once I’m out of the room, I roll my eyes at myself and let out a breath, closing the door softly behind me.

Just by the shaded view in Frank’s room, I know that it’s not completely light outside yet and probably still too early for normal waking hours, but I normally can’t sleep for more than five or six hours a night anyways. When I reach the end of the hallway, I glance at the giant analog clock just above the stairs and sigh when it’s only five-thirty in the morning, but at the same time I’m grateful because I’d slept about five hours, almost six. From the small windows along the stairs, I see the dark rain clouds looming above and it’s raining steadily and pretty heavily without thunder or lightning. It’s a beautiful scene and I capture it in my mind, making a mental note to paint it or at least get it down somewhere and color it to always have it.

I laugh when I get into the kitchen to find the coffee pot already brewing without me having to do anything. The timer on the machine is still blinking and I smile when I think of Frank setting it the night before. I know that he’s an early riser as well, but it’s usually by choice rather than necessity. He just likes to be awake with or around the same time as the kids.

Instead of quickly grabbing a cup while it’s still brewing and making a mess, I slip past the kitchen and head to the room at the back of the house. I don’t register the noise coming from underneath the door until it’s already open and I see Mikey sitting on a stool, one of my old guitars resting in his lap with a music stand set up with a couple sheets of printer paper resting on it. I close the door somewhat loudly so my presence doesn’t scare him before I sit down on a stool on the opposite side of the room.

He’s playing something beautiful and something I haven’t heard before. The melody is so soft and sweet before taking a dramatic turn into something sorrowful and haunting. The sadness lasts for so long that something inside of me breaks a little and only gets worse when I see Mikey’s shoulders shake unsteadily. The sorrowful and haunting tone turns into something forgiving and loving after a long while, but I’m too stuck on the dark and depressing music right in the middle that’s so reminiscent of The Black Parade that I fear for Mikey’s life for a moment.

In my mind, I slip back into Paramour Mansion and touring without Mikey. I think about the pills, the depression, and the drinking. I think about my fear. I think about Mikey’s fears. I think about the band falling apart and the fears we’d all harbored as a group. I think about the rain outside and how it sounds like drums being played when it hits certain objects.

With shaking hands, I pick up a random pen and dart across the room to grab a blank piece of printer paper from a cabinet. I’m aware that Mikey has put the guitar down and he’s watching me wordlessly but curiously as I dart around. I ignore him just for a moment and write down in my messy handwriting something that’s just been inspired by the music and recent events, “Does anyone have the time to bring me down?/And can I sleep all night long to the drums of the city rain?/Just make it up-/Cuz’ I'm awake all night long to the drums of the city rain/And brother if you have the chance to pick me up?/And can I sleep on your couch to the pound of the ache and pain?”

Then, on the same lyrical whim, I jot down another line but make sure to keep it separate from the rest because it doesn’t seem to go with it just yet, “The things that we take-to make us feel this/I can't go back/Don't think I will.”  
I set the pen down and look up to see that Mikey had moved his stool closer to me and was watching me write. When it’s clear I’m done for now, Mikey points to the very first line, but the way he’s watching me tells me that he already knows even though he asks, “What does this mean?”

“I don’t know yet, but I think it might be about you.” I reply honestly and go to take the paper, but Mikey grabs it first, rotating it until it’s facing him and upside down to me. He reads it once and then again and again. I bite my bottom lip nervously until Mikey sets it down and looks up at the ceiling.

“Do you like it?” I ask nervously, fidgeting a bit despite it only being Mikey sitting across from me. No matter what, his opinion has always mattered the most to me.

Mikey brings his eyes down and partially smiles at me, “Of course I do. I love everything you make. I’m just trying to figure out where it came from and what you were thinking about when you wrote it.”

“I was listening to your song and something about it reminded me of The Black Parade, of Paramour Mansion. I was thinking about touring without you and fear. There was so much fear.”

Mikey nods, his eyes a bit darker than they were before as if he were too remembering life during that time. The Black Parade had taken so much from us and we’d almost pushed it too far. Mikey had been hit the hardest. He’d spiraled so low that I thought I was going to lose him. Fear. Way too much fear.

“I’m proud of you.” I whisper, my voice especially emotional.

“For what?” Mikey asks, his face scrunching up in confusion. He even leans away from me a bit as if I’d said something outrageous.

I shrug even though this isn’t something I’d like for Mikey to take lightly, “For dealing with this whole Sarah issue the way you have.”

“Right,” Mikey snorts, laughing bitterly as he mocks himself sarcastically. “Instead of staying there and dealing with my problems, I ran away from them.”

“That’s exactly why I’m proud of you, Mikey,” I say lightly and Mikey rolls his eyes, but stays quiet long enough for me to explain. “When we were recording The Black Parade at Paramour Mansion, we didn’t stop and back away from things for a bit even when we knew it was wrong. We trapped ourselves somewhere we knew we didn’t belong just because we thought that that was what we needed to succeed. We kept ourselves in an environment that we knew was bad and didn’t know when to back away.”

I pause and rub my eyes, a terrifying new realization coming forth, “On New Year's Eve, you didn’t have to show up here, but you did. There are so many different scenarios surrounding that night, so many possibilities that could’ve risen if you hadn’t of walked away when you did.” Mikey’s eyes are tearing up and my voice is shaking, but I keep going, “If you hadn’t of been better, Frank and I could’ve gotten a call from Sarah saying she didn’t know where you were or where to even begin looking. I could’ve found you passed out in an alleyway, back on drugs because you’d stayed in an environment that wasn’t suitable or right enough for you to be in, but you weren’t. You’re not a coward and you didn’t run away from anything. I’m so proud that you were able to get away and take a breather when you knew things weren’t great, when you knew they were too overwhelming for proper thought.”

I pause and choke a bit on my words as tears drip steadily down my face, “I’m so fucking proud of you and your strength. I’m so fucking thankful that you showed up here rather than somewhere else. I don’t know what I would do if I had to go through that again. Just know that I’m always so fucking proud of you and the person you’ve become. If there’s anyone I want my kids to look up to, it’s you. I love you, Mikes. I always have and always will.”

Without a word, Mikey flies up from the stool he’s sitting in, and, just as suddenly, he’s hugging me as tightly as he can. I can feel the shoulder on my shirt becoming damp with tears and snot, but I know that Mikey’s shoulder isn’t any better, if anything it’s worse than mine.

When we pull apart, Mikey quickly moves over and grabs one of the many shiny bass guitars off the wall from its perch while I jot down a couple more lines, “The things that we take- to make us feel this/I can't go back/Don't think I will.”  
It’s all coming together in my head as Mikey and I sit together and compose a song that means and says so much to the both of us in only way we really know how. The words and the music are pouring out of us in a way that it hasn’t for me in a long time. Somehow, without picking up a pen to write music in a very long time, it all came spiraling back to me. Somehow, it made more sense than the paintings and the art and the comics at the moment.

Somehow, it just felt… right.


	23. Forgivness

Sarah’s P.O.V

It was growing dark outside and even though was officially spring, the air was still chilly in the late evenings and at night. That was why I had wrapped myself in a thick blanket. But even with this, I felt a bit cold.

On the table, beside me sat a cup of cold tea. I had intended on drinking it when I made it a couple of hours ago, but once I had made myself comfortable, my thoughts had started wandering and with that, so had all my intentions on drinking the tea.

It had been this way for a while now. Every time I started to do something, my mind would start to wander and I would forget everything I was supposed to be doing. So, most days I would just tuck myself into the same blanket that I had around me now. Nothing got done in this house anymore. Things had been this way ever since he’d left me. I just felt so empty without him. He had been my rock the last five years. He had been my everything and he was all that mattered to me. So, when he left, I lost myself. And the worst part of it all; it was all my fault. I only had myself to blame for him leaving me. I knew that.

Ever since he walked out of the door on New Year’s Eve, I had felt nothing but despair. I knew he shouldn’t forgive me for what I had done to him, yet I wished for it. I wished so hard for it. The regret had been gnawing at me since I had done the unforgivable thing. Now I wondered why I had done it in the first place. Why had I been so stupid to cheat on the only man I’d ever loved? 

\---

The agency I worked for had been sending me to photoshoot after photoshoot and had me going all over the US. It had been way over a month since I last had seen Mikey, since he couldn’t follow me because of his job. I understood that, but it still made me feel lonely. I missed him so much when we were apart for long periods at a time.

It had been an unnaturally cold night in Florida. I was tired from a long day on the set for a shoot. Tired and alone, I had gone into a bar to get a drink before I headed back to my hotel room. I hadn’t been sitting there for too long of a time when a relatively handsome guy came over to me and offered to buy me a drink. I took the offer, as there was nothing wrong in just one drink. At least not in my eyes. We had just been sitting there, drinking our respective drinks when he’d started to flirt with me. I was already slightly drunk by that time, and I had fallen for it. From there on, my memory of the whole thing was very unclear, if at all existent.

So, when I woke up the next day next to a man I didn’t know at all, I panicked. I couldn’t remember what had happened last night, but I could imagine it. I had scrawled out of the bed fast, and looked around for my clothes. Luckily, they were lying beside the bed, nicely folded. I found it a bit weird that they had been folded, but I didn’t question it any further. I just put on my clothes in a breeze and hurried out of the apartment without looking back.

On the way back to my own hotel, my mind started to spin. I had the most excruciating headache I’ve ever had in my life, too. It was way worse than any hangover I’d ever experienced before. I don’t even remember drinking more than what I can normally handle. How could something like this have happened? I had never cheated on someone in my entire life, and I had never wanted to. Yet, it seemed like I just had, and even worse, with someone I had no connection with and couldn’t remember being with at all. I shook my head, trying to not think more about it, but the guilt was definitely there, setting into the pit of my stomach and resting heavily on my heart.

Arriving back to L.A and back to Mikey at the end of week had felt very good. I had already decided to keep quiet about what had happened. He didn’t need to know, because it would only hurt him, and after seeing how happy he’d been when he saw me again, that was something I wouldn’t want to cause him. Besides, no one else knew about the betrayal and there was no reason at all for him to find out.

How wrong I had been. I had never thought I would get pregnant by a one night stand, but so it seemed.

\---

The darkness was surrounding me. Not in the pitch-black kind of way, but in a chilly early march kind of way. The way it only can when your curtains are closed and the air from before is trapped inside.

I had already started to dozed off, using sleep as an escape from reality. Nothing could get to me or disturb me when I was in this state. That’s why I didn’t hear it when the entrance door opened, then closed quickly afterwards. I didn’t hear the rustling from the heavy coat that was taken off and hung on the hanger in the entrance, right where it should have been the past months. And I for sure didn’t hear the footsteps that kept coming closer to the living room, closer to me.

“Sarah, we need to talk.” My head snapped in the direction of the voice I had only been dreaming of hearing again, but hadn’t dared to hope for. I could barely believe my own eyes when I saw him actually standing there, in the middle of the living room. But it was him, even though he looked pale and tired, like the weeks that we had spent apart had been tough on him as well.

I nodded, not trusting my own words and gestured for him to sit down. He sat down in the chair that was placed to the side of me, and not on the couch with me, as he’d always done. The air between us felt stuffed and heavy with all the unsaid things. All of which I hoped we could clear up, but my mind told me was impossible. Because that’s what it seemed. It seemed impossible to me that he was here with me now, that he was willing to talk things through, to hear me out and still stay. I had hurt him too much to deserve that from him and I knew that. Yet my heart held a shard of hope that it was possible.

“Before you say anything, let me clear one thing for you. I am here to stay.” My heart leapt in surprise and I looked up at him from where I had my numb hands in my lap, the shock evident on my face. His voice sounds defeated, “But I need to know why you would cheat on me like that.”

Twisting my hands, I started to tell him the story. He was quiet while I told him what I remembered from the night, how I had felt before that night. I wish he hadn’t been so quiet. It felt like I was talking myself into a dark pit of hate. I hated myself for what I had done, and I couldn’t picture that he would feel any different after this. He kept his face in the same expression from the start of the story until I said the very last word of it.

“So now you know, Mikey,” I whisper, “And I get that you hate me for this. I can’t blame you for that, because I have only myself to blame.”

Silence fell around us, but for the first time his expression changed from the emotionless mask I had seen so far and lit up with a small smile and a glimmer of hope in his brown eyes.

“So, you didn’t do this to hurt me on purpose? You just got way drunk, and you can’t remember what you did? But because you woke up next to a stranger you suspect that you’ve cheated on me, even though it is a chance that you didn’t?”

“Mikey, I would never hurt you on purpose. I really wouldn’t.” Tears started to form in my eyes, and I quickly dashed them away with the back of my hands. “I love you too much for that. I love you too much to let it go with some stupid drunken act I can’t even remember. I didn’t even drink that much.”

“I love you too, Sarah, and I’m sorry, too. I’m so sorry.” he apologized thoroughly but it only confused me.

“What do you mean you’re sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong, honey. It was all me.” I lean forward to emphasize my point but also to get that much closer to him.

Mikey sighs, “Well, you’re probably really scared and I don’t want you to be alone during all of this. No matter who the father of the baby is, just know I’ll be there for you, okay? I just keeping thinking about the fact that the night you got back you and I also had sex together. There’s a possibility it could be mine and if it is then I could never forgive myself for leaving you.”

“I love you so much.” I smiled through my tears. “I hope this baby is yours, Mikey. It’s all I want.”

Mikey moved from the chair he had been sitting in for the last 30 minutes, while we talked, and over to me where I was sitting at the couch. He reached out his hand and wiped away my heavy tears. “I love you Sarah, and we will get through all of this together.” His words were soft and comforting. I leaned in towards him, and he wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me in his embrace.

For the longest time, we sat there comforting each other. And for the first time in months, I felt at peace. I finally believed that I could hope again.

***

Two days later, Mikey and I emerge from the comfort of our home hand in hand and everything seems better than it did before. I’m nervous because we’re headed to Frank and Gerard’s house together for the first time since this whole ordeal. Mikey never told me if they know or not, but I just have a feeling they do just because they are Frank and Gerard.

When we get inside, the kids are all over me. They ask if I’m staying over too and every ounce of guilt I’d felt before returns with a heavy feeling in my heart, but Mikey just changes the direction of their attention by asking Lily what she’s drawing on the floor not too far from where we’re standing. Soon, all the kids are rushing to show Mikey and me what they’ve done, too. After the kids have settled down, Mikey sighs and looks at me, “I have to go find Gerard.”

I pretend to be brave and nod, prodding Mikey towards the stairs. He gets halfway up before turning back around, looking unsure. I can tell he’s worried about me. I fake a smile and wave him away. I’ll be fine. I think. I watch the kids arguing over what channel they should watch before I hear pots and pans clanking in the kitchen. I look to the sky and hope it’s Frank as I push the swinging door open. Frank doesn’t even turn around before he starts talking, “Gee, can you hand me the shredded cheese from the fridge? I forgot it and really don’t want to have to wash my hands again before this chicken is finished being seasoned.”

“Wrong person,” I say casually as I move towards the fridge. Frank startles and drops the chicken back into the seasoning. It ends up all over the surrounding counter, the floor, and Frank’s clothing. I pretend not to notice as I grab the cheese and walk over to hand it to Frank.

When Frank recovers, he smiles at me and nods his head in the direction of the pan full of pasta, “If you’d like, you can sprinkle like half of that bag of cheese onto that pasta and set it in the oven for about ten minutes once it finishes preheating.”

I smile back and get to work. We settle into silence and it’s comfortable for a couple of minutes before I’m running out of cheese to sprinkle and I’m sure Frank is over seasoning the last two pieces of chicken. Finally, I set the bag down and sigh, “So, can I safely assume you’ve heard?”

Frank carefully sets the last piece of chicken down after carefully seasoning it as well and washes his hands before replying, “You can. I’ve kind of wanted to congratulate you this whole time, but I’m not sure what the right thing to do in this kind of situation is.”

I awkwardly laugh and lean uncomfortably against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. I feel unsurprisingly close to tears. “I’m really not sure how to act around anyone anymore or what to do either. I never thought I’d be in this situation or that I’d ever have to question whether I know who my child’s dad is or not.”

The oven finishes preheating and beeps loudly causing Frank and I to jump. We hurry and place everything into the oven. There’s a lot of awkward standing before Frank points to the table, “Come on, let’s just sit down and talk, okay? I’m not judging you and I’m not mad or upset either. You wouldn’t be here right now if Mikey hadn’t of forgiven you. I trust Mikey’s judgment and would never question it for a second. You make him happy and if he wants to be with you then that’s all that matters.” I sit at the table and Frank sits down for a second before nervously getting up again, “Would you like coffee? How about tea?”

I think about the growing baby inside of me and it I feel the nervous flutters returning as I realize that I’m no longer thinking of myself anymore but two people --one of them that I haven’t met yet, “I don’t think pregnant women can drink coffee. I’ll just go with tea.”

I catch Frank eyeing my stomach more than once. I don’t think I look different and by Frank’s frown when he catches himself staring for too long as he looks for a difference, he doesn’t see one either. The thing about visiting this coffee-drinking household is that there’s always hot water readily available. Mikey told me that Gerard has to opt for instant coffee during the day because he’s scared that if he waits for actual coffee to brew, then he’ll lose his inspiration in the time it takes to brew. I barely have the words out of my mouth before Frank’s pouring scalding water into a clean mug and dipping a teabag into it.

I smile gratefully when Frank sets it down in front of me and I cover my hands with my sleeves before wrapping it around the hot mug. Frank pours himself a cup of coffee and sits down across from me. He softly blows at the steam before breaking the silence, “I knew he wasn’t going to leave you. I knew it probably way before he or Gerard even figured it out.”

“How?” I whisper because the second I had blurted I was pregnant with someone else’s baby, I was pretty sure he was gone.

Frank shrugs and finally makes eye contact, “I honestly just had a feeling. It was dim at the beginning, but once he started working in the music room, it hit me like a punch in the gut. I couldn’t shake it and it sucked that I couldn’t talk to him or Gerard about it; I was afraid that mentioning it would upset the balance and ruin everything.” I lean back in my chair, the mug finally starting to burn my cloth covered hands. “Gerard and I have never wanted anything for Mikey except for him to be happy. When he’s with you, he is.”

“He believes there’s a possibility the baby could be his.” I break eye contact and stare at Frank’s hands. “I really want it to be his because we’ve been trying so hard to start a family together, you know? I’m scared that this baby is the only reason he’s still here and if he finds out for sure that the baby isn’t his then he’ll want nothing more to do with me.”

Frank lets go of his mug and reaches across the table with his palms open and facing outwards. I put my hands in his and he squeezes them comfortingly. His voice is gentle but also overly cautious, “Do you really think Mikey’s that way?”

That’s when the first tears slip down my face. Before I know it, I’m balling and Frank is out of his seat in an instant and hugging me. He soothingly rubs his hands through my hair and I feel like a vulnerable little girl all over again. I hug him back as tightly as I can and just allow myself to completely break down. He whispers about how brave I am and that Mikey loves me no matter who the father of the baby is. It soothes me and I find myself even beginning to believe it.

When my tears dry, Frank moves a chair over and sits right next to me, grabbing my hands once again. We keep talking until I’m crying from happiness. I know Frank forgives and accepts me just as much as Mikey does. I finally begin to relax again and Frank keeps the conversation light. At a lull in the conversation I take a deep breath and tell Frank what I haven’t had the guts to tell Mikey just yet, “Frank, I think I want to get a paternity test done.”

Frank raises his eyebrows in surprise but he doesn’t look upset. Instead, he nods carefully, his face perfectly neutral. Without a word, he gets up and opens a drawer and starts moving things around. This is the first time I’ve been absolutely sure I want to know who the father is and I haven’t gotten a reaction. I’m beginning to feel nervous but Frank comes back and hands me a couple of folded papers. He looks nervous as he sits down, “I wasn’t sure if you’d want one, but I thought I’d look it up just in case you or Mikey ended up wanting one. I know this kind of stuff can be frustrating and terrifying all at once so I thought I could at least help a little.”

I unfold the papers and find a list of places I can get a paternity test done as well as a list of reliable at home kits with more positive reviews than negative. I feel fresh tears welling up in my eyes as I reach the last page and they once again overflow as I realize the last page is a medical website explaining how mothers can get a paternity test while pregnant as well as one right after her child is born. I have no idea what to say or how to react, so I just jump up and hug Frank as tightly as I can. I’ve never been more grateful to belong to a family as I am to have been included in this one.

Our hug is cut short by the sound of the oven’s timer going off. Frank smiles kindly at me before giving me one last squeeze and letting go. I sit back down in the chair and stare at the papers in front of me. I’m sobbing as hard and quietly as possible. I know I must look like a total mess but I can’t help myself. Of course, this is the moment Mikey and Gerard decide to enter the kitchen. I don’t even have time to wipe away my tears before Mikey’s tensing up and at my side in an instant.

He’s looking back and forth at me and Frank. I realize a second too late that he’s completely misconstrued the whole situation and even Gerard seems confused at why I’m crying. Then, I can only assume what Mikey thinks when he notices the papers in my hand. I rush to diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand.

I stand up and hug Mikey tightly and whisper in his ear, “I’m okay, I swear.”

Mikey’s shoulders relax but the tension never really leaves his back. Once the food is safely out of the oven and Frank is away from the stove, I tell everyone to sit down. Mikey sits in the chair that Frank was at a couple of minutes ago. I notice that Frank sits directly across me and Gerard moves his chair so he’s sitting closer to Frank. I tell by the way their arms are dangling just away from each of their bodies that they’re holding hands under the table.

I reach out and put my hand on Mikey’s thigh and squeeze a little, taking a deep breath, “Thanks to Frank, I’ve decided that I want to get a paternity test.” The rest of the tension drains from Mikey’s back and he looks apologetically at Frank even though Frank hadn’t even known that Mikey was mad at him. Mikey takes the papers and starts looking through them. After he realizes that they’re completely innocent, he looks down in shame. I can tell he’s ashamed to think that Frank would ever hurt me. “I wish that we weren’t in situation that asked for one, but I can’t go back and change what happened. What I can do, though, is put the questioning to an end.”

I look at Frank for support and he smiles encouragingly at me. Then, I look at Gerard. I’ve been too afraid to really look at him, too afraid to see what he thinks of me. His opinion is the most important. Without him, I don’t know how Mikey will do. At first, Gerard’s face is completely blank and he just stares down at the table for the longest moment. When he does look up, he looks at Mikey, then for a long time at Frank. There is some wordless communication going on that I can’t quite decipher going on between the couple across from Mikey and me. Finally, Gerard relaxes and faces me. There’s nothing but forgiveness in his eyes, “Is there anything Frank and I can do to support you during this?”

I smile and meet Frank’s eyes as I drop the second bomb; this one even catches Frank off guard.

“I would like it if you, Frank, would be the one to revealed the results to us.”

***

Exactly two weeks later, a giant white envelope arrives in the mail. With shaking hands, I hand it over to Frank and he nervously takes it from me. All of us are sitting in Gerard and Frank’s living room on separate couches. No one’s said a word since we’ve received the letter. The kids are away at school so the house is quieter than it’s ever been. Frank takes a deep breath and meets all our eyes as he stands up.

The sound of the envelope opening is deafening and my heart is racing. I meet Mikey’s worried eyes and we promise each other silently that no matter what the results reveal, we’ll be okay. Frank takes out an official looking paper and unfolds it carefully. His eyes scan the paper but reveal nothing.

Taking another deep breath, Frank says, “The father is…”


End file.
